DAIQUIRI SUMMER SPECIAL – with Doug Ecks
DAIQUIRI SUMMER SPECIAL – 2018
with Competitive Eater Doug Ecks
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503 Distilling has a fantastic line cocktails in a can, for those times when you just don’t have the time, space, or gumption to mix your own damn drink. Between the Wicked Mule and the Blood Hound, they got your lazy drunken ways covered! Deliciously too, damn it!
DRINK ALONG AT HOME
The Daiquiri
The classic daiquiri recipe is not that complicated. If you fuck it up, you’re not even competent enough to be drinking, much less drink-mixing. However, it never hurts to do the homework of squeezing your own limes and picking up a good rum for a change.*
- 2 oz light rum
- 1 oz fresh squeezed lime juice
- 1/2 oz simple syrup
- Ice. Some say crushed.
First you need to chill your glass, because it’s hot in Cuba. Put some ice in it and set it aside, like any kindergarten-level bartender knows to do. Then put some ice in a cocktail shaker and throw in your ingredients. (Throw is a metaphor, here. Don’t throw any liquids unless you are secretly Avatar: The Last Booze-Bender and have supernatural control over cocktails. If this is the case, also please be training to battle the Lord of the Sober Nation.) Shake the mixture up good. Remove the ice from your glass and lovingly pour in the magic cocktail juice. Garnish with a lime wheel and enjoy. WE SAID ENJOY, YOU BASTARD!
NOTE: Some recipes call for you to use straight sugar instead of simple syrup. This is Next Level Shit™, and we don’t recommend you try it without a lot of practice first. The results can be uncomfortably granular and not nearly sweet enough.
*Serious Eats has a nice article on daiquiri rums. We tried noth Flor de Caña and Diplomatico for the show, but we got so drunk we can’t remember which we liked better.
VARIATIONS!
The Banana Daiquiri
We also tried a bastardized version of the New York Times’ Banana Daiquiri recipe. Bastardized in that Shaft forgot to buy orange juice so we just plum left it out. Still, it’s the best banana daiquiri we’ve ever had, and we used to frequent TGI Friday’s in our young, embarrassing years.
(By the way, the next time you hear Unhinged Chucklehead Donald Trump call the New York Times “failing,” point out to him that they’ve done a hell of a lot more to promote banana daiquiris in this country than he has. Then please kick him in the goolies for us, since you’ve obviously gotten close enough to talk to his bloated orange face.)
The Times’ recipe is:
- 2 ½ ounces dark rum
- 2 ½ ounces light rum
- 3 ounces lime juice
- 2 ounces orange juice (which we forgot and it turned out great anyway)
- 2 large, very ripe, frozen bananas, sliced
- 1 ounce simple syrup
- 2 cups ice
Mix everything up in a blender. Pour it all in a glass. Throw fruit on top to make it look cute. Pour down chest. Pretend it’s spring break.
The Hemingway Daiquiri
The version Ernest made famous, also called “The Papa Doble,” because it needed twice the rum to satisfy a man of such massive manliness. Imbibe magazine’s Hemingway Daiquiri recipe is as good as you’ll find anywhere, so go check them out.
The shorthand version is:
- 1 ½ oz. white rum
- ¾ oz. fresh lime juice
- ¼ oz. fresh grapefruit juice
- ¼ oz. maraschino liqueur
Do the usual stuff you’d think to it.
OUR DRUNKEN GUESTS
Doug Ecks’s profile can be found on the Major League Eating website.
He’s also on Facebook if you really need to get a hold of him, but you can search for that. We’re not enabling any of you hotdog-stalkers.
STUFF YOU SHOULD BUY!
Once again, we brought up the Smuggler’s Cove book. If you don’t own it already, buy it through our Army of Drunks link and we’ll get to keep a few cents off the sale. Jeff Bezos is a god damn saint, isn’t he?