drink-a-decade | THE ARMY OF DRUNKS PODCAST

Short: 1990s – (Redeeming) THE APPLETINI

July 19, 2015 By Eric

Short: 1990s – (Redeeming) The Appletini
with the Army of Drunks!

Ah, the 1990s! A time of transition between the sugary concoctions of the 80s and the more mature cocktails of times to come. Where candy-flavored “bullshitinis” ruled the high-end drink menus of bars all over America. We dive face-first into the Jolly Rancher-green Appletini and survive. How? Through the ingenuity of MixMa$ter Therm and his genuinely-worthy Apple Martini recipe. Along the way, we get to know the drink nobody wants to take credit for, except maybe some guy named Adam Carston. Listen and be amazed! (NSFW as always.)

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Classic Bullshit Appletini Recipe That Will Make You Popular With College Kids

2 parts vodka
1 part sour apple pucker
3 parts shame (If genuine shame is available, you should not be serving this drink.)
Apple slice for garnish

Put all ingredients in a shaker with ice. Shake. Pour toxic green mixture in glass. Garnish with apple slice. Serve to under-age sorority girl. Drink. Realize what you’ve done. Cry bitter tears. Scrape sugar from lips.

The MixMa$ter Therm Variation That’s Genuinely Good

4 parts vodka
1 part calvados
1 part unfiltered apple juice
1/2 part cointreau
Apple slice for garnish

Put all ingredients in a shaker with ice. (Except the apple slice. It’s a garnish, and you’re smarter than that, friend.) Shake like you mean it. Pour into a chilled glass. Garnish with the apple. Sip confidently knowing you’ve graduated to the next level, and those green Appletini Goblins can never hurt you again.

Finally, Who the F*** is Adam Carston?
http://bfy.tw/tQZ

Short: 1980s – THE SEX ON THE BEACH

June 14, 2015 By Eric

Short: 1980s – The Sex on the Beach
with the Army of Drunks

Why are we doing this? Really, why are we doing this? The 80s. Was it the beginning of institutionalized Spring Break drinking, or did it just seem that way because everyone was young and drunk? We take no steps toward finding out, but we do drive head-first into the Sex on the Beach cocktail. And if it makes you feel any better, we don’t enjoy it.

And if you can create one cocktail after an embarrassing Spring Break indiscretion, can you create more? Find out as we reverse-engineer awkward sex acts into cocktail recipes. And remember, Alcohol Jesus is watching over us all.

Subscribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Sex on the Beach

2 parts Vodka
1 part Peach schnapps
2 parts Orange juice
2 parts Cranberry juice

Pour everthing in a big glass with ice. Stir. Drink. Throw dignity down toilet. Repeat.

OPTIONAL MIXMA$TER THERM VARIATIONS
MixMa$ter Therm came up with a couple of variants to make to make the drink a little more palatable.

Variant One: Replace the Peach schnapps with Cointreau.
Variant Two: Replace the Peach schnapps with a float of Galliano.

OTHER SPRING BREAK SEX-ACT COCKTAILS!

THE SEX IN A MOTEL6
• Jaegermeister
• Plastic-lined glass
• Small bar of soap

THE BLOWJOB IN A PARKING LOT
• Midori
• Cream.

THE UNCOMFORTABLE THREEWAY
•Goldschlager
•Kahlua
•Coke

THE CONSOLATION HANDY
• Orbitz
• Popov

THE DANCEFLOOR DRY-HUMP
• Red Bull
• Dry Sack Sherry

Short: 1970s – THE HARVEY WALLBANGER

May 22, 2015 By Eric

Short: 1970s – The Harvey Wallbanger
with the full Army of Drunks

Return with us to the 1970s — an era of bell-bottoms, key parties, and generally terribly cocktails — to discover the Harvey Wallbanger, the most refreshing summer drink with the most fictionalized history in all of bartending. The Army of Drunks asks the burning question: How can a cocktail made of so many lies take so damn delicious?

We also delve into the cocktail’s inherent dichotomy: Is Wallbanger is a girlie drink or a manly drink? And play along at home as Eric challenges everyone to “Real Cocktail or Real Canadian?” (Note: We clearly lost track of the score. Sorry about that. We were drunk.)

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_1970s_Harvey_Wallbanger_Show_1-2.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Harvey Wallbanger

1 1/2 oz. (3 parts) vodka
3 oz (6 parts) orange juice
1/2 oz (1 part) Galliano (a.k.a. Liquore Galliano L’Autentico, if you want to be that way.)

Stir the vodka, orange juice and ice in a highball glass. Float the Galliano on the top. Garnish with an orange slice and serve outside on the lawn.

(Optional: Place all car keys in a bowl. Blindly draw a set of keys from said bowl. Match the keys with the car-owner. Have awkward “swinging” sex with that person.)

FOR HISTORICAL REFERENCE: AN ORIGINAL “HARVEY WALLBANGER” SALES POSTER
(See what me mean about “Meth-Head Ziggy?”)

AND GRAB YOUR STRANGELY-UNRELATED WALLBANGER MERCH NOW!

Short: 1960s – THE RUSTY NAIL

May 9, 2015 By Eric

Short: 1960s – The Rusty Nail
with Katie Massa and Björk*

*The Icelandic bark liqueur Björk, not the Icelandic elfin singer Björk.

“Drink-a-Decade” enters the 60s with the Rusty Nail, a drink popularized by the Rat Pack and the best use of Drambuie since getting your grandmother to pass out at Christmas. We explore the history of a cocktail with its roots in British Industry, but which never caught on until — surprise, surprise — a big-time liquor company got behind it.

Is it too sweet or just sweet enough? Fortunately MixMa$ter Therm ran extensive experiments to find the optimal Rusty Nail scotch-to-Drambuie ratio, and we pass that hard-won information on to you.

We also sample Björk, the Icelandic bark-based liqueur that has nothing to do with the singer, honestly, but comes with a stick in every bottle, and play “Name That Sex Act” with Rusty Nails. (NSFW as always.)

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_1950s_Black_Russian_Show.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Rusty Nail – MixMa$ter Therm Ratio

5 parts scotch
2 parts Drambuie liqueur

There seems to be no clear consensus on the ratio of scotch to Drambuie in a Rusty Nail, with some recipes calling for as high as 1-to-1. (And damn, is that disgustingly sweet.) Our experience is that 5 parts scotch to 2 parts Drambuie yields a cocktail that’s got enough of the sweet “delicious” factor without going too far over the line. However, if that’s still too sweet for you, a 4-to-1 mix might suit you better.

And as will all cocktails of the period, just mix everything in a glass with ice. It’s not that complicated.

THE RUSTY RATIOS ALL LAID OUT

AND A BOTTLE OF BJÖRK!

Short: 1940s – THE HURRICANE

April 12, 2015 By Eric

Short: 1940s – The Hurricane
with Katie Massa and Jason Berlin

“Drink-a-Decade” pulls into your harbor with the cocktail that was given away free to sailors!

It’s the Hurricane! Drink yourself back to WWII-era New Orleans, when scotch was rare, and rum was flowing like seamen on shore-leave. Discover the fruity-as-fuck concoction that made drinking in the streets famous. We also discuss the New Jersey marschino cherrijuana bust. And Katie Massa vomits into Jason Berlin’s mouth like a momma bird* (NSFW as always.)

*Katie Massa does not vomit into anyone’s mouth.

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_1940s_Hurricane_Show.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Hurricane Cocktail – The Army of Drunks version

Let’s start by saying there doesn’t seem to be any agreement on how this cocktail is made. Some recipes use passion fruit juice, others insist on passion fruit syrup (good luck finding that at your local Walmart). We started with the following recipe, but found that it was too damn sweet. MixMa$ter Therm modified it to exclude the simple syrup, and that’s what we settled on before we passed out. It’s a good-enough system for determining success.

2oz light rum
2oz dark tum
2oz passion fruit juice
1 oz orange juice
Juice of half a lime
1 tsp simple syrup (though we like it better without it.)
1 tsp grenadine
Orange slice and cherry for garnish
Ice

As usual, pour every last liquid thing in a cocktail shaker with ice and shake it like you mean it. Pour into a hurricane glass over ice. You do have a hurricane glass, don’t you?

NEED A HURRICANE GLASS?

MIXMA$TER THERM DRESSES FOR AUDIO!
IMG_0370_copy
Semi-authentic 40’s garb!

Short: 1930s – THE BROWN DERBY

March 29, 2015 By Eric

Short: 1930s – The Brown Derby
with Katie Massa and Jason Berlin

“Drink-a-Decade” rolls on like a runaway freight train that only smashes a stalled-out schoolbus once every two weeks!

Drink your way back to the Golden Age of Hollywood with the Brown Derby, a delightful blend of whiskey, grapefruit and honey that was possibly invented by Douglas Fairbanks, but definitely made famous in a giant hat. Also, Jason Berlin spills the beans on his Evil Grandma Betty, and Katie Massa punches-out a raccoon!* (NSFW as always.)

*Katie Massa does not punch-out a raccoon.

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_1930s_Brown_Derby_Show_1-2.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Brown Derby Cocktail

1.5 oz Bourbon
1 oz Fresh grapefruit juice (or from a jar, if you must, but don’t used that sweetened stuff)
1/2 oz Honey syrup (like simple syrup, but with honey. 1 part honey, 1 part water, and hey, you can even make it on the fly if you’re that kind of lazy*)

Put all ingredients in a cocktail shaker. Shake. Pour into glass, martini-shaped or otherwise. Garnish with citrus peel of choice (except lime). Drink. Pretend you’re Douglas Fairbanks or Carole Lombard. Drink more. Become convinced you’re Douglas Fairbanks or Carole Lombard.

*But don’t be that kind of lazy. It’s embarrassing.

DRUNK BOOK ALERT!
Once again, we referenced the Savoy Cocktail book in our show. If you don’t own it, you should buy it now. That’s an order.

And MixMa$ter Therm Goes All-30’s and Gets Dressed-Up for Radio!
Which is more dedication than you ever showed.

Finally, a Depressing Photo of Brown Derby Plaza
And a link to the Yelp review of their apparently-shitty valet parking.

http://www.yelp.com/biz/brown-derby-plaza-valet-los-angeles

Short: 1920s – THE BEE’S KNEES

March 14, 2015 By Eric

Short: 1920s – The Bee’s Knees
with Katie Massa and Jason Berlin

It’s “Drink-a-Decade,” which is as catchy as we can pull off when we’ve had a few. The Army of Drunks is profiling one cocktail to represent the spirit of each decade, and we’re starting with Prohibition. Enjoy the 1920’s-era Bee’s Knees, the cocktail so delightfully sweet it can mask even the most formaldehyde-laden bathtub gin. (But we suggest something botanical.) Buck and Vanessa are on break, so welcome Katie Massa and Jason Berlin, who can tell you all about evil grandmas and getting arrested while wearing Daisy Dukes. (NSFW as always.)

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_1920s_Bees_Knees_Show_1-2.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME
The Bee’s Knees Cocktail

2 oz Gin (Dry gin is more historically accurate, but botanical gin works like magic.)
3/4 oz fresh lemon juice
3/4 oz honey simple syrup (one part honey, one part water)
Lemon twist to garnish

First, choose your gin. Yes, a dry gin is more historically accurate, but a more modern botanical gin mixes really well with the honey. (And face it, if you really wanted to be historically accurate you’d use bathtub gin mixed with formaldehyde.) Then make some honey simple syrup the same way you make regular simple syrup, but with honey. (We know that’s complicated, but breathe through it.) Then squeeze a lemon, because anyone using store-bought lemon juice is a bounder and a cad. Mix all the liquid ingredients in a shaker. Shake like the cops are busting down the door. Pour into your glass of choice (a martini glass works nicely), add the lemon twist and enjoy.

MixMa$ter Therm dresses for the decade.

And Buy Your Katie-Approved Daisy Dukes here!

Along with other fine products at our Drunkstore!