cocktail | THE ARMY OF DRUNKS PODCAST

THE GIMLET SHOW – with Brian Doherty

July 14, 2017 By Eric

THE GIMLET SHOW
with Brian Doherty
Senior Editor at Reason Magazine

It’s “Ask a Drunk Libertarian,” as we get loaded with Brian Doherty, author and senior editor at Reason Magazine. Hear Brian explain that even libertarians don’t take Ayn Rand all that seriously. WARNING: This one gets into an actual political conversation. (We’re shocked, too.) If that bothers you, just fast forward to “Randy, Rice, or Rooney” at the end.

We also find out the history of the Gimlet cocktail, and how it was created by a conspiracy of British sailors and lime juice merchants. Damn limeys.

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DRINK ALONG AT HOME
The Gimlet

MixMa$ter Therm was out of town for this one, so until he engineers the “perfect” version, we’re presenting you with two classic recipes.

“Classic” Gimlet

5 parts gin
1 part simple syrup
1 part lime juice

Combine all the damn ingredients in a shaker. Shake it. Pour over ice. It’s that simple. You can also use Rose’s lime juice if you so choose. It’s already sweetened, but also has some bitter “peel” flavor inherent, so it balances out. There are some people who say stir the damn thing. As far as we can tell, it doesn’t make a big difference in the drink overall, but there’s something about the supercooled shaken version that we enjoy.

Raymond Chandler’s “Long Goodbye” Gimlet

2 parts gin
1 part lime juice
1 part simple syrup

This is exactly how the drink is described in Raymond Chandler’s “The Long Goodbye,” and apparently in the Savoy Cocktail Book as well. Not exactly the ginniest of Gimlets, but it’s a fun historical oddity. Shake it if you got it.

OUR DRUNKEN GUEST

Here’s a link to Brian’s page at Reason.com!

And pick up one of his books. He’s got one of the best book’s on the history of Burning Man, ever.

And you want Rose’s Lime Juice? We got the US and the UK versions!

THE EL PRESIDENTE SHOW REDUX – with Jhonen Vasquez

June 24, 2017 By Eric

THE EL PRESIDENTE SHOW – REDUX
With Jhonen Vasquez
(The Re-Run)
Subscribe on iTunes!

In preparation for Season Three, we’re releasing one of our favorite shows: the 2015 interview with Jhonen Vasquez. (Creator of Invader ZIM, Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, and, you know, other stuff.) This was before the new INVADER ZIM special was announced (yay!), and before Donald Trump fucked up relations with Cuba (asshole!), but it’s still a great interview, and a durn fine cocktail. (Still NSFW, and definitely not safe for kids.)

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ORIGINAL GODDAMN SHOW NOTES!
Yeah, we were going to do a show about the Zombie, but it turns out that’s way more complicated than we thought. Seriously, no two recipes are alike on that cocktail, and one of them involves cooking up your own spice mix. Seriously. So in honor of re-opening relations with Cuba, we present a cocktail that was founded in Havanah during prohibition and crossed that small patch of ocean to the United States. In the process we learn they never should have added the goddamn grenadine.

Our quest is Jhonen Vasquez, comic book artist and creator of the INVADER ZIM cartoon series. We talk a little about the new INVADER ZIM comic, and talk a lot about other random things like robots, murder, horror movies, the glorious absurdity of adults being stupid for a living, and how to rule with an iron scrotum. (NSFW as always. And really not safe for kids.)

DRINK ALONG AT HOME
The El Presidente

We went through a couple of recipes until we found what we think is the optimal version of the El Presidente. The secret: NO GRENADINE!

MixMa$ter Therm’s Optimal Presidente:

2 parts white rum. (Something better than Bacardi if you can find it.)
1 part dry vermouth. (Dolin white is the most recommended.)
1/2 part orange curacao.

Shake all ingredients in a shaker, like you do, and pour into a chilled glass. Garnish with an orange peel if you have any style at all. Drink while you oppress the common people.

Oh, and when you’re done… always refrigerate your vermouth! It goes bad.

But if you insist on trying the more mainstream version:

2 parts white rum.
2 parts dry vermouth.
1/2 part orange curacao.
Dash of grenadine.

Shake everything in a shaker with ice, like you would. Pour in glass. Drink. Think about how it would be much better without the grenadine.

SOME OF JHONEN’S OFFICIAL INTERNET LOCALES
http://www.questionsleep.com
http://jhonenv.tumblr.com
https://twitter.com/jhonenv

AND SOME OF VASQUEZERY ON AMAZON

AND DON’T FORGET THE “ROBOT OR NOT” PODCAST
https://www.theincomparable.com/robot/

THE OLD FASHIONED SHOW HOLIDAY REDUX – with Johnny Amerika

November 29, 2015 By Eric

OLD FASHIONED SHOW – HOLIDAY REDUX!

With Johnny Amerika

Holiday time is upon us, and as the Drunks gear up for Season Two, we regift a show from Season One, now with added fruitcakery! MixMa$ter Therm tells you how to make your own Holiday Five-Actually-Seven-Spice Liqueur to give as a gift to the ones you claim to love!

Meet mad genius Johnny Amerika who builds the sort of machines you only come up with when you’re drunk as the Army of Drunks get ice-balls deep in the (Whisky) Old Fashioned cocktail, a drink older than anyone alive today. We also hear news from the drunken hamlet of River Falls, learn the story of a real-live Killdozer, and drink seven-week-old eggnog without dying.

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!

MIXMA$TER THERM’S HOLIDAY FIVE-ACTUALLY-SEVEN-SPICE LIQUEUR!
Infusing liqueur is a (sometimes) cheap and (always) easy way to create a gift that makes you look a like an artisan badass. MixMa$ter Therm set out to concoct a booze based on the original “Chinese Five Spice” spice mix, and two extra spices later had a perfect Christmas liquor for getting loaded under the tree. You will need:

1 oz. cinnamon stick(s)
1 oz. whole cloves
1 oz. star anis
1 oz. fennel seeds
1 oz. black pepper corns
1 oz. whole nutmeg
1 oz. whole allspice
1.75 liter bottle of vodka
Approximately 2 cups simple syrup (1 part sugar to 1 part water)

REGARDING THE SPICES – Yes, we suggest buying them whole, not ground. It’s not the cheapest way to go, but you’ll have enough left over to make gallons of the stuff if you want.

Holiday Seven Spice Liqueur_small OriginalPhoto-470515979.008200 Measure out 1 oz. each of the spices and put them in a big pile. Mash the cinnamon sticks and the nutmeg if you want, but otherwise toss everything in a frying pan and toast it up over the stove. (That means just heating them up for a few minutes while you toss them around in the pan. NO STINKIN’ OIL!)

Coax all of those spices into a big-ass bottle of vodka and let it sit for about three days. Be sure to turn the bottle over a few times once or twice a day to keep them flavors mixin’! When the three days are up, strain out all of the spice through a fine strainer or a loose coffee filter or the powers of your mind or something. (And yeah, you’ll need a big bowl to dump all of this Christmas-tasting liquor into.)

Add simple syrup to taste, but we found a 1-to-4 syrup-to-vodka ratio worked quite well. This would be about 2 cups of simple syrup for 1.75 liters of infused vodka. Sip along the way to make sure you’ve done it right, and to make the time pass faster.

Pour your finished liqueur into smaller bottles, slap home-made labels on them that read “Annie’s Secret Christmas Cheer Elf Potion” or something equally f***ing adorable, and give them out to anyone you want to impress. Sit back and reap the holiday benefits, or just get drunk on pure Christmas magic!

AND NOW FOR THE SHOW NOTES…

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Whiskey Old-Fashioned

2 oz. bourbon or rye. (Or a mix. We used three parts bourbon to one part rye.)
1 sugar cube. (Or 1/2 oz simple syrup.)
Angostura bitters
Orange slice and/or peel
One non-marchino cherry (optional)

Put a sugar cube in a glass and soak it down with bitters. (And add a little water if that’s how you roll.) Muddle it. Pour in the booze. Add a slice of orange or orange peel, and a cherry. DO NOT MUDDLE THE FRUIT, DAMN IT! Serve like you mean it.

MixMa$ter Therm gazes with dread upon the seven-week old eggnog.

Here’s Johnny’s trebuchet commercial.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZbG9i1oGPA

And the story of Marvin Heemeyer.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marvin_Heemeyer

THE WHITE RUSSIAN SHOW – with Aydrea Walden

September 11, 2015 By Eric

THE WHITE RUSSIAN SHOW
With Aydrea Walden
(Author of The Oreo Experience)

The White Russian? Is it more than just a Black Russian with cream? Actually, no. But just like “cream” can mean the difference between an NC-17 and X rating, the mighty dairy product does something special that takes this cocktail to a sweeter and sweatier place.

Join us as we explore the details of the White Russian, and since we really covered the Black Russian in another show, also discuss the details of the 1985 film “White Nights,” with Gregory Hines and Mikhail Baryshnikov.

But our real star is Aydrea Walden, author of “The Oreo Experience” blog, and creator of the stage show of the same name. Aydrea regales us with tales of growing up as a self-described “Oreo,” or “total whitey trapped in a black chick’s body,” why it was impossible to convince her white peers in a Texas high school that no, she did not like “Boys II Men,” and how she still can make an East Coast W.A.S.P. uncomfortable.

We also discover a how you, too, can go to an actual bathroom in the middle of a lake, play “Which is Whiter?” and find out what’s in Shaw’s Craw.

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The White Russian

5 parts (or 2.5 oz) vodka
3 parts (or 1.5 oz) Kahlua or coffee liqueur
1 part (or 1 oz) cream or half-and half
Ice (duh)

The biggest point of contention in all White Russian recipes is the balance of ingredients. After some experimentation, MixMa$ter Therm determined the 5-3-1 of vodka to Kahlua to cream seems to be the optimal combination. Fill a glass with ice, add the vodka and the Kahlua, stir affectionately, then add the cream on the top. Drink while imagining you’re as cool as anything that happened in The Big Lebowski.

CHECK OUT AYDREA WALDEN’S WORK!
The Oreo Experience Blog
The Oreo Experience Live Show

THE CROWLEY LAKE FLOATING OUTHOUSE
No photographic records exist of this outhouse, leading us to believe that is really is a supernatural phenomenon.

THE MOJITO SHOW – with Clifton James Weaver III

August 14, 2015 By Eric

THE MOJITO SHOW
With Clifton James Weaver III
(aka DJ Soft Touch)

What’s the “Song of the Summer” for 2015? Damn us to Pharrell Hell if we know, kids! Popular music has failed us, so we sit down with one of L.A.’s most accomplished funk and soul DJs, Clifton James Weaver, and tap his encyclopedic knowledge of groove before August slips away.

We also sit back and sip on the Mojito, Cuba’s most enduring contribution beyond cigars and a stream of angry expatriates to Florida. Discover the drink that started as a cure for dysentery and ended up as one of Ernest Hemingway’s favorites!

And: Could Ike Turner beat up Ché Guevara? (NSFW as always.)

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!

DRINK ALONG AT HOME
The Mojito

3/4 oz lime juice
1 3/4 tsp superfine sugar
2 oz white rum
4 oz club soda
4 mint leaves (or more)

First muddle the mint leaves with the sugar and lime juice in a tall glass. (If you don’t have a professional-grade muddler, you can use a spoon. If you do have a professional muddler, congratulations on a good use of your discretionary income.) Add the white rum, top off with soda water, garnish with more mint and/or lime slices, drink with a straw, write novel, plan revolution. Repeat.

MIXMA$TER THERM’S MOJITO CALCULATIONS

CLIFTON JAMES WEAVER ON THE WEB
Clifton’s Corner at Aquarium Drunkard
Snap, Crackle and Bop on Punk Aristocrats
Jump + Dance Radio
Funky Sole at the Echo on Facebook
Clifton’s Facebook Page

OUR PLAYLIST FOR THE NIGHT
Keep on Shining – Curtis Harding
Move On Up – Curtis Mayfield
Check Your Bucket – Eddie Bo
Sex Machine – Get Up with Dancer
Kelen Kati Leen – Orchestra Baobab
Got a Thing on My Mind– Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings
Vehicle – Orquesta Cubana de Musica Moderna

All of these songs can be found on Amazon at The Army’s Drunk Music Store!
(So hey, music lawyers, please don’t give us a take-down order.)

THE SAZERAC SHOW – with Ian McEwan

August 1, 2015 By Eric

THE SAZERAC SHOW
With Ian McEwan
(“The Drunken Scientist”)

“Ask a Drunken Scientist!” That’s what we wanted to do. Don’t ask us why, because we have no reasonable explanation, but fortunately for us, we found Ian McEwan, and after a few cocktails he was willing to answer all of our questions from quantum theory to climate-change deniers to whether the U.S.S. Enterprise could beat up an Imperial Star Destroyer.

We also get into the history of the Sazerac cocktail, a sweet-and-herbal rye concoction invented in 1800s New Orleans ostensibly as a way for a local pharmacist to sell his bitters. (Man, have we really gotten that cynical?) If you ever wondered how Peycahud’s bitters got their start, listen up here.

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!

DRINK ALONG AT HOME
The Sazerac

2 oz Rye.
1/2 oz simple syrup or 1 sugar cube.
2-3 dashes Peychaud’s Bitters.
About 1/2 oz Absinthe — or Herbsaint — to rinse the glass.
Lemon peel for garnish.
Ice

Tradition has it the Sazerac is created in two old-fashioned glasses. Chill one glass by filling it with ice. In the other, mash the sugar cube up with a few dashes of bitters (or just use simple syrup if mashing doesn’t agree with you.) Add the rye stir. In the other glass, get rid of the ice and give it a rinse of absinthe. Herbsaint will work if you can’t find absinthe, though let’s face it, if you can get your hands on Herbsaint, you can probably find absinthe with no trouble. Pour the rye mixture into the glass and add ice. Garnish with a lemon peel. Serve. Drink. Repeat.

By the way, when choosing a rye, you do not need to use the “official” Sazerac brand rye. Any smooth rye will do, or even an angry rye if you’re in the mood.

Original Brandy Sazerac Variant
The Sazerac was originally made with brandy, so it’s can be a fun experiment to mix one up using the classic wine spirit instead of rye. If you do, halve the amount of sugar or simple syrup you use, because brandy is sweet enough as it is. Serve with a sense of historical smugness.

Thanks to Topline Wine for the Rye Report!
www.toplinewine.com

Get your Peychaud’s Bitters!

And here’s a link to The Lawnmower Man, because you must never forget this chapter of our cinematic heritage.

Short: 1990s – (Redeeming) THE APPLETINI

July 19, 2015 By Eric

Short: 1990s – (Redeeming) The Appletini
with the Army of Drunks!

Ah, the 1990s! A time of transition between the sugary concoctions of the 80s and the more mature cocktails of times to come. Where candy-flavored “bullshitinis” ruled the high-end drink menus of bars all over America. We dive face-first into the Jolly Rancher-green Appletini and survive. How? Through the ingenuity of MixMa$ter Therm and his genuinely-worthy Apple Martini recipe. Along the way, we get to know the drink nobody wants to take credit for, except maybe some guy named Adam Carston. Listen and be amazed! (NSFW as always.)

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Classic Bullshit Appletini Recipe That Will Make You Popular With College Kids

2 parts vodka
1 part sour apple pucker
3 parts shame (If genuine shame is available, you should not be serving this drink.)
Apple slice for garnish

Put all ingredients in a shaker with ice. Shake. Pour toxic green mixture in glass. Garnish with apple slice. Serve to under-age sorority girl. Drink. Realize what you’ve done. Cry bitter tears. Scrape sugar from lips.

The MixMa$ter Therm Variation That’s Genuinely Good

4 parts vodka
1 part calvados
1 part unfiltered apple juice
1/2 part cointreau
Apple slice for garnish

Put all ingredients in a shaker with ice. (Except the apple slice. It’s a garnish, and you’re smarter than that, friend.) Shake like you mean it. Pour into a chilled glass. Garnish with the apple. Sip confidently knowing you’ve graduated to the next level, and those green Appletini Goblins can never hurt you again.

Finally, Who the F*** is Adam Carston?
http://bfy.tw/tQZ

Short: 1980s – THE SEX ON THE BEACH

June 14, 2015 By Eric

Short: 1980s – The Sex on the Beach
with the Army of Drunks

Why are we doing this? Really, why are we doing this? The 80s. Was it the beginning of institutionalized Spring Break drinking, or did it just seem that way because everyone was young and drunk? We take no steps toward finding out, but we do drive head-first into the Sex on the Beach cocktail. And if it makes you feel any better, we don’t enjoy it.

And if you can create one cocktail after an embarrassing Spring Break indiscretion, can you create more? Find out as we reverse-engineer awkward sex acts into cocktail recipes. And remember, Alcohol Jesus is watching over us all.

Subscribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Sex on the Beach

2 parts Vodka
1 part Peach schnapps
2 parts Orange juice
2 parts Cranberry juice

Pour everthing in a big glass with ice. Stir. Drink. Throw dignity down toilet. Repeat.

OPTIONAL MIXMA$TER THERM VARIATIONS
MixMa$ter Therm came up with a couple of variants to make to make the drink a little more palatable.

Variant One: Replace the Peach schnapps with Cointreau.
Variant Two: Replace the Peach schnapps with a float of Galliano.

OTHER SPRING BREAK SEX-ACT COCKTAILS!

THE SEX IN A MOTEL6
• Jaegermeister
• Plastic-lined glass
• Small bar of soap

THE BLOWJOB IN A PARKING LOT
• Midori
• Cream.

THE UNCOMFORTABLE THREEWAY
•Goldschlager
•Kahlua
•Coke

THE CONSOLATION HANDY
• Orbitz
• Popov

THE DANCEFLOOR DRY-HUMP
• Red Bull
• Dry Sack Sherry

THE GIN AND TONIC SHOW – with the Coachella Hippos

May 31, 2015 By Eric

THE GIN AND TONIC SHOW
With the Coachella Hippos: Vanessa Bonet and Derek Doublin

Summer is coming, and how better to beat back the heat and the malaria-infected mosquitos than with the classic Gin and Tonic? We dive into the history of the cocktail that kept the British Empire alive and well and pointing guns at East Indians since the 1800s! And we dive into the variants of botanical gin, tonic, and weird vegetation to stick in the glass. We also talk with the creators of the strangest, most talked-about phenomenon at Coachella after Madonna’s bad-touch on Drake: The Hippo Corporate Headquarters. Co-creators Derek Doublin and our own Vanessa “Spork” Bonet take you behind the scenes of the three-story office block populated by out-of-control Hippo businessmen. Also, we play “Hippo or Axl Rose!” Can you guess which one helicopters its feces?

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!

DRINK ALONG AT HOME
The Gin and Tonic

Gin – How much? Less than the tonic. (See below.)
Tonic Water – How much? More than the gin. (See below.)
Ice
Garnish (Lime, Cucumber, Basil leaf, etc.)

We won’t lie. There seems to be no agreement on the exact ration of gin to tonic in a classic gin and tonic cocktail. Some suggest 2 oz. gin to 5 oz. tonic water. Others say 3 oz. gin to 4 oz. tonic water. Some say just start with a highball glass, throw in some ice, pour in as much gin as you can handle, then fill the rest with tonic water and get on with the drinking. MixMa$ter Therm settled on a 2:1 tonic:gin ratio, but in this rare case, his numbers aren’t strictly definitive. We suggest playing around until you find what makes you happy, then enforcing that recipe on your friends. If they don’t like it, they can make their own damn drinks.

However, like any highball cocktail, the directions are simple. Start with the ice, add the booze, pour in the mixer and garnsih with the garnishable. Stir if you feel like doing it right.

GIN AND TONIC VARIANTS!
The biggest determining factor in the flavor of a gin and tonic are the ingredients. Sure, the well gin and hose-delivered tonic water at your local bar is fine during happy hour, but if you want to really get into the drink, you should spend a little more time picking out your liquids. Dry gins vs. botanical gins really affect the flavor, and these days you’re not stuck with just your cruddy supermarket tonic water.

You also don’t need to stick to the traditional lime garnish. “Gin and Tonic” bars are popular in Europe, and they like to mix things up with cucumbers, mint leaves, even grapes. (Why grapes? We don’t know. Maybe Europe knows something we don’t.)

Regardless, here are some variants we tried on the show:

Bombay Dry gin (a dry gin, obviously), Fever Tree tonic water (a more flavorful tonic), lime wedge.
Hendricks gin (a botanical gin), Q tonic water (a dry tonic water), cucumber spear.
Junipero gin (a botanical gin), Fever Tree bitter lemon, basil leaf. (Really.)

By the way, here’s a Gin and Tonic list from a bar in Iceland.

And amazon has this pretty nice Fever Tree sampler set if you’re interested in sticking your face in what Fever Tree has to offer.

HIPPO CORPORATE HEADQUARTERS

If you missed Hippo Corporate HQ out at Coachella, here’s a whole pile of press!

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/lists/coachella-2015-best-things-we-saw-20150413/best-art-installation-corporate-headquarters-20150413

http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/music/la-et-ms-coachella-hippos-20150417-story.html#page=1

http://www.laweekly.com/music/whats-it-like-to-be-a-hippo-inside-corporate-headquarters-at-coachella-5504900

http://www.desertsun.com/story/life/entertainment/music/coachella/2015/04/12/coachella-hippo-art-installation-art/25696007/

And a few disturbing photos:

OH, AND HERE’S THE CURSED HOTEL CECIL
https://roadtrippers.com/stories/the-history-of-the-cecil-hotel-is-so-dark-and-gory-that-some-say-all-600-rooms-are-cursed?lat=40.83044&lng=-96.70166&z=5

Short: 1970s – THE HARVEY WALLBANGER

May 22, 2015 By Eric

Short: 1970s – The Harvey Wallbanger
with the full Army of Drunks

Return with us to the 1970s — an era of bell-bottoms, key parties, and generally terribly cocktails — to discover the Harvey Wallbanger, the most refreshing summer drink with the most fictionalized history in all of bartending. The Army of Drunks asks the burning question: How can a cocktail made of so many lies take so damn delicious?

We also delve into the cocktail’s inherent dichotomy: Is Wallbanger is a girlie drink or a manly drink? And play along at home as Eric challenges everyone to “Real Cocktail or Real Canadian?” (Note: We clearly lost track of the score. Sorry about that. We were drunk.)

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_1970s_Harvey_Wallbanger_Show_1-2.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Harvey Wallbanger

1 1/2 oz. (3 parts) vodka
3 oz (6 parts) orange juice
1/2 oz (1 part) Galliano (a.k.a. Liquore Galliano L’Autentico, if you want to be that way.)

Stir the vodka, orange juice and ice in a highball glass. Float the Galliano on the top. Garnish with an orange slice and serve outside on the lawn.

(Optional: Place all car keys in a bowl. Blindly draw a set of keys from said bowl. Match the keys with the car-owner. Have awkward “swinging” sex with that person.)

FOR HISTORICAL REFERENCE: AN ORIGINAL “HARVEY WALLBANGER” SALES POSTER
(See what me mean about “Meth-Head Ziggy?”)

AND GRAB YOUR STRANGELY-UNRELATED WALLBANGER MERCH NOW!

Short: 1920s – THE BEE’S KNEES

March 14, 2015 By Eric

Short: 1920s – The Bee’s Knees
with Katie Massa and Jason Berlin

It’s “Drink-a-Decade,” which is as catchy as we can pull off when we’ve had a few. The Army of Drunks is profiling one cocktail to represent the spirit of each decade, and we’re starting with Prohibition. Enjoy the 1920’s-era Bee’s Knees, the cocktail so delightfully sweet it can mask even the most formaldehyde-laden bathtub gin. (But we suggest something botanical.) Buck and Vanessa are on break, so welcome Katie Massa and Jason Berlin, who can tell you all about evil grandmas and getting arrested while wearing Daisy Dukes. (NSFW as always.)

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_1920s_Bees_Knees_Show_1-2.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME
The Bee’s Knees Cocktail

2 oz Gin (Dry gin is more historically accurate, but botanical gin works like magic.)
3/4 oz fresh lemon juice
3/4 oz honey simple syrup (one part honey, one part water)
Lemon twist to garnish

First, choose your gin. Yes, a dry gin is more historically accurate, but a more modern botanical gin mixes really well with the honey. (And face it, if you really wanted to be historically accurate you’d use bathtub gin mixed with formaldehyde.) Then make some honey simple syrup the same way you make regular simple syrup, but with honey. (We know that’s complicated, but breathe through it.) Then squeeze a lemon, because anyone using store-bought lemon juice is a bounder and a cad. Mix all the liquid ingredients in a shaker. Shake like the cops are busting down the door. Pour into your glass of choice (a martini glass works nicely), add the lemon twist and enjoy.

MixMa$ter Therm dresses for the decade.

And Buy Your Katie-Approved Daisy Dukes here!

Along with other fine products at our Drunkstore!

THE BLUE HAWAII(an) SHOW – with the Army of Drunks

February 28, 2015 By Eric

THE BLUE HAWAII(an) SHOW
With the Army of Drunks

What’s the difference between a Blue Hawaii and a Blue Hawaiian? Not much! But the difference could save your life!!* Listen as the Army dives face-first into the drink that arguably started Tiki culture in America. Also, we once again thank the good people of Florida for Booze News! No guest in this archive show, just the Army of Drunks getting loaded for the good of our country.

*This difference will probably not save your life.

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_Blue_Hawaii_Show_1-2.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME
The Blue Hawaii Cocktail

3/4 oz. Light Rum
3/4 oz. Vodka
1/2 oz. Blue Curacao
3 oz. Pineapple Juice
1 oz. Sweet & Sour Mix (Making your own is better, and not that hard.)
A cherry, a wedge of pineapple, and one of those tiny umbrellas. (If you want to do it right.)

Combine all the liquid ingredients (not the fruit and the umbrella, asshat) in a cocktail shaker, or blend in a blender (or anything else that blends) with ice. Serve in an appropriately Tiki-like glass. Stab the fruit with the umbrella and garnish. Drink. Think of simpler times.

And the Blue Hawaiian Cocktail

3/4 oz. Light Rum
3/4 oz. Vodka
1/2 oz. Blue Curacao
3 oz. Pineapple Juice
1 oz. Cream of Coconut
A cherry, a wedge of pineapple, and one of those tiny umbrellas. (Seriously, do we have to explain this?)

Spend a long time in the grocery store looking for cream of coconut, until you remember it’s not coconut milk. Combine all the liquid ingredients in a cocktail shaker, or blend in a blender with ice. Pour in a Tiki glass. Add the garnish. Remark on how much more dessert-like it is than the other drink.

And the Army of Drunks original Blue Hawaiish™ Cocktail

3/4 oz. Light Rum
3/4 oz. Vodka
1/2 oz. Blue Curacao
3 oz. Pineapple Juice
1/2 oz. Cream of Coconut
1/2 oz. Sweet & Sour Mix
A cherry, a wedge of pineapple, and… blah blah blah…

Combine all the ingredients in a thingie. Pour into mouth-hole. Strum ukulele.

And here’s MixMa$ter Therm in his snazzy tuxedo!

THE OLD FASHIONED SHOW – with Johnny Amerika

January 19, 2015 By Eric

OLD FASHIONED SHOW
With Johnny Amerika

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://armyofdrunks.libsyn.com/the-old-fashioned-show

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Whiskey Old-Fashioned

2 oz. bourbon or rye. (Or a mix. We used three parts bourbon to one part rye.)
1 sugar cube. (Or 1/2 oz simple syrup.)
Angostura bitters
Orange slice and/or peel
One non-marchino cherry (optional)

MixMa$ter Therm gazes with dread upon the seven-week old eggnog.

Here’s Johnny’s trebuchet commercial.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZbG9i1oGPA

And the story of Marvin Heemeyer.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marvin_Heemeyer

SHO(r)T – Bitters no. 1

December 1, 2014 By Eric

THE ARMY OF DRUNKS SHO(r)T – BITTERS (the first)
With Taylor and Jeremy from Bitter Tears.

We’ll be back with a full show next week, but in the mean time learn all about bitters — and bitterness — with Taylor and Jeremy from Bitter Tears as we get drunk on the “Pork and Beans” cocktail, unearth Taylor’s Aunt’s torrid affair with Charles Bukowski, and learn that little ice cubes are for punk-ass chumps. (NSFW, as usual)

Subscribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen on our host site!

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
THE PORK AND BEANS

2 oz Bulleit Bourbon (or any brand you hold regrets over)
3/4 oz Copa de Oro Coffee Liqueur
4 pulls Bitter Tears “Ms. Piggy” Peppercorn Bacon bitters

PREPARATION
Combine bourbon, coffee liqueur and bitters in a mixing glass half filled with ice. Gently stir until chilled and properly diluted, about 20 seconds. Julep train into a chilled coupe or cocktail glass. Drink while thinking of what might have been.

BITTER TEARS can be found at:
http://www.bittertears.la/

And look for their pop-up bar at Bitchcraft Los Angeles.
https://www.facebook.com/events/736282523074071/

SHO(r)T – The Green Hawaii

November 25, 2014 By Eric

THE ARMY OF DRUNKS SHO(r)T – THE GREEN HAWAII

An Army of Drunks Original Cocktail For No Reason

Yes, the Army is releasing a “Short” or “Shot” or whateveryouwannacallit as we get in sync with the holidays. Tonight we try an original cocktail: The Green Hawaii. Why? Because nothing says “aloha” like absinthe! We also take an uncomfortably long time to sign off. Mahalo, mofos!

(NSFW as always.)

Subscribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen on our host site!

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
THE GREEN HAWAII

3/4 oz. Light Rum
3/4 oz. Vodka
1/2 oz. Absinthe
3 oz. Pineapple Juice
1 oz. Sweet & Sour Mix

Glass Type: Cthulhu-themed Tiki Mug or any vessel that’s been cursed by dark forces and chilled for an hour.

PREPARATION
Combine all ingredients in a cocktail shaker or blender. If using cocktail shaker, blend! If using blender, shake! Pour into glass. Garnish with tiny black cocktail umbrella. Enjoy on beach while writing poem about ravens, vampires or death.