ginger ale

THE SUFFERING BASTARD SHOW – with The Performer Known as T.J.

with The Performer Known as T.J.
Former D!sney Costumed Character

“Who’s easier to kick in the nuts: Tigger or Captain Hook?”

Ever go to a big-time theme park and wonder just who the poor suffering bastard is inside the Tigger costume?  Well, now you can find out!

Meet T.J., a man who spent years as a character performer at D!sney World, and doesn’t mind talking about it.  (But we’re worried the Mouse might come after us, so we’re spelling it “D!sney,” just to fool the Googlers.  That Mouse plays hardball, man.)

Meanwhile, we get drunk on the Suffering Bastard cocktail, the hangover cure made so famous during WWII, that General Rommel himself wanted to invade Cairo to get one. *

*This is only sort-of true.

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The Suffering Bastard

  • 1 oz Gin
  • 1 oz Bourbon (or Brandy, depending on how old-school you’re feeling)
  • 1 tsp Fresh Lime Juice (or sweetened, depending on how sweet you’re feeling)
  • 2 dashes Angostura Bitters
  • Ginger Ale (or ginger beer, depending on how ginger you’re feeling)
  • Mint Leaves to garnish (or a cherry, or a lemon slice, depending on how garnished you’re feeling)

Combine the booze, the lime juice and the bitters in a cocktail shaker, and shake well with ice.  (Hey, put the ice in first, that’s how they usually do it.)   Strain into an ice-fulled highball or collins glass, and then top it off with ginger ale.  Mint leaves are the traditional garnish, but we like a cherry for the more tropical feel.  Look, garnish is a personal thing, like hats.

Bastard-creator Joe Scialom also went on to create two more drinks, the Dying Bastard and the Dead Bastard.  Each just contained greater combinations of alcohol.  We can’t vouch for them, but for historical and academic purposes, we present the recipes here as we found them.*  As with the Suffering, use a cocktail shaker, etc. etc.

The Dying Bastard

  • 1/2 ounce gin
  • 1/2 ounce bourbon
  • 1/2 ounce brandy
  • 1/2 ounce lime juice (cordial)
  • 4 ounces ginger beer
  • 2 dashes Angustora bitters

The Dead Bastard

  • 1/2 ounce gin
  • 1/2 ounce bourbon
  • 1/2 ounce brandy
  • 1/2 ounce rum (light)
  • 1/2 ounce lime juice (cordial)
  • 4 ounces ginger beer
  • 1 dash Angustora bitters

As for why the Dead Bastard takes it easy on the bitters, we have no idea.

*That is to say, with a Google search.

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THE COBBLER SHOW – with James Slay

The Army of Drunks Cobbler ShowTHE COBBLER SHOW
With James Slay
Actual Goddamn Bartender

We should have done this a long time ago. This week the Army of Drunks sits down with an actual goddamn bartender to hear what life is like behind the counter.   Warning: it can suck to be on the other side of you when you’re ordering a drink.

While we hear war stories from behind the bar, we investigate the Cobbler, the first American cocktail to take the world by storm in the 18th century, thanks two the combination of sherry, ice and — believe it or goddamn not — the invention of the straw.  Listen as we get old-tymie loaded on both the original Sherry Cobbler, which liked you’d expect is made with sherry, and the D Cobbler, which upgrades to whiskey and ginger ale.  (NSFW as always.)

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During the show, James educates us on William Schmidt, one of the first cocktail book authors in America.  In fact, here he is!  Look into his steely, whiskey-burned gaze as you think about what booze awaits you.

William Stinkin’ Schmidt!




Remember, William is an innocent, but his mustache stands in judgement of you and all you’ve done… or failed to do… in this life.

The Narragansett Cobbler

  • Whole Peel of Orange
  • Juice of one Orange
  • One “jigger” whiskey (we used Canadian whiskey)
  • One Bottle of Ginger Ale (though you won’t need the whole thing)
  • Cracked Ice
  • Berries to Garnish this Sucker
  • A Paper Straw (if you’re going to be traditional about it)
If you’re going to be a badass like MixMa$ter Therm, start by taking off the entire peel of one orange in one piece.  Good luck with that.  Put the peel artfully spiraled in a collins glass.  Add the juice of the orange, a jigger of whiskey, fill the rest with ice, and top off with ginger ale.  Then garnish it with berries, because it makes you look all-Martha-Stewart ‘n’ shit.  (And really, it makes the drink look gorgeous.) Drink through a straw, a paper one if you’re going to be historically accurate.
The Sherry Cobbler
  • 4 oz. Dry Sherry (everyone says go for amantillado)
  • 1/2 tsp simple syrup or 1 tbs sugar
  • 2 or 3 Orange Slices
  • Cracked Ice
  • Berries and/or Mint to Garnish it to Glory
  • A Goddamn Paper Straw
Muddle the orange slices and the sugar/syrup in a mixing glass.  Add the sherry and ice, then shake like a bucking mule.  Strain into a collins glass over more cracked ice.  Garnish that sucker with berries and a paper straw.  Pretend you’re in The Music Man.




Therm and the Mobius Peel.


Special Guest Super Mario!

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