whiskey | THE ARMY OF DRUNKS PODCAST

The Irish Whiskey Show

March 31, 2023 By Eric

with whisketarian Alex McKay

March is the Irishest month, and we’re getting Irish just under the wire with this incredible survey of Irish whiskeys brought to us courtesy of friend of the show and “whisketarian” Alex McKay.

This diabolical batard brought us a selection of liquid Irish gold that spanned the gamut between low-end unaged Irish “moonshine” to a bottle of 21 year old Redbreast that will set your average citizen back about $350. And because we want you to come away with from our show with more than just the sound of other people drinking whiskey, we’ve once again rated them with our unique Army of Drunks whiskey system: What Actor is This Booze?

Oh, and, of course, What Batman is This Booze? Why? Because we’re immature overgrown gen-x geeks who should never be trusted with anything.

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Sponsored by Grisly’s Cosmic Black ! Support small booze business and get yourself happily cosmic!

Oh, and along the way, we discover what’s in Shaw’s Remote Craw, find out something we really didn’t want to know about Irish whiskey legend John Jameson, and test your knowledge of Lucky Charms magic marshmallows.

A few bottles from the suitcase o’ booze Alex brought over.

OUR IRISH WHISKEY RATINGS

WHISKEY	STYLE	ACTOR	BATMAN	ANYTHING ELSE
Teeling Poitin	“Moonshine”	Mickey Rourke	Ben Affleck
Teeling	Single Grain	Timothy Dalton	Val Kilmer	Roger Moore as James Bond
Writer’s Tears	Blend	Liam Neeson	Kevin Conroy	Peter Capaldi as Doctor Who
Sexton	Single Malt	Colin Farrell	Michael Keaton	Runner up actor: Jon Hamm
Red Breast 12	Single Pot Still	Tilda Swinton as Bob Dylan	Christian Bale	Maybe Robert Pattinson’s Batman some day
Powers John’s Lane 12	Single Pot Still	Timothée Chalamet as James Bond	We were drunk and forgot
Redbreast 21	Heaven-Sent Ambrosia	Sir IanMcKellan or Dame Judy Dench	Ben Kingsley as Batman	This is a Unicorn. A goddamn Unicorn!

The Army of Drunks Patented Whiskey Rating System

And Some Photos From the Recording Session

THE WHISKEY SPECIAL – with Alex MacKay

September 9, 2017 By Eric

THE WHISKEY SPECIAL
with Alex MacKay
The Whiskey Genius

Summer is over, and it’s time to go back to school. This is Whiskey 101, where our good friend and not-self-described “Whiskey Genius” Alex MacKay takes you on a tour of some of the major whiskies of the world.

It’s one of our longer shows, but by the time it’s done, you’ll have a better understanding of where the golden brown ambrosia* comes from, what’s the difference between scotch and bourbon, why you don’t want to drink Costco Canadian, and just which Batman is that whiskey you’re drinking.

Joining us also is comedy writer and friend of the show Aydrea Walden. She’s good people.

Also, we cut a very long segment about how whiskey is made, but if you’d like to hear that, please join our Patreon campaign, and we’ll give you access to our Back Room of bonus material!

* Please remind us never to use the term “brown ambrosia” ever again.

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DRINK ALONG AT HOME!

Since there’s no cocktail this week, we thought we’d provide a list of all the whiskeys Alex brought for us to sample. Note that most of these are available at your local BevMo, and you can even buy those tiny airplane bottles of some of them. So keeping up with the drunks doesn’t have to cost you an arm and a leg.

Here’s a helpful chart to help you follow along on our journey up Whiskey Mountain. Rather than using the usual descriptors of “taste” and “aroma,” we decided to describe the various boozes in terms of actors. This quickly devolved into describing them in terms of Batmans. (Yes, “Batmans” is the plural of “Batman.” Look it up.)

WHISKEY NAME	COUNTRY	WHICH ACTOR IS IT?	WHICH BATMAN IS IT?
Costco Canadian	Canada	Steven Segal	George Clooney
Nikka Coffey	Japan	Michelle Yeoh	Adam West
Redbreast 12 Year	Ireland	Kenneth Branagh	Michael Keaton
Johnny Walker Green Label	Scotland	David Tennant	Kevin Conroy (The Animated Series)
Knob Creek Single Barrel	America	We forgot to name one, but say Steve McQueen	Will Arnett (Lego Batman)
Ardbeg 10 Year	Scotland	Christian Bale	Christian Bale

BONUS ROUND
Alex suggested a few other whiskies if you’re feeling adventurous. Or even if you’re not.

Brook Laddie Scotch
Octomore Scotch
Maker’s Mark 46 Cask Strength
Seven Stills Chcoolate Oatmeal Stout & I.P.A.
Midelton Dair Ghaelach Irish
Jameson Unblended 13-Year

OUR DRUNKEN GUESTS
Check out Aydrea’s web series Black Girl in a Big Dress right here!

WANNA SEE SOME WHISKEY?

LET’S TALK ABOUT FEELINGS – Science, Vermouth & The Robot Uprising

July 7, 2017 By Eric

LET’S TALK ABOUT FEELINGS:
Science, Vermouth & The Robot Uprising
with Scientist Ian McEwan

Welcome to the Army’s newest experiment: “Let’s Talk About Feelings!” A show where we get a little deeper and a little drunker into a topic of choice with our valued guest. So let’s hear a little more on the future of science in America from scientist Ian McEwan. (WARNING: What he has to say is way more interesting than what we have to say.)

OTHER WARNING: There are maybe fewer dick jokers per hour in this format. Just roll with it.

We also get a little deeper into just what the hell is vermouth, anyway. Do you care? YES, YOU DO!

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AND OH YEAH, VERMOUTH!

Here’s a little piece from Cocktail God David Wondrich on the Wonders of Vermouth. Read it, you lazy drunk bastard.
http://www.esquire.com/food-drink/drinks/a22162/why-the-aperitif-0513/

NOTE:
Ian wanted to correct a small fact. It turns out sperm whales do sleep, they just do it in six-to-ten minute increments.

Photographer Captures Incredibly Rare Shot Of Sperm Whales SleepingDid you ever imagine the sperm whales sleeping? How would that look like..? If you still can’t picture that, then let the Swiss photographer Franco Banfi help you out.demilked.com

THE MANHATTAN SHOW – with Ian McEwan

June 30, 2017 By Eric

THE MANHATTAN SHOW
with Scientist Ian McEwan

It’s Season Three, you drunken bastards! Put on your Celebratin’ Pants and get your Manhattan on as we play “Ask a Drunk Scientist” again with our good friend Ian McEwan. Ian tackles the big questions about robot uprisings, those new planets we can’t get to, and how you can or cannot cross the galaxy in one lifetime.

We also get under the history of the Manhattan cocktail — a drink as illustrious as the city itself — and we don’t shy away from the tough philosophical question: Dry or sweet? Bourbon or rye? What kind of vermouth? Wait, there are different kinds of vermouth?

Yes, my child, yes there are.

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DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Manhattan
(The MixMa$ter Therm “Perfect” Version)

3 oz Rye Whiskey
1 oz Dry Vermouth
1/2 oz Sweet Vermouth
6 Dashes of Angostura Bitters

The Manhattan is a drink that’s mostly as good as the base ingredients, so don’t chintz out on the whiskey if you can avoid it. Some people swear that rye is the only proper whiskey for a Manhattan. We trust these people, more or less, so go with rye and see how you like it. David Wondrich also says higher proof whiskies make for better Manhattans than their lower-proof cousins. We definitely trust David Wondrich. You should also put some effort into the vermouth, but remember, open vermouth bottles go bad in a few days if you don’t refrigerate them, so pick up a half-bottle if you can.

As you’d expect, put all of the ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice. Traditionally, you stir the drink it with a cocktail stirrer. Some say shaking adds foam, which you don’t want. Others say if you’ve got foam, you’re using bad ingredients, and besides, shaking is cool. Best to just go with the stirrer to avoid arguments.

Also traditionally, you should ideally chill the glass for half an hour in the freezer before serving. Most people don’t really want to plan that far ahead, so just fill the glass with ice cubes and cold water while you’re mixing, then dump that out before you pour the drink.

Garnish with a Luxardo cherry. Use of a maraschino is a crime punishable by forced exile from the Cocktail Kingdom. Seriously, if you’ve got no Luxardos, use a lemon peel.

MANHATTAN VARIANTS
Unsurprisingly, there are as many variants of the Manhattans as there are similes to describe the number of variants of the Manhattan. Some of them are:

SWEET MANHATTAN: Bourbon and sweet vermouth.
DRY MANHATTAN: Rye and dry vermouth.
“PERFECT” MANHATTAN: Rye and 1/2 dry and 1/2 sweet vermouth.
METROPOLITAN: Use Brandy instead of whiskey.
CUBAN MANHATTAN: The “Perfect” recipe, but substituting dark rum.

THE PLACE FOR SOME LINKS THAT WE’LL PROBABLY ADD TO AS PEOPLE ASK US TO ELABORATE ON STUFF

Here’s an article on that Faster-Than-Light Drive we were talking about.

And the NASA article on all those new planets!

THE COBBLER SHOW – with James Slay

April 22, 2016 By Eric

THE COBBLER SHOW
With James Slay
Actual Goddamn Bartender

We should have done this a long time ago. This week the Army of Drunks sits down with an actual goddamn bartender to hear what life is like behind the counter. Warning: it can suck to be on the other side of you when you’re ordering a drink.

While we hear war stories from behind the bar, we investigate the Cobbler, the first American cocktail to take the world by storm in the 18th century, thanks two the combination of sherry, ice and — believe it or goddamn not — the invention of the straw. Listen as we get old-tymie loaded on both the original Sherry Cobbler, which liked you’d expect is made with sherry, and the D Cobbler, which upgrades to whiskey and ginger ale. (NSFW as always.)

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During the show, James educates us on William Schmidt, one of the first cocktail book authors in America. In fact, here he is! Look into his steely, whiskey-burned gaze as you think about what booze awaits you.

Remember, William is an innocent, but his mustache stands in judgement of you and all you’ve done… or failed to do… in this life.

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Narragansett Cobbler

Whole Peel of Orange
Juice of one Orange
One “jigger” whiskey (we used Canadian whiskey)
One Bottle of Ginger Ale (though you won’t need the whole thing)
Cracked Ice
Berries to Garnish this Sucker
A Paper Straw (if you’re going to be traditional about it)

If you’re going to be a badass like MixMa$ter Therm, start by taking off the entire peel of one orange in one piece. Good luck with that. Put the peel artfully spiraled in a collins glass. Add the juice of the orange, a jigger of whiskey, fill the rest with ice, and top off with ginger ale. Then garnish it with berries, because it makes you look all-Martha-Stewart ‘n’ shit. (And really, it makes the drink look gorgeous.) Drink through a straw, a paper one if you’re going to be historically accurate.

AND AS LONG AS YOU’RE SIPPING HISTORY, ALSO TRY…

The Sherry Cobbler

4 oz. Dry Sherry (everyone says go for amantillado)
1/2 tsp simple syrup or 1 tbs sugar
2 or 3 Orange Slices
Cracked Ice
Berries and/or Mint to Garnish it to Glory
A Goddamn Paper Straw

Muddle the orange slices and the sugar/syrup in a mixing glass. Add the sherry and ice, then shake like a bucking mule. Strain into a collins glass over more cracked ice. Garnish that sucker with berries and a paper straw. Pretend you’re in The Music Man.

BUY WILLIAM SCHMIDT’S BOOK!

AND CHECK OUT THE CAPGUN HOLDUPS!

SOME GODDAMN PHOTOS FROM THE RECORDING SESSION – ORANGE SLAUGHTER & SUPER MARIO!

THE OLD FASHIONED SHOW HOLIDAY REDUX – with Johnny Amerika

November 29, 2015 By Eric

OLD FASHIONED SHOW – HOLIDAY REDUX!

With Johnny Amerika

Holiday time is upon us, and as the Drunks gear up for Season Two, we regift a show from Season One, now with added fruitcakery! MixMa$ter Therm tells you how to make your own Holiday Five-Actually-Seven-Spice Liqueur to give as a gift to the ones you claim to love!

Meet mad genius Johnny Amerika who builds the sort of machines you only come up with when you’re drunk as the Army of Drunks get ice-balls deep in the (Whisky) Old Fashioned cocktail, a drink older than anyone alive today. We also hear news from the drunken hamlet of River Falls, learn the story of a real-live Killdozer, and drink seven-week-old eggnog without dying.

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!

MIXMA$TER THERM’S HOLIDAY FIVE-ACTUALLY-SEVEN-SPICE LIQUEUR!
Infusing liqueur is a (sometimes) cheap and (always) easy way to create a gift that makes you look a like an artisan badass. MixMa$ter Therm set out to concoct a booze based on the original “Chinese Five Spice” spice mix, and two extra spices later had a perfect Christmas liquor for getting loaded under the tree. You will need:

1 oz. cinnamon stick(s)
1 oz. whole cloves
1 oz. star anis
1 oz. fennel seeds
1 oz. black pepper corns
1 oz. whole nutmeg
1 oz. whole allspice
1.75 liter bottle of vodka
Approximately 2 cups simple syrup (1 part sugar to 1 part water)

REGARDING THE SPICES – Yes, we suggest buying them whole, not ground. It’s not the cheapest way to go, but you’ll have enough left over to make gallons of the stuff if you want.

Holiday Seven Spice Liqueur_small OriginalPhoto-470515979.008200 Measure out 1 oz. each of the spices and put them in a big pile. Mash the cinnamon sticks and the nutmeg if you want, but otherwise toss everything in a frying pan and toast it up over the stove. (That means just heating them up for a few minutes while you toss them around in the pan. NO STINKIN’ OIL!)

Coax all of those spices into a big-ass bottle of vodka and let it sit for about three days. Be sure to turn the bottle over a few times once or twice a day to keep them flavors mixin’! When the three days are up, strain out all of the spice through a fine strainer or a loose coffee filter or the powers of your mind or something. (And yeah, you’ll need a big bowl to dump all of this Christmas-tasting liquor into.)

Add simple syrup to taste, but we found a 1-to-4 syrup-to-vodka ratio worked quite well. This would be about 2 cups of simple syrup for 1.75 liters of infused vodka. Sip along the way to make sure you’ve done it right, and to make the time pass faster.

Pour your finished liqueur into smaller bottles, slap home-made labels on them that read “Annie’s Secret Christmas Cheer Elf Potion” or something equally f***ing adorable, and give them out to anyone you want to impress. Sit back and reap the holiday benefits, or just get drunk on pure Christmas magic!

AND NOW FOR THE SHOW NOTES…

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Whiskey Old-Fashioned

2 oz. bourbon or rye. (Or a mix. We used three parts bourbon to one part rye.)
1 sugar cube. (Or 1/2 oz simple syrup.)
Angostura bitters
Orange slice and/or peel
One non-marchino cherry (optional)

Put a sugar cube in a glass and soak it down with bitters. (And add a little water if that’s how you roll.) Muddle it. Pour in the booze. Add a slice of orange or orange peel, and a cherry. DO NOT MUDDLE THE FRUIT, DAMN IT! Serve like you mean it.

MixMa$ter Therm gazes with dread upon the seven-week old eggnog.

Here’s Johnny’s trebuchet commercial.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZbG9i1oGPA

And the story of Marvin Heemeyer.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marvin_Heemeyer

THE OLD FASHIONED SHOW – with Johnny Amerika

January 19, 2015 By Eric

OLD FASHIONED SHOW
With Johnny Amerika

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://armyofdrunks.libsyn.com/the-old-fashioned-show

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Whiskey Old-Fashioned

2 oz. bourbon or rye. (Or a mix. We used three parts bourbon to one part rye.)
1 sugar cube. (Or 1/2 oz simple syrup.)
Angostura bitters
Orange slice and/or peel
One non-marchino cherry (optional)

MixMa$ter Therm gazes with dread upon the seven-week old eggnog.

Here’s Johnny’s trebuchet commercial.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZbG9i1oGPA

And the story of Marvin Heemeyer.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marvin_Heemeyer