THE SUFFERING BASTARD SHOW – with The Performer Known as T.J.

THE SUFFERING BASTARD SHOW
with The Performer Known as T.J.
Former D!sney Costumed Character

“Who’s easier to kick in the nuts: Tigger or Captain Hook?”

Ever go to a big-time theme park and wonder just who the poor suffering bastard is inside the Tigger costume?  Well, now you can find out!

Meet T.J., a man who spent years as a character performer at D!sney World, and doesn’t mind talking about it.  (But we’re worried the Mouse might come after us, so we’re spelling it “D!sney,” just to fool the Googlers.  That Mouse plays hardball, man.)

Meanwhile, we get drunk on the Suffering Bastard cocktail, the hangover cure made so famous during WWII, that General Rommel himself wanted to invade Cairo to get one. *

*This is only sort-of true.

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DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Suffering Bastard

• 1 oz Gin
• 1 oz Bourbon (or Brandy, depending on how old-school you’re feeling)
• 1 tsp Fresh Lime Juice (or sweetened, depending on how sweet you’re feeling)
• 2 dashes Angostura Bitters
• Ginger Ale (or ginger beer, depending on how ginger you’re feeling)
• Mint Leaves to garnish (or a cherry, or a lemon slice, depending on how garnished you’re feeling)

Combine the booze, the lime juice and the bitters in a cocktail shaker, and shake well with ice.  (Hey, put the ice in first, that’s how they usually do it.)   Strain into an ice-fulled highball or collins glass, and then top it off with ginger ale.  Mint leaves are the traditional garnish, but we like a cherry for the more tropical feel.  Look, garnish is a personal thing, like hats.

Bastard-creator Joe Scialom also went on to create two more drinks, the Dying Bastard and the Dead Bastard.  Each just contained greater combinations of alcohol.  We can’t vouch for them, but for historical and academic purposes, we present the recipes here as we found them.*  As with the Suffering, use a cocktail shaker, etc. etc.

The Dying Bastard

• 1/2 ounce gin
• 1/2 ounce bourbon
• 1/2 ounce brandy
• 1/2 ounce lime juice (cordial)
• 4 ounces ginger beer
• 2 dashes Angustora bitters

The Dead Bastard

• 1/2 ounce gin
• 1/2 ounce bourbon
• 1/2 ounce brandy
• 1/2 ounce rum (light)
• 1/2 ounce lime juice (cordial)
• 4 ounces ginger beer
• 1 dash Angustora bitters

As for why the Dead Bastard takes it easy on the bitters, we have no idea.

*That is to say, with a Google search.