THE ARMY OF DRUNKS PODCAST

Katie Massa

SUMMER TIKI SPECIAL 2016

By Eric

SUMMER TIKI SPECIAL 2016
Featuring the Mai Tai and Singapore Sling
With Comedian Katie Massa
Subscribe on iTunes here!

It’s August!  What better time for lounging by the pool and getting drunk as a Hawaiian sunset?  We’ve been away for a while, but before this long hot summer passes into misty memory, the Drunks have brought you an extra special, extra-extended parade of TIKI, damn it!

We plumb the Pacific depths of the only genre of cocktails spawned from a theme restaurant.  Learn how Don the Beachcomber unwittingly founded the Tiki movement in pre-WWII California, and how competitor Trader Vic took it nation-wide from — believe it nor not — Oakland.   Then learn the history of the MAI TAI, the flagship tiki cocktail, and the SINGAPORE SLING, an outside-the-Polynesian-triangle addition to the tiki pantheon.

Matt Shaw also tells us about his distillery tour of Scotland.  Yes, someone let Matt Shaw loose in the land where they make scotch.  Katie Massa tells us how People are Horrible™. Buck expounds on what it means to get “Tiki Drunk.”   We solve the urgent riddle of Zsa Zsa Gabor: alive or dead? And we play “Name That Sex Act: Trump Edition.”  (NSFW as always.)

Subscribe on iTunes here!

Or listen directly here!

BUT FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS!  THIS GODDAMN BOOK!
Before we go too far, this is the flat-out amazing Tiki book we referenced during the show, Smuggler’s Cove by Martin Cate and Rebecca Cate.  It goes deep into the kelp on the true origins of all the Polynesian cocktails you sort-of know and think you probably would love if you could only try one.   It also contains the ORIGINAL MAI TAI recipe we tried.  (We’d post it here, but we don’t want to deny Martin & Rebecca their hard-earned book royalties.)   If you love Tiki as much as you love life itself, or even slightly less, go buy it right now!

And if you need your bad self some good Tiki mugs, we used this plucky little set.

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Mai Tai!

  • 1 oz (2 tablespoons) dark rum
  • 1 oz (2 tablespoons) amber rum
  • 2 tablespoons fresh orange juice
  • 1/2 oz (1 tablespoon) Cointreau (or triple sec or Curaçao)
  • 1 tablespoon fresh lime juice
  • 1 teaspoon orgeat syrup  (or 1 drop pure almond extract)
  • 1 teaspoon superfine granulated sugar
  • Dash of grenadine
  • Garnish: an orange slice, or Lime rind and mint sprig

Shake all of the ingredients with ice, pour into a highball glass with a straw.  Or a tiki glass, or a Tiki mug if you want to go full-Tiki.

Note: Martin Cate suggests you add the juice of half a fresh lime after the pour, to keep it from over-liming the whole drink.  YMMV.  There’s also some debate over the proper garnish.  Apparently the classic Mai Tai uses a mint sprig with the lime rind, while the more modern Tiki-slinger can go with an orange slice, or any of the usual Tiki umbrella/fruit combos.

DRINK MORE AT HOME!
The Singapore Sling!

  • 1 1⁄2 ounces gin
  • 1⁄2 ounce cherry heering
  • 1⁄4 ounce Cointreau liqueur
  • 1⁄4 ounce benedictine
  • 4 ounces pineapple juice
  • 1⁄2 ounce lime juice
  • 1⁄3 ounce grenadine
  • 1 dash bitters

Shake all ingredients in a shaker with shakable ice.  Strain into a highball glass or Tiki mug.  Garnish with whatever festive Tiki regalia you have at your disposal.  (But anything involving pineapple never hurts.)

FINALLY, THE COCONUT!
From the Gentleman Callers of Los Angeles

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Short: 1950s – THE BLACK RUSSIAN

By Eric

AOD_Black Russian_slug_small_IMG_1288Short: 1950s – The Black Russian
with Katie Massa and The Municipal Bloodbank Players*

“Drink-a-Decade” enters the cold war with a cocktail created for the amabssador of Luxembourg.  (Seriously.)

It’s the Black Russian, a drink so sweet and delicious you’ll forget it was born under the shadow of two great super-powers who hoped to destroy each other.  Learn about the White Russian and other far-less-drinkable variations that you really don’t want to try.  We also delve into the burning question of “Salve or ointment?” and also reveal where the hell Spork has been hiding all this time.  (Spoiler: It’s all about the Coachella Hippos.)  And we play “Black Russian, Bond Villain or Porn Star!”

*The Municipal Bloodbank Players do not actually appear in this show.

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_1950s_Black_Russian_Show.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Black Russian Cocktail

  • 5 parts vodka
  • 2 parts Kahlua or other coffee liqueur

Mix everything in a glass with ice and stir gently.  Really, it’s that simple.  And to make a White Russian, just add 3 parts half-and-half.  (Or commercial “Mocha Mix” if you want to go the full Lebowski.)

AND HERE’S THE WIKIPEDIA ENTRY ON THE WOMAN WHO INSPIRED THE COCKTAIL ITSELF
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perle_Mesta

Ain’t history grand?

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Short: 1940s – THE HURRICANE

By Eric


AoD_1940s_Hurricane_slug_smal_IMG_1270Short: 1940s – The Hurricane
with Katie Massa and Jason Berlin

“Drink-a-Decade” pulls into your harbor with the cocktail that was given away free to sailors!

It’s the Hurricane!  Drink yourself back to WWII-era New Orleans, when scotch was rare, and rum was flowing like seamen on shore-leave.  Discover the fruity-as-fuck concoction that made drinking in the streets famous.  We also discuss the New Jersey marschino cherrijuana bust.  And Katie Massa vomits into Jason Berlin’s mouth like a momma bird*  (NSFW as always.)

*Katie Massa does not vomit into anyone’s mouth.

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_1940s_Hurricane_Show.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Hurricane Cocktail – The Army of Drunks version

Let’s start by saying there doesn’t seem to be any agreement on how this cocktail is made. Some recipes use passion fruit juice, others insist on passion fruit syrup (good luck finding that at your local Walmart).  We started with the following recipe, but found that it was too damn sweet.  MixMa$ter Therm modified it to exclude the simple syrup, and that’s what we settled on before we passed out.  It’s a good-enough system for determining success.

  • 2oz light rum
  • 2oz dark tum
  • 2oz passion fruit juice
  • 1 oz orange juice
  • Juice of half a lime
  • 1 tsp simple syrup (though we like it better without it.)
  • 1 tsp grenadine
  • Orange slice and cherry for garnish
  • Ice

As usual, pour every last liquid thing in a cocktail shaker with ice and shake it like you mean it.  Pour into a hurricane glass over ice.  You do have a hurricane glass, don’t you?

NEED A HURRICANE GLASS?

MIXMA$TER THERM DRESSES FOR AUDIO!
 IMG_0370_copy
Semi-authentic 40’s garb!

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Short: 1930s – THE BROWN DERBY

By Eric

AoD_1930s_Brown_Derby_Slug_small_IMG_0408Short: 1930s – The Brown Derby
with Katie Massa and Jason Berlin

“Drink-a-Decade” rolls on like a runaway freight train that only smashes a stalled-out schoolbus once every two weeks!

Drink your way back to the Golden Age of Hollywood with the Brown Derby, a delightful blend of whiskey, grapefruit and honey that was possibly invented by Douglas Fairbanks, but definitely made famous in a giant hat.  Also, Jason Berlin spills the beans on his Evil Grandma Betty, and Katie Massa punches-out a raccoon!* (NSFW as always.)

*Katie Massa does not punch-out a raccoon.

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_1930s_Brown_Derby_Show_1-2.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Brown Derby Cocktail

  • 1.5 oz Bourbon
  • 1 oz Fresh grapefruit juice (or from a jar, if you must, but don’t used that sweetened stuff)
  • 1/2 oz Honey syrup (like simple syrup, but with honey.  1 part honey, 1 part water, and hey, you can even make it on the fly if you’re that kind of lazy*)

Put all ingredients in a cocktail shaker.  Shake.  Pour into glass, martini-shaped or otherwise.  Garnish with citrus peel of choice (except lime).  Drink.  Pretend you’re Douglas Fairbanks or Carole Lombard.  Drink more.  Become convinced you’re Douglas Fairbanks or Carole Lombard.

*But don’t be that kind of lazy.  It’s embarrassing.

DRUNK BOOK ALERT!
Once again, we referenced the Savoy Cocktail book in our show.  If you don’t own it, you should buy it now.  That’s an order.

 

And MixMa$ter Therm Goes All-30’s and Gets Dressed-Up for Radio!
Which is more dedication than you ever showed.
IMG_0367

Finally, a Depressing Photo of Brown Derby Plaza
And a link to the Yelp review of their apparently-shitty valet parking.
derby_plaza2007

http://www.yelp.com/biz/brown-derby-plaza-valet-los-angeles

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Short: 1920s – THE BEE’S KNEES

By Eric

AOD_Bees_Knees_Slug_small_IMG_0398Short: 1920s – The Bee’s Knees
with Katie Massa and Jason Berlin

It’s “Drink-a-Decade,” which is as catchy as we can pull off when we’ve had a few.  The Army of Drunks is profiling one cocktail to represent the spirit of each decade, and we’re starting with Prohibition.  Enjoy the 1920’s-era Bee’s Knees, the cocktail so delightfully sweet it can mask even the most formaldehyde-laden bathtub gin.  (But we suggest something botanical.)  Buck and Vanessa are on break, so welcome Katie Massa and Jason Berlin, who can tell you all about evil grandmas and getting arrested while wearing Daisy Dukes.  (NSFW as always.)

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_1920s_Bees_Knees_Show_1-2.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME
The Bee’s Knees Cocktail

  • 2 oz  Gin (Dry gin is more historically accurate, but botanical gin works like magic.)
  • 3/4 oz fresh lemon juice
  • 3/4 oz honey simple syrup (one part honey, one part water)
  • Lemon twist to garnish

First, choose your gin.  Yes, a dry gin is more historically accurate, but a more modern botanical gin mixes really well with the honey.  (And face it, if you really wanted to be historically accurate you’d use bathtub gin mixed with formaldehyde.)  Then make some honey simple syrup the same way you make regular simple syrup, but with honey.  (We know that’s complicated, but breathe through it.)  Then squeeze a lemon, because anyone using store-bought lemon juice is a bounder and a cad.  Mix all the liquid ingredients in a shaker.  Shake like the cops are busting down the door.  Pour into your glass of choice (a martini glass works nicely), add the lemon twist and enjoy.

MixMa$ter Therm dresses for the decade.
therm bees knees 1920s small IMG_0362

And Buy Your Katie-Approved Daisy Dukes here!

Along with other fine products at our Drunkstore!

 

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THE COSMOPOLITAN SHOW – with Jackie Monahan

By Eric

AOD_Cosmo_show_IMG_0236_smallTHE COSMOPOLITAN SHOW
With Jackie Monahan
and Special Guest-Spork Katie Massa

In honor of both Valentine’s Day and Lincoln’s Birthday, we investigate the Cosmopolitan cocktail, the drink made famous as the biggest “girlie” drink of the last decade.  But is it more “gay” than “girlie?”  And does that even matter to an evolved drunk such as yourself?   We also sit down with comedienne Jackie Monahan, who tells us what it’s like to be a “lesbian comedian” who starts dating a guy.  Plus, guest Spork Katie Massa, pantsless booze news, and Shaw has the conch!*  (Very NSFW, very LGBT-friendly!)

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_Cosmopolitan_Show_1-2.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Cosmopolitan Cocktail

  • 1 1/2  oz vodka (or vodka citron, or your own citrus- infused vodka if you’re MixMa$ter Therm)
  • 1/2 oz Rose’s® lime juice (or fresh-squeezed lime juice if you’re MixMa$ter Therm)
  • 1/2 oz cranberry juice (or unfiltered cranberry juice plus simple syrup if you’re MixMa$ter Therm)
  • 1/2 oz triple sec (or Contreau if you’re MixMa$ter Therm, or you weren’t raised behind a free clinic)

Put all ingredients in a shaker.  Shake like you mean it.  Pour into a martini glass.  Garnish with lemon slice or orange slice.  Pretend “Sex in the City” is still on the air.

CHECK OUT JACKIE’S SITE
http://www.jackiemonahan.com

AND WATCH JACKIE’S MOVIES ON AMAZON VIDEO

AND CHECK OUT KATIE MASSA’S SITE
http://www.katiemassa.com

AND BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU MIGHT NEED IT
http://www.hsfreeclinic.org

*Who got the Lord of the Flies reference?  Anyone?  Your junior high english teacher would be proud.

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