THE ARMY OF DRUNKS PODCAST

lime juice

DAIQUIRI SUMMER SPECIAL – with Doug Ecks

By Eric

DAIQUIRI SUMMER SPECIAL – 2018
with Competitive Eater Doug Ecks

Yep.  That’s how it’s spelled. Daiquiri.  We looked it up.
It’s Summertime folks, and the drunks are back in town!  In this episode, we’re enjoying a relaxing fruity beverage, trying not to think too much about the state of our democracy, and learning all about the fascinating world of competitive eating!
 We’re joined by Doug Ecks, a man who can put away a frankly shocking amount of franks in a single sitting.  We have so very many questions.  By the end of this one, you’ll know a ton about Doug, Daiquiries, and damn little else.

AND WELCOME OUR NEW SPONSOR!
503 Distilling has a fantastic line cocktails in a can, for those times when you just don’t have the time, space, or gumption to mix your own damn drink.  Between the Wicked Mule and the Blood Hound, they got your lazy drunken ways covered!  Deliciously too, damn it!

DRINK ALONG AT HOME
The Daiquiri

The classic daiquiri recipe is not that complicated.  If you fuck it up, you’re not even competent enough to be drinking, much less drink-mixing.  However, it never hurts to do the homework of squeezing your own limes and picking up a good rum for a change.*

  • 2 oz light rum
  • 1 oz fresh squeezed lime juice
  • 1/2 oz simple syrup
  • Ice.  Some say crushed.

First you need to chill your glass, because it’s hot in Cuba.  Put some ice in it and set it aside, like any kindergarten-level bartender knows to do.  Then put some ice in a cocktail shaker and throw in your ingredients.  (Throw is a metaphor, here.  Don’t throw any liquids unless you are secretly Avatar: The Last Booze-Bender and have supernatural control over cocktails.  If this is the case, also please be training to battle the Lord of the Sober Nation.)  Shake the mixture up good.  Remove the ice from your glass and lovingly pour in the magic cocktail juice.  Garnish with a lime wheel and enjoy.  WE SAID ENJOY, YOU BASTARD!

NOTE: Some recipes call for you to use straight sugar instead of simple syrup.  This is Next Level Shit™, and we don’t recommend you try it without a lot of practice first.  The results can be uncomfortably granular and not nearly sweet enough.

*Serious Eats has a nice article on daiquiri rums.  We tried noth Flor de Caña and Diplomatico for the show, but we got so drunk we can’t remember which we liked better.

VARIATIONS!
The Banana Daiquiri

We also tried a bastardized version of the New York Times’ Banana Daiquiri recipe.  Bastardized in that Shaft forgot to buy orange juice so we just plum left it out.  Still, it’s the best banana daiquiri we’ve ever had, and we used to frequent TGI Friday’s in our young, embarrassing years.

(By the way, the next time you hear Unhinged Chucklehead Donald Trump call the New York Times “failing,” point out to him that they’ve done a hell of a lot more to promote banana daiquiris in this country than he has.  Then please kick him in the goolies for us, since you’ve obviously gotten close enough to talk to his bloated orange face.)

The Times’ recipe is:

  • 2 ½ ounces dark rum
  • 2 ½ ounces light rum
  • 3 ounces lime juice
  • 2 ounces orange juice (which we forgot and it turned out great anyway)
  • 2 large, very ripe, frozen bananas, sliced
  • 1 ounce simple syrup
  • 2 cups ice

Mix everything up in a blender.  Pour it all in a glass.  Throw fruit on top to make it look cute.  Pour down chest.  Pretend it’s spring break.

The Hemingway Daiquiri
The version Ernest made famous, also called “The Papa Doble,” because it needed twice the rum to satisfy a man of such massive manliness.  Imbibe magazine’s Hemingway Daiquiri recipe is as good as you’ll find anywhere, so go check them out.

The shorthand version is:

  • 1 ½ oz. white rum
  • ¾ oz. fresh lime juice
  • ¼ oz. fresh grapefruit juice
  • ¼ oz. maraschino liqueur

Do the usual stuff you’d think to it.

OUR DRUNKEN GUESTS
Doug Ecks’s profile can be found on the Major League Eating website.

He’s also on Facebook if you really need to get a hold of him, but you can search for that.  We’re not enabling any of you hotdog-stalkers.

STUFF YOU SHOULD BUY!
Once again, we brought up the Smuggler’s Cove book.  If you don’t own it already, buy it through our Army of Drunks link and we’ll get to keep a few cents off the sale.  Jeff Bezos is a god damn saint, isn’t he?

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THE SUFFERING BASTARD SHOW – with The Performer Known as T.J.

By Eric

THE SUFFERING BASTARD SHOW
with The Performer Known as T.J.
Former D!sney Costumed Character

“Who’s easier to kick in the nuts: Tigger or Captain Hook?”

Ever go to a big-time theme park and wonder just who the poor suffering bastard is inside the Tigger costume?  Well, now you can find out!

Meet T.J., a man who spent years as a character performer at D!sney World, and doesn’t mind talking about it.  (But we’re worried the Mouse might come after us, so we’re spelling it “D!sney,” just to fool the Googlers.  That Mouse plays hardball, man.)

Meanwhile, we get drunk on the Suffering Bastard cocktail, the hangover cure made so famous during WWII, that General Rommel himself wanted to invade Cairo to get one. *

*This is only sort-of true.

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DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Suffering Bastard

  • 1 oz Gin
  • 1 oz Bourbon (or Brandy, depending on how old-school you’re feeling)
  • 1 tsp Fresh Lime Juice (or sweetened, depending on how sweet you’re feeling)
  • 2 dashes Angostura Bitters
  • Ginger Ale (or ginger beer, depending on how ginger you’re feeling)
  • Mint Leaves to garnish (or a cherry, or a lemon slice, depending on how garnished you’re feeling)

Combine the booze, the lime juice and the bitters in a cocktail shaker, and shake well with ice.  (Hey, put the ice in first, that’s how they usually do it.)   Strain into an ice-fulled highball or collins glass, and then top it off with ginger ale.  Mint leaves are the traditional garnish, but we like a cherry for the more tropical feel.  Look, garnish is a personal thing, like hats.

Bastard-creator Joe Scialom also went on to create two more drinks, the Dying Bastard and the Dead Bastard.  Each just contained greater combinations of alcohol.  We can’t vouch for them, but for historical and academic purposes, we present the recipes here as we found them.*  As with the Suffering, use a cocktail shaker, etc. etc.

The Dying Bastard

  • 1/2 ounce gin
  • 1/2 ounce bourbon
  • 1/2 ounce brandy
  • 1/2 ounce lime juice (cordial)
  • 4 ounces ginger beer
  • 2 dashes Angustora bitters

The Dead Bastard

  • 1/2 ounce gin
  • 1/2 ounce bourbon
  • 1/2 ounce brandy
  • 1/2 ounce rum (light)
  • 1/2 ounce lime juice (cordial)
  • 4 ounces ginger beer
  • 1 dash Angustora bitters

As for why the Dead Bastard takes it easy on the bitters, we have no idea.

*That is to say, with a Google search.

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LET’S TALK ABOUT FEELINGS – Politics, Lime Juice & Boy George’s Beard

By Eric

LET’S TALK ABOUT FEELINGS
Politics, Lime Juice, and Boy George’s Beard
with Brian Doherty

The Feelings Experiment Continues as Buck and Brian Doherty (senior editor at Reason Magazine) get into some drunken palaver on the state of politics in the internet age. Can we ever have an adult conversation again when debate has become a cage-match for internet trolls?

We also get a little deeper into Rose’s Lime Juice.  Because you love that shit!  And we ask some very deep questions about Boy George’s Beard.

Also: Name That Sex Act!  Why?  Because… you love that shit!

 

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ROSE’S LIME JUICE!

Here’s a lovely little article Slate put out on the juice in question.

 

BOY GEORGE’S BEARD!

I mean, seriously, this is what we’re talking about.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

AND IN CASE YOU MISSED THEM LAST WEEK, SOME RELEVANT BOOKS AND JUICE!  

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THE GIMLET SHOW – with Brian Doherty

By Eric


THE GIMLET SHOW
with Brian Doherty
Senior Editor at Reason Magazine

It’s “Ask a Drunk Libertarian,” as we get loaded with Brian Doherty, author and senior editor at Reason Magazine. Hear Brian explain that even libertarians don’t take Ayn Rand all that seriously. WARNING: This one gets into an actual political conversation. (We’re shocked, too.) If that bothers you, just fast forward to “Randy, Rice, or Rooney” at the end.

We also find out the history of the Gimlet cocktail, and how it was created by a conspiracy of British sailors and lime juice merchants. Damn limeys.

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Tip Us on Patreon!

Or Listen Directly Here! 

DRINK ALONG AT HOME
The Gimlet

MixMa$ter Therm was out of town for this one, so until he engineers the “perfect” version, we’re presenting you with two classic recipes.

“Classic” Gimlet

  • 5 parts gin
  • 1 part simple syrup
  • 1 part lime juice

Combine all the damn ingredients in a shaker.  Shake it.  Pour over ice.  It’s that simple.  You can also use Rose’s lime juice if you so choose.  It’s already sweetened, but also has some bitter “peel” flavor inherent, so it balances out.  There are some people who say stir the damn thing.  As far as we can tell, it doesn’t make a big difference in the drink overall, but there’s something about the supercooled shaken version that we enjoy.

Raymond Chandler’s “Long Goodbye” Gimlet

  • 2 parts gin
  • 1 part lime juice
  • 1 part simple syrup

This is exactly how the drink is described in Raymond Chandler’s “The Long Goodbye,” and apparently in the Savoy Cocktail Book as well.  Not exactly the ginniest of Gimlets, but it’s a fun historical oddity.  Shake it if you got it.

OUR DRUNKEN GUEST

Here’s a link to Brian’s page at Reason.com!

And pick up one of his books.  He’s got one of the best book’s on the history of Burning Man, ever.

 

And you want Rose’s Lime Juice?  We got the US and the UK versions!

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