THE ARMY OF DRUNKS PODCAST

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THE HOT BUTTERED RUM XMAS SPECIAL – with Rico Gagliano and Andy Hermann

By Eric

HOT BUTTERED RUM CHRISTMAS SPECIAL 2017
with Rico Gagliano of The Dinner Party Download
and Andy Hermann, former music editor of the LA Weekly

“The Worst of 2017!”

Let’s face it, it’s been a shitty year.  Mass shootings.  Government lootings.  Putin still pooting.  Trump still doing crazed lying narcissist things that don’t rhyme with “ooting.”  (Though we maybe could have stretched it to involve “#metoo-ing.”)

And if you live in L.A., you got to suffer sale of our longest-running independent newspaper to a bunch of douchebag lawyers from Orange County who fired the whole staff, then put out ads asking ,”Hey, who wants to work for free?”

What can make these holiday horror cookies go down easier?  HOT BUTTERED RUM, of course!  And we’ll tell you its damn not-that-storied history while we get loaded on it.

We also get the inside story of how the ugliness at the LA Weekly went down direct from Andy Hermann.  Then we talk to former Dinner Party Download host Rico Gagliano about what it’s like to wrap-up a ten-year-old podcast without a single sexual harassment scandal.

Oh, and we all die on the side of a mountain.  TRUE!

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DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
Hot Buttered Rum

Usually we translate MixMa$ter Therm’s Beautiful Mind-style cocktail notes into something we all can understand, but in this case he’s spelled the whole process out for the ape-like laymen we are.  Here are his notes, verbatim.

Hot Buttered Rum:

  • 2 TBSP batter (below)
  • 2 oz dark rum
  • 4 oz boiling water

Put batter in bottom of mug or glass.  Pour in half of the boiling water and stir to incorporate batter.  Add rum and rest of water.

– Alt method – Put water and rum in glass, then top with batter.  (we can try both during the show, if I don’t get to trying them both first and picking a winner)

HBR Batter – Classic:

  • 1 stick (4 oz) butter*, room temperature
  • 8oz brown sugar
  • 1 1/2 TBSP Pumpkin Pie Spice (store-bought, or make your own)

Cream butter and sugar together**.  Add and mix-in spices.  Store in refrigerator.

HBR Batter – Therm special Edition:

As above, plus 1 tsp vanilla extract and 2 TBSP browned butter (cool before adding).

Notes:
*butter – It’s a key ingredient in your drink, and it’s a special occasion; go ahead and splurge on a decent one!
**Creaming butter and sugar – basically, put them in a mixer (butter first, add sugar a bit at a time) until it’s well combined and a bit fluffy.  Look it up on the Internet if you’re unsure.

Have fun with the spices.  This is your opportunity to create your own, signature mix.  (Then sign the pile of loose spicy powder to make sure everyone knows it’s your signature)

Some recipes use spiced rum.  I think this shows a lack of faith in your batter.  If you don’t think the final result is flavorful enough, improve your batter.

Basic spice mix for this amount:

  • 1/4 tsp ground cloves
  • 1/4 tsp fresh-grated nutmeg
  • 1/4 tsp ground allspice
  • 1/4 tsp ground ginger
  • 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon

 

OUR DRUNKEN GUESTS

First of all, if you’re curious about the state of the LA Weekly, read this lovely little article from the Columbia Journalism Review, “Just sell the paper and go home.”

Next, if you want to buy Rico Gagliano’s revolutionary new book BRUNCH IS HELL, do it here and the Army of Drunks will get a tiny, tiny kickback from amazon.  And yes, he makes a compelling argument why this social ritual we call “brunch” really is a howling abomination.

 

Andy Hermann has been busy doing music reporting for NPR.

But he was kind enough to make a BEST ALBUMS OF 2017 list for all his friends.  We’re reprinting it here without his permission.  Because that’s the kind of people we are.

ANDY HERMANN’S TEN BEST ALBUMS OF 2017

 

And no, we will not provide a link to Marshmallo, unless we’re compelled to by his lawyers.  (Listen to the show if you don’t get the reference, okay?)

 

As always, all Army of Drunks shows are copyright ©2017 Army of Drunks.

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SUMMER TIKI SPECIAL 2016

By Eric

SUMMER TIKI SPECIAL 2016
Featuring the Mai Tai and Singapore Sling
With Comedian Katie Massa
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It’s August!  What better time for lounging by the pool and getting drunk as a Hawaiian sunset?  We’ve been away for a while, but before this long hot summer passes into misty memory, the Drunks have brought you an extra special, extra-extended parade of TIKI, damn it!

We plumb the Pacific depths of the only genre of cocktails spawned from a theme restaurant.  Learn how Don the Beachcomber unwittingly founded the Tiki movement in pre-WWII California, and how competitor Trader Vic took it nation-wide from — believe it nor not — Oakland.   Then learn the history of the MAI TAI, the flagship tiki cocktail, and the SINGAPORE SLING, an outside-the-Polynesian-triangle addition to the tiki pantheon.

Matt Shaw also tells us about his distillery tour of Scotland.  Yes, someone let Matt Shaw loose in the land where they make scotch.  Katie Massa tells us how People are Horrible™. Buck expounds on what it means to get “Tiki Drunk.”   We solve the urgent riddle of Zsa Zsa Gabor: alive or dead? And we play “Name That Sex Act: Trump Edition.”  (NSFW as always.)

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BUT FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS!  THIS GODDAMN BOOK!
Before we go too far, this is the flat-out amazing Tiki book we referenced during the show, Smuggler’s Cove by Martin Cate and Rebecca Cate.  It goes deep into the kelp on the true origins of all the Polynesian cocktails you sort-of know and think you probably would love if you could only try one.   It also contains the ORIGINAL MAI TAI recipe we tried.  (We’d post it here, but we don’t want to deny Martin & Rebecca their hard-earned book royalties.)   If you love Tiki as much as you love life itself, or even slightly less, go buy it right now!

And if you need your bad self some good Tiki mugs, we used this plucky little set.

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Mai Tai!

  • 1 oz (2 tablespoons) dark rum
  • 1 oz (2 tablespoons) amber rum
  • 2 tablespoons fresh orange juice
  • 1/2 oz (1 tablespoon) Cointreau (or triple sec or Curaçao)
  • 1 tablespoon fresh lime juice
  • 1 teaspoon orgeat syrup  (or 1 drop pure almond extract)
  • 1 teaspoon superfine granulated sugar
  • Dash of grenadine
  • Garnish: an orange slice, or Lime rind and mint sprig

Shake all of the ingredients with ice, pour into a highball glass with a straw.  Or a tiki glass, or a Tiki mug if you want to go full-Tiki.

Note: Martin Cate suggests you add the juice of half a fresh lime after the pour, to keep it from over-liming the whole drink.  YMMV.  There’s also some debate over the proper garnish.  Apparently the classic Mai Tai uses a mint sprig with the lime rind, while the more modern Tiki-slinger can go with an orange slice, or any of the usual Tiki umbrella/fruit combos.

DRINK MORE AT HOME!
The Singapore Sling!

  • 1 1⁄2 ounces gin
  • 1⁄2 ounce cherry heering
  • 1⁄4 ounce Cointreau liqueur
  • 1⁄4 ounce benedictine
  • 4 ounces pineapple juice
  • 1⁄2 ounce lime juice
  • 1⁄3 ounce grenadine
  • 1 dash bitters

Shake all ingredients in a shaker with shakable ice.  Strain into a highball glass or Tiki mug.  Garnish with whatever festive Tiki regalia you have at your disposal.  (But anything involving pineapple never hurts.)

FINALLY, THE COCONUT!
From the Gentleman Callers of Los Angeles

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THE COBBLER SHOW – with James Slay

By Eric

The Army of Drunks Cobbler ShowTHE COBBLER SHOW
With James Slay
Actual Goddamn Bartender

We should have done this a long time ago. This week the Army of Drunks sits down with an actual goddamn bartender to hear what life is like behind the counter.   Warning: it can suck to be on the other side of you when you’re ordering a drink.

While we hear war stories from behind the bar, we investigate the Cobbler, the first American cocktail to take the world by storm in the 18th century, thanks two the combination of sherry, ice and — believe it or goddamn not — the invention of the straw.  Listen as we get old-tymie loaded on both the original Sherry Cobbler, which liked you’d expect is made with sherry, and the D Cobbler, which upgrades to whiskey and ginger ale.  (NSFW as always.)

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During the show, James educates us on William Schmidt, one of the first cocktail book authors in America.  In fact, here he is!  Look into his steely, whiskey-burned gaze as you think about what booze awaits you.

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William Stinkin’ Schmidt!

 

 

 

Remember, William is an innocent, but his mustache stands in judgement of you and all you’ve done… or failed to do… in this life.

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Narragansett Cobbler

  • Whole Peel of Orange
  • Juice of one Orange
  • One “jigger” whiskey (we used Canadian whiskey)
  • One Bottle of Ginger Ale (though you won’t need the whole thing)
  • Cracked Ice
  • Berries to Garnish this Sucker
  • A Paper Straw (if you’re going to be traditional about it)
If you’re going to be a badass like MixMa$ter Therm, start by taking off the entire peel of one orange in one piece.  Good luck with that.  Put the peel artfully spiraled in a collins glass.  Add the juice of the orange, a jigger of whiskey, fill the rest with ice, and top off with ginger ale.  Then garnish it with berries, because it makes you look all-Martha-Stewart ‘n’ shit.  (And really, it makes the drink look gorgeous.) Drink through a straw, a paper one if you’re going to be historically accurate.
AND AS LONG AS YOU’RE SIPPING HISTORY, ALSO TRY…
The Sherry Cobbler
  • 4 oz. Dry Sherry (everyone says go for amantillado)
  • 1/2 tsp simple syrup or 1 tbs sugar
  • 2 or 3 Orange Slices
  • Cracked Ice
  • Berries and/or Mint to Garnish it to Glory
  • A Goddamn Paper Straw
Muddle the orange slices and the sugar/syrup in a mixing glass.  Add the sherry and ice, then shake like a bucking mule.  Strain into a collins glass over more cracked ice.  Garnish that sucker with berries and a paper straw.  Pretend you’re in The Music Man.

BUY WILLIAM SCHMIDT’S BOOK!

AND CHECK OUT THE CAPGUN HOLDUPS!

SOME GODDAMN PHOTOS FROM THE RECORDING SESSION – ORANGE SLAUGHTER & SUPER MARIO!

Therm and the Mobius Peel.

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Special Guest Super Mario!

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THE VESPER MARTINI SHOW – with Cece Pleasants

By Eric

AOD vesper text slug_smallVESPER MARTINI SHOW
with Cece Pleasants

Screw that fragile mama’s-boy Daniel Craig!*  The drunks get loaded the original James Bond martini — the Vesper — made up by novelist Ian Fleming himself, and promise not to make a single lame-ass “shaken” or “stirred” joke.  Then we talk with late-night comedy writer and comedienne Cece Pleasants about what it’s like to get cancelled, why some female comics turn gay, and the power of Arsenio’s finger.  (NSFW, as always.)

*Daniel Craig could easily kick our collective ass, and we have nothing but respect for him and his body of work.  He is also a great James Bond.

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https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

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http://armyofdrunks.libsyn.com/the-vesper-martini-show

DRINK ALONG AT HOME
The Vesper Martini

  • 3 measures of gin (Fleming specified Gordon’s)
  • 1 measure of vodka
  • 1/2 measure Lillet
  • Lemon peel for garnish

Measure all of the ingredients into a cocktail shaker with some ice and shake.   Do not stir.  (Anyone who insists that the only way to properly make a martini is by stirring it is an asshole and should be ignored.)  Rinse a martini glass — or champagne goblet, as the novel specifies — with Lillet before pouring the drink and garnishing with lemon peel.  Then imbibe, shoot nefarious henchman, dispense obvious witticism, bed impossible female.

IAN FLEMING’S EXACT DESCRIPTION
(from the novel Casino Royale)

“A dry martini,” [Bond] said. “One. In a deep champagne goblet.”

“Oui, monsieur.”

“Just a moment. Three measures of Gordon’s, one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it very well until it’s ice-cold, then add a large thin slice of lemon peel. Got it?”

“Certainly, monsieur.” The barman seemed pleased with the idea.

“Gosh, that’s certainly a drink,” said Leiter.

Bond laughed. “When I’m…er…concentrating,” he explained, “I never have more than one drink before dinner. But I do like that one to be large and very strong and very cold and very well-made. I hate small portions of anything, particularly when they taste bad. This drink’s my own invention. I’m going to patent it when I can think of a good name.”

—Ian Fleming, Casino Royale, Chapter 7, “Rouge et Noir’

 

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