Podcast

FATHER’S DAY SPECIAL

AOD_Fathers_Day_Show_Slug_IMG_2038

FATHER’S DAY SPECIAL
The Whisky and Pancakes Challenge
with Rev. Roemer and Mike & Kevin from Topline Wine

This one’s unusual.  In honor of Father’s Day, we magically weave together two remote segments.  In one, we offer up a buyer’s guide for the children of booze-loving fathers courtesy of the good folks at Topline Win in Glendale, CA.  In the other, we lock ourselves in DuPar’s bar and pancake house and see which gets to us first: the booze or the tall stack.  Don’t ask why.

Either way, it’s a magical journey I’m sure you and your father will enjoy, though probably not together, because that would be too much to ask.  (NSFW as always.)

Subscribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!

If you live in Los Angeles, check out TOPLINE WINE!
http://www.toplinewine.com/
http://www.yelp.com/biz/topline-wine-and-spirit-co-glendale-2

And be sure to get loaded at DuPar’s!
http://www.yelp.com/biz/du-pars-restaurant-and-bakery-pasadena

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Short: 1980s – THE SEX ON THE BEACH

AOD_Sex on the Beach_show_slug_small_IMG_1618Short: 1980s – The Sex on the Beach
with the Army of Drunks

Why are we doing this?  Really, why are we doing this?  The 80s.  Was it the beginning of institutionalized Spring Break drinking, or did it just seem that way because everyone was young and drunk?   We take no steps toward finding out, but we do drive head-first into the Sex on the Beach cocktail.  And if it makes you feel any better, we don’t enjoy it.

And if you can create one cocktail after an embarrassing Spring Break indiscretion, can you create more?  Find out as we reverse-engineer awkward sex acts into cocktail recipes.  And remember, Alcohol Jesus is watching over us all.

Subscribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Sex on the Beach

Pour everthing in a big glass with ice.  Stir.  Drink.  Throw dignity down toilet.  Repeat.

OPTIONAL MIXMA$TER THERM VARIATIONS
MixMa$ter Therm came up with a couple of variants to make to make the drink a little more palatable.

  • Variant One: Replace the Peach schnapps with Cointreau.
  • Variant Two: Replace the Peach schnapps with a float of Galliano.

OTHER SPRING BREAK SEX-ACT COCKTAILS!

THE SEX IN A MOTEL6
• Jaegermeister
• Plastic-lined glass
• Small bar of soap

THE BLOWJOB IN A PARKING LOT
• Midori
• Cream.

THE UNCOMFORTABLE THREEWAY
•Goldschlager
•Kahlua
•Coke

THE CONSOLATION HANDY
• Orbitz
• Popov

THE DANCEFLOOR DRY-HUMP
• Red Bull
• Dry Sack Sherry

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THE GIN AND TONIC SHOW – with the Coachella Hippos

AOD Gin and Tonic Show Slug_small_ IMG_1812THE GIN AND TONIC SHOW
With the Coachella Hippos: Vanessa Bonet and Derek Doublin

Summer is coming, and how better to beat back the heat and the malaria-infected mosquitos than with the classic Gin and Tonic?  We dive into the history of the cocktail that kept the British Empire alive and well and pointing guns at East Indians since the 1800s!   And we dive into the variants of botanical gin, tonic, and weird vegetation to stick in the glass.  We also talk with the creators of the strangest, most talked-about phenomenon at Coachella after Madonna’s bad-touch on Drake: The Hippo Corporate Headquarters.  Co-creators Derek Doublin and our own Vanessa “Spork” Bonet take you behind the scenes of the three-story office block populated by out-of-control Hippo businessmen.  Also, we play “Hippo or Axl Rose!”  Can you guess which one helicopters its feces?

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!

DRINK ALONG AT HOME
The Gin and Tonic

  • Gin – How much?  Less than the tonic.  (See below.)
  • Tonic Water – How much?  More than the gin.  (See below.)
  • Ice
  • Garnish (Lime, Cucumber, Basil leaf, etc.)

We won’t lie.  There seems to be no agreement on the exact ration of gin to tonic in a classic gin and tonic cocktail.  Some suggest 2 oz. gin to 5 oz. tonic water.  Others say 3 oz. gin to 4 oz. tonic water.  Some say just start with a highball glass, throw in some ice, pour in as much gin as you can handle, then fill the rest with tonic water and get on with the drinking.  MixMa$ter Therm settled on a 2:1 tonic:gin ratio, but in this rare case, his numbers aren’t strictly definitive.  We suggest playing around until you find what makes you happy, then enforcing that recipe on your friends.  If they don’t like it, they can make their own damn drinks.

However, like any highball cocktail, the directions are simple.  Start with the ice, add the booze, pour in the mixer and garnsih with the garnishable.  Stir if you feel like doing it right.

GIN AND TONIC VARIANTS!
The biggest determining factor in the flavor of a gin and tonic are the ingredients.  Sure, the well gin and hose-delivered tonic water at your local bar is fine during happy hour, but if you want to really get into the drink, you should spend a little more time picking out your liquids.  Dry gins vs. botanical gins really affect the flavor, and these days you’re not stuck with just your cruddy supermarket tonic water.

You also don’t need to stick to the traditional lime garnish.  “Gin and Tonic” bars are popular in Europe, and they like to mix things up with cucumbers, mint leaves, even grapes.  (Why grapes?  We don’t know.  Maybe Europe knows something we don’t.)

Regardless, here are some variants we tried on the show:

  • Bombay Dry gin (a dry gin, obviously), Fever Tree tonic water (a more flavorful tonic), lime wedge.
  • Hendricks gin (a botanical gin), Q tonic water (a dry tonic water), cucumber spear.
  • Junipero gin (a botanical gin), Fever Tree bitter lemon, basil leaf.  (Really.)

By the way, here’s a Gin and Tonic list from a bar in Iceland.
Icelandic Gin and Tonic List
And amazon has this pretty nice Fever Tree sampler set if you’re interested in sticking your face in what Fever Tree has to offer.

HIPPO CORPORATE HEADQUARTERS

If you missed Hippo Corporate HQ out at Coachella, here’s a whole pile of press!

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/lists/coachella-2015-best-things-we-saw-20150413/best-art-installation-corporate-headquarters-20150413

http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/music/la-et-ms-coachella-hippos-20150417-story.html#page=1

http://www.laweekly.com/music/whats-it-like-to-be-a-hippo-inside-corporate-headquarters-at-coachella-5504900

http://www.desertsun.com/story/life/entertainment/music/coachella/2015/04/12/coachella-hippo-art-installation-art/25696007/

And a few disturbing photos:
PHOTO: Timothy Norris, LA WeeklyPhoto: Jon AllowayHippo Party photo by Eric TrueheartHippo Gone WildDerek and Vanessa

OH, AND HERE’S THE CURSED HOTEL CECIL
https://roadtrippers.com/stories/the-history-of-the-cecil-hotel-is-so-dark-and-gory-that-some-say-all-600-rooms-are-cursed?lat=40.83044&lng=-96.70166&z=5 

hotel cecil for shirt article-2281485-182655DB000005DC-70_634x424

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Short: 1970s – THE HARVEY WALLBANGER

AOD_Wallbanger_show_slug_small_IMG_1614Short: 1970s – The Harvey Wallbanger
with the full Army of Drunks

Return with us to the 1970s —  an era of bell-bottoms, key parties, and generally terribly cocktails — to discover the Harvey Wallbanger, the most refreshing summer drink with the most fictionalized history in all of bartending.  The Army of Drunks asks the burning question: How can a cocktail made of so many lies take so damn delicious?

We also delve into the cocktail’s inherent dichotomy:  Is Wallbanger is a girlie drink or a manly drink?  And play along at home as Eric challenges everyone to “Real Cocktail or Real Canadian?”  (Note: We clearly lost track of the score.  Sorry about that.  We were drunk.)

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_1970s_Harvey_Wallbanger_Show_1-2.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Harvey Wallbanger

  • 1 1/2 oz. (3 parts) vodka
  • 3 oz (6 parts) orange juice
  • 1/2 oz (1 part) Galliano (a.k.a. Liquore Galliano L’Autentico, if you want to be that way.)

Stir the vodka, orange juice and ice in a highball glass.  Float the Galliano on the top.  Garnish with an orange slice and serve outside on the lawn.

(Optional: Place all car keys in a bowl.  Blindly draw a set of keys from said bowl.  Match the keys with the car-owner.  Have awkward “swinging” sex with that person.)

FOR HISTORICAL REFERENCE: AN ORIGINAL “HARVEY WALLBANGER” SALES POSTER
(See what me mean about “Meth-Head Ziggy?”)
Harvey Wallbanger Poster

AND GRAB YOUR STRANGELY-UNRELATED WALLBANGER MERCH NOW!

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Short: 1960s – THE RUSTY NAIL

AOD_1960s_Rusty_Nail_slug_SMALL_IMG_1282Short: 1960s – The Rusty Nail
with Katie Massa and Björk*

*The Icelandic bark liqueur Björk, not the Icelandic elfin singer Björk.

“Drink-a-Decade” enters the 60s with the Rusty Nail, a drink popularized by the Rat Pack and the best use of Drambuie since getting your grandmother to pass out at Christmas.  We explore the history of a cocktail with its roots in British Industry, but which never caught on until — surprise, surprise — a big-time liquor company got behind it.

Is it too sweet or just sweet enough?  Fortunately MixMa$ter Therm ran extensive experiments to find the optimal Rusty Nail scotch-to-Drambuie ratio, and we pass that hard-won information on to you.

We also sample Björk, the Icelandic bark-based liqueur that has nothing to do with the singer, honestly, but comes with a stick in every bottle, and play “Name That Sex Act” with Rusty Nails.  (NSFW as always.)

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_1950s_Black_Russian_Show.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Rusty Nail – MixMa$ter Therm Ratio

  • 5 parts scotch
  • 2 parts Drambuie liqueur

There seems to be no clear consensus on the ratio of scotch to Drambuie in a Rusty Nail, with some recipes calling for as high as 1-to-1.  (And damn, is that disgustingly sweet.)  Our experience is that 5 parts scotch to 2 parts Drambuie yields a cocktail that’s got enough of the sweet “delicious” factor without going too far over the line.  However, if that’s still too sweet for you, a 4-to-1 mix might suit you better.

And as will all cocktails of the period, just mix everything in a glass with ice.  It’s not that complicated.

THE RUSTY RATIOS ALL LAID OUT
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AND A BOTTLE OF BJÖRK!
bjork 10605993_10153274273096177_3933967917870346137_n

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Short: 1950s – THE BLACK RUSSIAN

AOD_Black Russian_slug_small_IMG_1288Short: 1950s – The Black Russian
with Katie Massa and The Municipal Bloodbank Players*

“Drink-a-Decade” enters the cold war with a cocktail created for the amabssador of Luxembourg.  (Seriously.)

It’s the Black Russian, a drink so sweet and delicious you’ll forget it was born under the shadow of two great super-powers who hoped to destroy each other.  Learn about the White Russian and other far-less-drinkable variations that you really don’t want to try.  We also delve into the burning question of “Salve or ointment?” and also reveal where the hell Spork has been hiding all this time.  (Spoiler: It’s all about the Coachella Hippos.)  And we play “Black Russian, Bond Villain or Porn Star!”

*The Municipal Bloodbank Players do not actually appear in this show.

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_1950s_Black_Russian_Show.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Black Russian Cocktail

  • 5 parts vodka
  • 2 parts Kahlua or other coffee liqueur

Mix everything in a glass with ice and stir gently.  Really, it’s that simple.  And to make a White Russian, just add 3 parts half-and-half.  (Or commercial “Mocha Mix” if you want to go the full Lebowski.)

AND HERE’S THE WIKIPEDIA ENTRY ON THE WOMAN WHO INSPIRED THE COCKTAIL ITSELF
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perle_Mesta

Ain’t history grand?

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Short: 1940s – THE HURRICANE


AoD_1940s_Hurricane_slug_smal_IMG_1270Short: 1940s – The Hurricane
with Katie Massa and Jason Berlin

“Drink-a-Decade” pulls into your harbor with the cocktail that was given away free to sailors!

It’s the Hurricane!  Drink yourself back to WWII-era New Orleans, when scotch was rare, and rum was flowing like seamen on shore-leave.  Discover the fruity-as-fuck concoction that made drinking in the streets famous.  We also discuss the New Jersey marschino cherrijuana bust.  And Katie Massa vomits into Jason Berlin’s mouth like a momma bird*  (NSFW as always.)

*Katie Massa does not vomit into anyone’s mouth.

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_1940s_Hurricane_Show.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Hurricane Cocktail – The Army of Drunks version

Let’s start by saying there doesn’t seem to be any agreement on how this cocktail is made. Some recipes use passion fruit juice, others insist on passion fruit syrup (good luck finding that at your local Walmart).  We started with the following recipe, but found that it was too damn sweet.  MixMa$ter Therm modified it to exclude the simple syrup, and that’s what we settled on before we passed out.  It’s a good-enough system for determining success.

  • 2oz light rum
  • 2oz dark tum
  • 2oz passion fruit juice
  • 1 oz orange juice
  • Juice of half a lime
  • 1 tsp simple syrup (though we like it better without it.)
  • 1 tsp grenadine
  • Orange slice and cherry for garnish
  • Ice

As usual, pour every last liquid thing in a cocktail shaker with ice and shake it like you mean it.  Pour into a hurricane glass over ice.  You do have a hurricane glass, don’t you?

NEED A HURRICANE GLASS?

MIXMA$TER THERM DRESSES FOR AUDIO!
 IMG_0370_copy
Semi-authentic 40’s garb!

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Short: 1930s – THE BROWN DERBY

AoD_1930s_Brown_Derby_Slug_small_IMG_0408Short: 1930s – The Brown Derby
with Katie Massa and Jason Berlin

“Drink-a-Decade” rolls on like a runaway freight train that only smashes a stalled-out schoolbus once every two weeks!

Drink your way back to the Golden Age of Hollywood with the Brown Derby, a delightful blend of whiskey, grapefruit and honey that was possibly invented by Douglas Fairbanks, but definitely made famous in a giant hat.  Also, Jason Berlin spills the beans on his Evil Grandma Betty, and Katie Massa punches-out a raccoon!* (NSFW as always.)

*Katie Massa does not punch-out a raccoon.

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_1930s_Brown_Derby_Show_1-2.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Brown Derby Cocktail

  • 1.5 oz Bourbon
  • 1 oz Fresh grapefruit juice (or from a jar, if you must, but don’t used that sweetened stuff)
  • 1/2 oz Honey syrup (like simple syrup, but with honey.  1 part honey, 1 part water, and hey, you can even make it on the fly if you’re that kind of lazy*)

Put all ingredients in a cocktail shaker.  Shake.  Pour into glass, martini-shaped or otherwise.  Garnish with citrus peel of choice (except lime).  Drink.  Pretend you’re Douglas Fairbanks or Carole Lombard.  Drink more.  Become convinced you’re Douglas Fairbanks or Carole Lombard.

*But don’t be that kind of lazy.  It’s embarrassing.

DRUNK BOOK ALERT!
Once again, we referenced the Savoy Cocktail book in our show.  If you don’t own it, you should buy it now.  That’s an order.

 

And MixMa$ter Therm Goes All-30’s and Gets Dressed-Up for Radio!
Which is more dedication than you ever showed.
IMG_0367

Finally, a Depressing Photo of Brown Derby Plaza
And a link to the Yelp review of their apparently-shitty valet parking.
derby_plaza2007

http://www.yelp.com/biz/brown-derby-plaza-valet-los-angeles

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Short: 1920s – THE BEE’S KNEES

AOD_Bees_Knees_Slug_small_IMG_0398Short: 1920s – The Bee’s Knees
with Katie Massa and Jason Berlin

It’s “Drink-a-Decade,” which is as catchy as we can pull off when we’ve had a few.  The Army of Drunks is profiling one cocktail to represent the spirit of each decade, and we’re starting with Prohibition.  Enjoy the 1920’s-era Bee’s Knees, the cocktail so delightfully sweet it can mask even the most formaldehyde-laden bathtub gin.  (But we suggest something botanical.)  Buck and Vanessa are on break, so welcome Katie Massa and Jason Berlin, who can tell you all about evil grandmas and getting arrested while wearing Daisy Dukes.  (NSFW as always.)

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_1920s_Bees_Knees_Show_1-2.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME
The Bee’s Knees Cocktail

  • 2 oz  Gin (Dry gin is more historically accurate, but botanical gin works like magic.)
  • 3/4 oz fresh lemon juice
  • 3/4 oz honey simple syrup (one part honey, one part water)
  • Lemon twist to garnish

First, choose your gin.  Yes, a dry gin is more historically accurate, but a more modern botanical gin mixes really well with the honey.  (And face it, if you really wanted to be historically accurate you’d use bathtub gin mixed with formaldehyde.)  Then make some honey simple syrup the same way you make regular simple syrup, but with honey.  (We know that’s complicated, but breathe through it.)  Then squeeze a lemon, because anyone using store-bought lemon juice is a bounder and a cad.  Mix all the liquid ingredients in a shaker.  Shake like the cops are busting down the door.  Pour into your glass of choice (a martini glass works nicely), add the lemon twist and enjoy.

MixMa$ter Therm dresses for the decade.
therm bees knees 1920s small IMG_0362

And Buy Your Katie-Approved Daisy Dukes here!

Along with other fine products at our Drunkstore!

 

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THE BLUE HAWAII(an) SHOW – with the Army of Drunks

AOD blue hawaiian show slug_small IMG_2668THE BLUE HAWAII(an) SHOW
With the Army of Drunks

What’s the difference between a Blue Hawaii and a Blue Hawaiian?  Not much!  But the difference could save your life!!*  Listen as the Army dives face-first into the drink that arguably started Tiki culture in America.  Also, we once again thank the good people of Florida for Booze News!  No guest in this archive show, just the Army of Drunks getting loaded for the good of our country.

*This difference will probably not save your life.

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_Blue_Hawaii_Show_1-2.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME
The Blue Hawaii Cocktail

  • 3/4 oz. Light Rum
  • 3/4 oz. Vodka
  • 1/2 oz. Blue Curacao
  • 3 oz. Pineapple Juice
  • 1 oz. Sweet & Sour Mix (Making your own is better, and not that hard.)
  • A cherry, a wedge of pineapple, and one of those tiny umbrellas. (If you want to do it right.)

Combine all the liquid ingredients (not the fruit and the umbrella, asshat) in a cocktail shaker, or blend in a blender (or anything else that blends) with ice.  Serve in an appropriately Tiki-like glass.  Stab the fruit with the umbrella and garnish.  Drink.  Think of simpler times.

And the Blue Hawaiian Cocktail

  • 3/4 oz. Light Rum
  • 3/4 oz. Vodka
  • 1/2 oz. Blue Curacao
  • 3 oz. Pineapple Juice
  • 1 oz. Cream of Coconut
  • A cherry, a wedge of pineapple, and one of those tiny umbrellas. (Seriously, do we have to explain this?)

Spend a long time in the grocery store looking for cream of coconut, until you remember it’s not coconut milk.  Combine all the liquid ingredients in a cocktail shaker, or blend in a blender with ice.  Pour in a Tiki glass.  Add the garnish.  Remark on how much more dessert-like it is than the other drink.

And the Army of Drunks original Blue Hawaiish™ Cocktail

  • 3/4 oz. Light Rum
  • 3/4 oz. Vodka
  • 1/2 oz. Blue Curacao
  • 3 oz. Pineapple Juice
  • 1/2 oz. Cream of Coconut
  • 1/2 oz. Sweet & Sour Mix
  • A cherry, a wedge of pineapple, and… blah blah blah…

Combine all the ingredients in a thingie.  Pour into mouth-hole.  Strum ukulele.

And here’s MixMa$ter Therm in his snazzy tuxedo!

IMG_2664

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THE COSMOPOLITAN SHOW – with Jackie Monahan

AOD_Cosmo_show_IMG_0236_smallTHE COSMOPOLITAN SHOW
With Jackie Monahan
and Special Guest-Spork Katie Massa

In honor of both Valentine’s Day and Lincoln’s Birthday, we investigate the Cosmopolitan cocktail, the drink made famous as the biggest “girlie” drink of the last decade.  But is it more “gay” than “girlie?”  And does that even matter to an evolved drunk such as yourself?   We also sit down with comedienne Jackie Monahan, who tells us what it’s like to be a “lesbian comedian” who starts dating a guy.  Plus, guest Spork Katie Massa, pantsless booze news, and Shaw has the conch!*  (Very NSFW, very LGBT-friendly!)

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_Cosmopolitan_Show_1-2.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Cosmopolitan Cocktail

  • 1 1/2  oz vodka (or vodka citron, or your own citrus- infused vodka if you’re MixMa$ter Therm)
  • 1/2 oz Rose’s® lime juice (or fresh-squeezed lime juice if you’re MixMa$ter Therm)
  • 1/2 oz cranberry juice (or unfiltered cranberry juice plus simple syrup if you’re MixMa$ter Therm)
  • 1/2 oz triple sec (or Contreau if you’re MixMa$ter Therm, or you weren’t raised behind a free clinic)

Put all ingredients in a shaker.  Shake like you mean it.  Pour into a martini glass.  Garnish with lemon slice or orange slice.  Pretend “Sex in the City” is still on the air.

CHECK OUT JACKIE’S SITE
http://www.jackiemonahan.com

AND WATCH JACKIE’S MOVIES ON AMAZON VIDEO

AND CHECK OUT KATIE MASSA’S SITE
http://www.katiemassa.com

AND BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU MIGHT NEED IT
http://www.hsfreeclinic.org

*Who got the Lord of the Flies reference?  Anyone?  Your junior high english teacher would be proud.

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THE AVIATION SHOW – with Rico Gagliano

AOD Aviation Slug IMG_0053

THE AVIATION SHOW
With Rico Gagliano

Does gin make a man mean?  Find out as we join public radio host Rico Gagliano of The Dinner Party Download and discover the Aviation Cocktail, a drink so smooth, yet so incendiary.  Also, we discuss the worst interviewee in rock and roll, Spork’s Magic 8-Ball trip, and why cake pops can fuck off.   Also, Eric says some embarrassing things about the Serial podcast.  (Sorry, Sarah Koenig.  Nothing but respect.) (NSFW as always.)

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://armyofdrunks.libsyn.com/the-aviation-show

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Aviation Cocktail

  • 2 oz Gin
  • .5 oz Maraschino liqueur
  • .5 oz Crème de violette or Crème Yvette
  • .5 oz Lemon juice
  • Luxardo Cherry if you have any style at all

Put all the ingredients in a cocktail shaker and shake like you mean it.  Pour into a martini glass and garnish with a Luxardo cherry.  (Points off for using the maraschino.)  Adjust the lemon juice to taste.

Here’s a link to the Dinner Party Download Official Site!
http://www.dinnerpartydownload.org

Also, the old Ministry of Unknown Science comedy pilot!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TatpKziUH2o

Hey!  Get clean with our new sponsor Outlaw Soap!

And Cake Pops can Fuck Off!

Finally, thanks to Evan Dorkin’s “Milk and Cheese” comic for the phrase “Gin makes a man mean.”

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THE OLD FASHIONED SHOW – with Johnny Amerika

AOD_Old Fashioned_Show Slug_small_IMG_3740

 

OLD FASHIONED SHOW
With Johnny Amerika

Meet mad genius Johnny Amerika who builds the sort of machines you only come up with when you’re drunk as the Army of Drunks get ice-balls deep in the (Whisky) Old Fashioned cocktail, a drink older than anyone alive today.  We also hear news from the drunken hamlet of River Falls, learn the story of a real-live Killdozer, and drink seven-week-old eggnog without dying.

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://armyofdrunks.libsyn.com/the-old-fashioned-show

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Whiskey Old-Fashioned

  • 2 oz. bourbon or rye.  (Or a mix.  We used three parts bourbon to one part rye.)
  • 1 sugar cube.  (Or 1/2 oz simple syrup.)
  • Angostura bitters
  • Orange slice and/or peel
  • One non-marchino cherry (optional)

Put a sugar cube in a glass and soak it down with bitters.  (And add a little water if that’s how you roll.)  Muddle it.  Pour in the booze.  Add a slice of orange or orange peel, and a cherry.  DO NOT MUDDLE THE FRUIT, DAMN IT!  Serve like you mean it.

MixMa$ter Therm gazes with dread upon the seven-week old eggnog.
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Here’s Johnny’s  trebuchet commercial.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZbG9i1oGPA

And the story of Marvin Heemeyer.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marvin_Heemeyer

 

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THE VESPER MARTINI SHOW – with Cece Pleasants

AOD vesper text slug_smallVESPER MARTINI SHOW
with Cece Pleasants

Screw that fragile mama’s-boy Daniel Craig!*  The drunks get loaded the original James Bond martini — the Vesper — made up by novelist Ian Fleming himself, and promise not to make a single lame-ass “shaken” or “stirred” joke.  Then we talk with late-night comedy writer and comedienne Cece Pleasants about what it’s like to get cancelled, why some female comics turn gay, and the power of Arsenio’s finger.  (NSFW, as always.)

*Daniel Craig could easily kick our collective ass, and we have nothing but respect for him and his body of work.  He is also a great James Bond.

Subscribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen here!
http://armyofdrunks.libsyn.com/the-vesper-martini-show

DRINK ALONG AT HOME
The Vesper Martini

  • 3 measures of gin (Fleming specified Gordon’s)
  • 1 measure of vodka
  • 1/2 measure Lillet
  • Lemon peel for garnish

Measure all of the ingredients into a cocktail shaker with some ice and shake.   Do not stir.  (Anyone who insists that the only way to properly make a martini is by stirring it is an asshole and should be ignored.)  Rinse a martini glass — or champagne goblet, as the novel specifies — with Lillet before pouring the drink and garnishing with lemon peel.  Then imbibe, shoot nefarious henchman, dispense obvious witticism, bed impossible female.

IAN FLEMING’S EXACT DESCRIPTION
(from the novel Casino Royale)

“A dry martini,” [Bond] said. “One. In a deep champagne goblet.”

“Oui, monsieur.”

“Just a moment. Three measures of Gordon’s, one of vodka, half a measure of Kina Lillet. Shake it very well until it’s ice-cold, then add a large thin slice of lemon peel. Got it?”

“Certainly, monsieur.” The barman seemed pleased with the idea.

“Gosh, that’s certainly a drink,” said Leiter.

Bond laughed. “When I’m…er…concentrating,” he explained, “I never have more than one drink before dinner. But I do like that one to be large and very strong and very cold and very well-made. I hate small portions of anything, particularly when they taste bad. This drink’s my own invention. I’m going to patent it when I can think of a good name.”

—Ian Fleming, Casino Royale, Chapter 7, “Rouge et Noir’

 

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THE HOT TODDY CHRISTMAS EVE SPECIAL – with Everybody Get in Here

Hot Toddy Show slug_small_IMG_3433THE HOT TODDY CHRISTMAS EVE  SPECIAL
with Everybody Get In Here

Don’t spend Christmas Eve drinking sad and alone!  Spend it drinking sad and alone with the Army of Drunks!  Join musical guest improv comedy band Everybody Get In Here as we learn the history of the Hot Toddy, the drink King George the First called “laxative.”  We also learn about Spork’s trip to a Russian Christmas Gun Party, devise cocktails based on 2014’s biggest assholes, and find out what’s in Shaw’s Christmas Craw on our slightly-longer Christmas Eve special.

Subscribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here:

 

EVERYBODY GET IN HERE ON FACEBOOK
https://www.facebook.com/EverybodyGetInHere

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Army of Drunks Hot Toddy

  • 1  1/2 oz  bourbon
  • 1 tablespoon honey
  • lemon
  • 1/4 cup boiling-hot water
  • Cinnamon stick
  • Clove studs

Pour bourbon and honey into a mug.  Slice up lemon, because it’s useless to you whole.  Add a slice of lemon to your water and boil it in whatever way makes you feel safe.  Take another slice and stud it with cloves for no other reason than it looks cool.  Pour boiling water into mug with honey-booze mixture.  Add cinnamon stick and clove-studded lemon slice.  Drink until you feel good about Christmas.

BOOZE NEWS VISUAL
sexcar_450x250

VANESSA’S HANGOVER CURE
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THE EGGNOG SHOW – with Derek Jones

AOD Egg Nog Show Slug_small_IMG_3233

THE ARMY OF DRUNKS
EGGNOG SHOW
with Derek Jones

Learn about the history of Christmas’ biggest egg-and-dairy-based alcoholic tradition, and why some folks like to leave their nog out before they get their nog on.  Comedian Derek Jones tells us about Los Angeles’ biggest Ugly Sweater Party, and how a Moose takes a mistress.  Also, we play “Name That Sex Act” holiday edition, and find out What’s in Shaw’s Craw!

Subscribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen direct here:

 

FOLLOW DEREK JONES ON TWITTER
https://twitter.com/tooderek

DEREK’S UGLY SWEATER PARTY
https://www.facebook.com/EastCoastFamilyChristmas

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
THE ARMY OF DRUNKS EGGNOG TROUGH
(A recipe bastardized from Alton Brown and Martha Stewart.)
NOTE: This recipe can be cut in half, or a third, if you just don’t have enough friends to consume it all, and if you’re a fan of our podcast, you probably don’t.

  • 12 egg yolks
  • 1 cup, plus 3 tablespoons sugar
  • 1 & 1/2 quarts whole milk
  • 3 cups heavy cream
  • 1 tablespoon freshly grated nutmeg
  • 12 egg whites (to save for servin’ time)
  • 1 cup bourbon
  • 1/2 cup dark rum
  • 1/2 cup brandy or congnac

DIRECTIONS
In the bowl of a stand mixer, beat the egg yolks until they lighten in color.  Gradually add the 1/3 cup sugar and continue to beat until it is completely dissolved.  Add the milk, cream, booze and nutmeg and stir to combine.  Then let age for six months if you have time, maybe overnight if you don’t.

When it comes time to serve the glorious nog, place the egg whites in the bowl of a stand mixer and beat to soft peaks.  With the mixer still running gradually add the 1 tablespoon of sugar and beat until stiff peaks form. Whisk the egg whites into the mixture.  Chill and serve.  (Though you should have chilled it *way* before now.  If you aged your eggnog by leaving it by the fireplace, start over.)

IMG_3222
Nuts being megged by MixMa$ter Therm.

GEORGE WASHINGTON’S EGGNOG RECIPE
“One quart cream, one quart milk, one dozen tablespoons sugar, one pint brandy, 1/2 pint rye whiskey, 1/2 pint Jamaica rum, 1/4 pint sherry—mix liquor first, then separate yolks and whites of eggs, add sugar to beaten yolks, mix well. Add milk and cream, slowly beating. Beat whites of eggs until stiff and fold slowly into mixture. Let set in cool place for several days. Taste frequently.”  Historians believe he used a dozen eggs.  Why?  Because freedom.

PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE OF INJURED POLISH SANTA
£££-A-drunk-Santa

OUR SHAMEFUL EGGNOG CONSUMPTION
Before:
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After:
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SHO(r)T – Bitters no. 1

bitters_slug_small_IMG_3246

THE ARMY OF DRUNKS SHO(r)T – BITTERS (the first)
With Taylor and Jeremy from Bitter Tears.

We’ll be back with a full show next week, but in the mean time learn all about bitters — and bitterness — with Taylor and Jeremy from Bitter Tears as we get drunk on the “Pork and Beans” cocktail, unearth Taylor’s Aunt’s torrid affair with Charles Bukowski, and learn that little ice cubes are for punk-ass chumps.  (NSFW, as usual)

Subscribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen on our host site!

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
THE PORK AND BEANS

  • 2 oz Bulleit Bourbon (or any brand you hold regrets over)
  • 3/4 oz Copa de Oro Coffee Liqueur
  • 4 pulls Bitter Tears “Ms. Piggy” Peppercorn Bacon bitters

PREPARATION
Combine bourbon, coffee liqueur and bitters in a mixing glass half filled with ice. Gently stir until chilled and properly diluted, about 20 seconds.  Julep train into a chilled coupe or cocktail glass.  Drink while thinking of what might have been.

BITTER TEARS can be found at:
http://www.bittertears.la/

And look for their pop-up bar at Bitchcraft Los Angeles.
https://www.facebook.com/events/736282523074071/

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SHO(r)T – The Green Hawaii

green_hawaiian_slug_01_smallTHE ARMY OF DRUNKS SHO(r)T – THE GREEN HAWAII

An Army of Drunks Original Cocktail For No Reason

Yes, the Army is releasing a “Short” or “Shot” or whateveryouwannacallit as we get in sync with the holidays.  Tonight we try an original cocktail: The Green Hawaii.  Why?  Because nothing says “aloha” like absinthe!  We also take an uncomfortably long time to sign off.  Mahalo, mofos!

(NSFW as always.)

Subscribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen on our host site!

 

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
THE GREEN HAWAII

  • 3/4 oz. Light Rum
  • 3/4 oz. Vodka
  • 1/2 oz. Absinthe
  • 3 oz. Pineapple Juice
  • 1 oz. Sweet & Sour Mix

Glass Type: Cthulhu-themed Tiki Mug or any vessel that’s been cursed by dark forces and chilled for an hour.

PREPARATION
Combine all ingredients in a cocktail shaker or blender.  If using cocktail shaker, blend!  If using blender, shake!  Pour into glass.  Garnish with tiny black cocktail umbrella.  Enjoy on beach while writing poem about ravens, vampires or death.

 

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THE MOSCOW MULE SHOW – with Rikki Simons and Richard Horvitz

AOD Moscow Mule Image text
THE ARMY OF DRUNKS

MOSCOW MULE SHOW
With guests character actors Richard  Horvitz and Rikki Simons.

Dismember your childhoold as cartoon voice actors Richard Horvitz and Rikki Simons — from Nickeldoeon’s “Invader ZIM” — get loaded on the Moscow Mule.  Learn the history of a cocktail created in secret by a beverage cabal.  Hear True Tales of Convention Horror.  Then play “Name that Sex Act” with TV’s GIR!  (NSFW, obviously.)

Subscribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen here!

 

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
THE MOSCOW MULE

  • 1/2 ounce lime juice
  • 2 ounces vodka
  • 4 to 6 ounces ginger beer (not ginger ale, you child.)
  • Ice (obviously)

Glass Type:  Copper mug, if you’re that kind of completist.  Collins glass, otherwise.

PREPARATION
Squeeze lime juice into a copper mug* and toss in the spent lime if you’re feeling badass.  Add ice cubes, then vodka and fill the remainder with ginger beer.  Stir with an appropriate object and serve with an icy stare.

* If you don’t have a genuine copper Moscow Mule mug, just throw a few pennies into a regular glass** for “that ol’ copper tongue.”

** This is a terrible idea, and we don’t recommend you do it, ever.   But hey, drop us an e-mail if you do.

OUR VALUED GUESTS:
http://www.rikkisimons.com/
http://www.richardhorvitz.com/

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THE LONG ISLAND ICED TEA SHOW – with Moshe Kasher and Mike O’Connell

Ladies and gentlemen, our first episode is now officially launched!

Long Island Iced Tea Show

 

THE ARMY OF DRUNKS
Long Island Iced Tea Show
with guests Mike O’Connell and Moshe Kasher

Join the Army of Drunks as we get into the history of the most shamefully boozy cocktails of either the 1970’s or the Prohibition era, depending on who you believe. Guest comedians Mike O’Connell and Moshe Kasher discuss the art of stand-up comedy, and play “Drunk Comic vs. Sober Comic.”

Click on the player below!
(That hopefully loads right, or we’re gonna kill Libsyn.)

 

Or subscribe via this feed here!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Your privacy will be respected.  You will receive no unwanted e-mails.  Your nude photos will not be leaked.

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!

THE LONG ISLAND ICED TEA
1.5 cl Tequila
1.5 cl Vodka
1.5 cl White rum
1.5 cl Triple sec
1.5 cl Gin
2.5 cl Lemon juice
3.0 cl Gomme Syrup
1 dash of Cola

PREPARATION
Add all ingredients into highball glass filled with ice. Stir gently. Garnish with lemon spiral. Serve with straw.  Consume with shame.

Pick up Moshe Kasher’s Book and Mike O’Connell’s albums on Amazon:

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