comedy

THE PINK LADY SHOW – with “Alex X”


THE PINK LADY SHOW
with “Alex X”
Anime/Sci-Fi Convention Organizer

“I’ve seen so much Gadget porn, you don’t even know.”

Nothing is bigger than comic “cons” right now.  Literally nothing!  Not the sun.  Not the expanding cluster of galaxies billions of light years across that contains the Milky Way.  NOTHING!

Join us as we take a peek behind the scenes of these amazing nerdapalloozas with “Alex X,” a semi-anonymous convention organizer who’s worked in cons for years.  Find out way more than you wanted to know about the big egos of B-celebrities, secret nerd* orgies, and what drives the mind of a Furry.  (Don’t be afraid.)

We also take a dive into the Pink Lady, the most unfairly-maligned “girlie drink” of the last century.  It’s shockingly delicious, and not cloying at all when you do it right.  (Entirely unlike “Pink Lady and Jeff,” the disturbing variety show from the late 70s.)

*And we mean the word with the most respect we can muster.  We’re all nerds here.

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DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
MixMa$ter Therm’s Optimal Pink Lady Recipe

There are two commonly-found versions of the Pink Lady, one is a more modern version with cream, ours is based on the classic version.  Honestly, we think it’s better.  You trust us, don’t you?

  • 1.5 oz Gin
  • .5 oz Apple Jack
  • .5 oz Lemon juice
  • 2.5 tbs Egg white (or one egg white from a single egg)
  • 2 tsp Grenadine.  (4 dashes)
  • Cherry for garnishing purposes.

Combine all ingredients in a cocktail shaker and shake with ice.  For a drink like this, it’s worth it to get some high-end grenadine.  Seriously, don’t use the cheap stuff if you can avoid it.  Pour into a cocktail glass and garnish with a cherry.  (In this case, a maraschino is completely acceptable, but there’s no reason to hold back the Luxardos if you have them.)  Enjoy, while feeling gender-neutral!

And if you want to learn more about Grenadine, join our Patreon campaign for access to our Back Room of bonus material.

GRENADINE FOR SALE!  (a tiny fraction of your purchase will go to the Army production fund.)


WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT FURRIES?

FINALLY, SOME PINK LADY AND JEFF!
Prepare to feel deeply uncomfortable.

 

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THE SIDEWALKER SHOW – with Adrian Roberts


THE SIDEWALKER SHOW
with Adrian Roberts
Transperson and Founder of Bootie Mashup

“Ask a Drunk Transgender!” Just in time for President Donny’s big ban on transpeople in the military for no reason, we sit down with Adrian Roberts, one of the first people in the US to officially register as gender non-binary.  (She was number 14.  Not bad.)

Hear Adrian give the inside word on gender transition, fluidity, liking both boys’ and girls’ toys, and the joys of German beer.   Yes, our cocktail is a hefeweizen-based beer concoction with vinegar and lemon juice called the Sidewalker.  Shockingly, it’s damn delicious, and not at all a bad revenge plot by the Bavarians.

Also: Do you know the difference between Bananenheizen and Scheissehosen??

You had better, my friend.  You had better.

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DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Sidewalker

We’ll be dead honest, we got this one from a little site called Crafts on Draft, who claim it came from bartender Damon Boelte at Prime Meats restaurant in Brooklyn.    We’re quoting verbatim here, mostly because we’re lazy.

Ingredients: (Makes one cocktail)

  • 1 ounce apple brandy (such as Laird’s)
  • ¾ ounce lemon juice
  • ½ ounce maple syrup
  • ¼ ounce apple cider vinegar
  • hefeweizen
  • Lemon wedge, to garnish

Preperation

Pour the brandy, lemon juice, maple syrup and vinegar into a cocktail shaker. Add ice and shake. Strain the cocktail into a chilled, tall glass and top with beer. Garnish with a lemon wedge.

OUR DRUNKEN GUESTS!
Adrian Roberts is one of the founders of Bootie Mashup, one of the best sources for dance mash-ups and mash-up themed dance parties in the country.  Go check it out for free music downloads, club dates, and general bootiliciousness.

ACTUAL CONVERSATION BETWEEN BUCK AND SHAFT ABOUT THIS DRINK
When we first heard about the Sidewalker, we were… OK, we were afraid.  We were flat-out scared of what a cocktail with beer and vinegar would do to our souls.

So as promised,  so here is the text conversation between Buck and Shaft in all of it’s incredulous glory.

 

 

 

Finally, here’s our show slug again, so social media doesn’t attach that conversation to any shared post, because apparently that’s how this bullshit works.

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LET’S TALK ABOUT FEELINGS – Science, Vermouth & The Robot Uprising


LET’S TALK ABOUT FEELINGS:
Science, Vermouth & The Robot Uprising
with Scientist Ian McEwan

Welcome to the Army’s newest experiment: “Let’s Talk About Feelings!”  A show where we get a little deeper and a little drunker into a topic of choice with our valued guest.  So let’s hear a little more on the future of science in America from scientist Ian McEwan.  (WARNING: What he has to say is way more interesting than what we have to say.)

OTHER WARNING: There are maybe fewer dick jokers per hour in this format.  Just roll with it.

We also get a little deeper into just what the hell is vermouth, anyway.  Do you care?  YES, YOU DO!

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AND OH YEAH, VERMOUTH!

Here’s a little piece from Cocktail God David Wondrich on the Wonders of Vermouth.  Read it, you lazy drunk bastard.
http://www.esquire.com/food-drink/drinks/a22162/why-the-aperitif-0513/

 

NOTE:
Ian wanted to correct a small fact.  It turns out sperm whales do sleep, they just do it in six-to-ten minute increments.

Photographer Captures Incredibly Rare Shot Of Sperm Whales SleepingDid you ever imagine the sperm whales sleeping? How would that look like..? If you still can’t picture that, then let the Swiss photographer Franco Banfi help you out.demilked.com

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THE MANHATTAN SHOW – with Ian McEwan

 

THE MANHATTAN SHOW
with Scientist Ian McEwan

It’s Season Three, you drunken bastards!  Put on your Celebratin’ Pants and get your Manhattan on as we play “Ask a Drunk Scientist” again with our good friend Ian McEwan.  Ian tackles the big questions about robot uprisings, those new planets we can’t get to, and how you can or cannot cross the galaxy in one lifetime.

We also get under the history of the Manhattan cocktail — a drink as illustrious as the city itself — and we don’t shy away from the tough philosophical question:  Dry or sweet?  Bourbon or rye?  What kind of vermouth?  Wait, there are different kinds of vermouth?

Yes, my child, yes there are.

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DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Manhattan
(The MixMa$ter Therm “Perfect” Version)

  • 3 oz Rye Whiskey
  • 1 oz Dry Vermouth
  • 1/2 oz Sweet Vermouth
  • 6 Dashes of Angostura Bitters

The Manhattan is a drink that’s mostly as good as the base ingredients, so don’t chintz out on the whiskey if you can avoid it.  Some people swear that rye is the only proper whiskey for a Manhattan.  We trust these people, more or less, so go with rye and see how you like it.  David Wondrich also says higher proof whiskies make for better Manhattans than their lower-proof cousins.  We definitely trust David Wondrich.  You should also put some effort into the vermouth, but remember, open vermouth bottles go bad in a few days if you don’t refrigerate them, so pick up a half-bottle if you can.

As you’d expect, put all of the ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice.  Traditionally, you stir the drink it with a cocktail stirrer.  Some say shaking adds foam, which you don’t want.  Others say if you’ve got foam, you’re using bad ingredients, and besides, shaking is cool.  Best to just go with the stirrer to avoid arguments.

Also traditionally, you should ideally chill the glass for half an hour in the freezer before serving.  Most people don’t really want to plan that far ahead, so just fill the glass with ice cubes and cold water while you’re mixing, then dump that out before you pour the drink.

Garnish with a Luxardo cherry.  Use of a maraschino is a crime punishable by forced exile from the Cocktail Kingdom.  Seriously, if you’ve got no Luxardos, use a lemon peel.

MANHATTAN VARIANTS
Unsurprisingly, there are as many variants of the Manhattans as there are similes to describe the number of variants of the Manhattan.  Some of them are:

  • SWEET MANHATTAN: Bourbon and sweet vermouth.
  • DRY MANHATTAN: Rye and dry vermouth.
  • “PERFECT” MANHATTAN: Rye and 1/2 dry and 1/2 sweet vermouth.
  • METROPOLITAN: Use Brandy instead of whiskey.
  • CUBAN MANHATTAN: The “Perfect” recipe, but substituting dark rum.

THE PLACE FOR SOME LINKS THAT WE’LL PROBABLY ADD TO AS PEOPLE ASK US TO ELABORATE ON STUFF

Here’s an article on that Faster-Than-Light Drive we were talking about.

And the NASA article on all those new planets!

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THE EL PRESIDENTE SHOW REDUX – with Jhonen Vasquez


THE EL PRESIDENTE SHOW – REDUX
With Jhonen Vasquez
(The Re-Run)
Subscribe on iTunes!

In preparation for Season Three, we’re releasing one of our favorite shows: the 2015 interview with Jhonen Vasquez.  (Creator of Invader ZIM, Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, and, you know, other stuff.)  This was before the new INVADER ZIM special was announced (yay!), and before Donald Trump fucked up relations with Cuba (asshole!), but it’s still a great interview, and a durn fine cocktail. (Still NSFW, and definitely not safe for kids.)

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ORIGINAL GODDAMN SHOW NOTES!

Yeah, we were going to do a show about the Zombie, but it turns out that’s way more complicated than we thought.  Seriously, no two recipes are alike on that cocktail, and one of them involves cooking up your own spice mix.  Seriously.  So in honor of re-opening relations with Cuba, we present a cocktail that was founded in Havanah during prohibition and crossed that small patch of ocean to the United States.  In the process we learn they never should have added the goddamn grenadine.

Our quest is Jhonen Vasquez, comic book artist and creator of the INVADER ZIM cartoon series.  We talk a little about the new INVADER ZIM comic, and talk a lot about other random things like robots, murder, horror movies, the glorious absurdity of adults being stupid for a living, and how to rule with an iron scrotum.  (NSFW as always.  And really not safe for kids.)

DRINK ALONG AT HOME
The El Presidente

We went through a couple of recipes until we found what we think is the optimal version of the El Presidente.  The secret: NO GRENADINE!

MixMa$ter Therm’s Optimal Presidente:

  • 2 parts white rum.  (Something better than Bacardi if you can find it.)
  • 1 part dry vermouth. (Dolin white is the most recommended.)
  • 1/2 part orange curacao.

Shake all ingredients in a shaker, like you do, and pour into a chilled glass.  Garnish with an orange peel if you have any style at all.  Drink while you oppress the common people.

Oh, and when you’re done… always refrigerate your vermouth!  It goes bad.

But if you insist on trying the more mainstream version:

  • 2 parts white rum.
  • 2 parts dry vermouth.
  • 1/2 part orange curacao.
  • Dash of grenadine.

Shake everything in a shaker with ice, like you would.  Pour in glass.  Drink.  Think about how it would be much better without the grenadine.

SOME OF JHONEN’S OFFICIAL INTERNET LOCALES
http://www.questionsleep.com
http://jhonenv.tumblr.com
https://twitter.com/jhonenv

AND SOME OF VASQUEZERY ON AMAZON

AND DON’T FORGET THE “ROBOT OR NOT” PODCAST
https://www.theincomparable.com/robot/

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THE CORPSE REVIVER SHOW


THE CORPSE REVIVER SHOW

With Mortician Amber Carvaly
& Special Guest Host Aydrea Walden
& Guest Bartender James Slay
Subscribe on iTunes here!

Welcome to our Halloween show!  And how better to celebrate the season of spooks, costume parties, and candy comas than by plunging headlong into death!  Our guest is Amber Carvaly (Undertaking LA), a mortician with a mission to bring the funeral back into the hands of the bereaved and away from corporate casket-dealing bastards, and we get in deep conversation about death, dying, and whether you should be buried with your keno chips.

And our drink is the Corpse Reviver, versions number one and (the more common) number two, a class of drink as old as the 19th century, but brought into popularity by one man during prohibition.  We try both the old-school brandy-based beverage, and the more brunch-friendly gin-and-lemon version.   Which will revive a corpse faster?  You be the judge!

And with us again is special guest host Aydrea Walden, creator of The Oreo Experience blog, and guest bartender James Slay… Because Spork and Therm are dead!  (Alert Bela Lugosi.) (NSFW as always.)

Subscribe on iTunes here!

Or listen directly here!

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Corpse Reviver no. 1 
(The olde-timey one.)

  • 2 parts Cognac
  • 1 part Calvados or Apple Brandy
  • 1 part Sweet Vermouth

Stir ingredients together with ice.  Pour into a cocktail glass, or if you’re appropriately schmancy, a coupe glass.  Administer to easy the hangover.

The Corpse Reviver no. 2
(The citrusy bunch-friendly one)

  • One part (or 3/4 oz) Gin
  • One part(or 3/4 oz) Cointreau or Curacoa
  • One part (or 3/4 oz) Lillet Blanc
  • One part (or, wait for it… 3/4 oz) Lemon Juice
  • One dash Absinthe

Strain all the ingredients together into a shaker with ice.  Strain into a chilled cocktail glass.  Drink.  And to quote Harry Craddock, inventor of the Corpse Reviver no. 2, “Four of these taken in quick succession will unrevive the corpse again.”

OUR DRUNKEN GUESTS

Amber Carvaly can be found at Undertaking L.A. and at the Order of the Good Death.

Aydrea Walden can be found at The Oreo Experience blog.

And James Slay can be found slinging drinks at Barbara’s at the Brewery, and his band The Capgun Holdups can be found in bars around Los Angeles.

BUY THESE BOOKS, YOU LOADIE!

The Savoy Cocktail book by Henry Craddock is an indispensable tome for all lovers of classic cocktails.  A direct reprint of the original 1930 volume, this book is home to the original recipe for the Corpse Revivers no. 1&2, as well as dozens of prohibition-era drinks.  Drink like you’re historic, man!


Amber Carvaly’s partner in crime at Undertaking L.A. is Caitlin Doughty, founder of the Order of the Good Death, and one of the foremost advocates for a more natural approach to caring for the dead.  Her book Smoke Gets in Your Eyes recounts her time working in a crematorium.  Damn, it’s fascinating.

 

copyright ©2016 Army of Drunks

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SUMMER TIKI SPECIAL 2016

SUMMER TIKI SPECIAL 2016
Featuring the Mai Tai and Singapore Sling
With Comedian Katie Massa
Subscribe on iTunes here!

It’s August!  What better time for lounging by the pool and getting drunk as a Hawaiian sunset?  We’ve been away for a while, but before this long hot summer passes into misty memory, the Drunks have brought you an extra special, extra-extended parade of TIKI, damn it!

We plumb the Pacific depths of the only genre of cocktails spawned from a theme restaurant.  Learn how Don the Beachcomber unwittingly founded the Tiki movement in pre-WWII California, and how competitor Trader Vic took it nation-wide from — believe it nor not — Oakland.   Then learn the history of the MAI TAI, the flagship tiki cocktail, and the SINGAPORE SLING, an outside-the-Polynesian-triangle addition to the tiki pantheon.

Matt Shaw also tells us about his distillery tour of Scotland.  Yes, someone let Matt Shaw loose in the land where they make scotch.  Katie Massa tells us how People are Horrible™. Buck expounds on what it means to get “Tiki Drunk.”   We solve the urgent riddle of Zsa Zsa Gabor: alive or dead? And we play “Name That Sex Act: Trump Edition.”  (NSFW as always.)

Subscribe on iTunes here!

Or listen directly here!

BUT FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS!  THIS GODDAMN BOOK!
Before we go too far, this is the flat-out amazing Tiki book we referenced during the show, Smuggler’s Cove by Martin Cate and Rebecca Cate.  It goes deep into the kelp on the true origins of all the Polynesian cocktails you sort-of know and think you probably would love if you could only try one.   It also contains the ORIGINAL MAI TAI recipe we tried.  (We’d post it here, but we don’t want to deny Martin & Rebecca their hard-earned book royalties.)   If you love Tiki as much as you love life itself, or even slightly less, go buy it right now!

And if you need your bad self some good Tiki mugs, we used this plucky little set.

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Mai Tai!

  • 1 oz (2 tablespoons) dark rum
  • 1 oz (2 tablespoons) amber rum
  • 2 tablespoons fresh orange juice
  • 1/2 oz (1 tablespoon) Cointreau (or triple sec or Curaçao)
  • 1 tablespoon fresh lime juice
  • 1 teaspoon orgeat syrup  (or 1 drop pure almond extract)
  • 1 teaspoon superfine granulated sugar
  • Dash of grenadine
  • Garnish: an orange slice, or Lime rind and mint sprig

Shake all of the ingredients with ice, pour into a highball glass with a straw.  Or a tiki glass, or a Tiki mug if you want to go full-Tiki.

Note: Martin Cate suggests you add the juice of half a fresh lime after the pour, to keep it from over-liming the whole drink.  YMMV.  There’s also some debate over the proper garnish.  Apparently the classic Mai Tai uses a mint sprig with the lime rind, while the more modern Tiki-slinger can go with an orange slice, or any of the usual Tiki umbrella/fruit combos.

DRINK MORE AT HOME!
The Singapore Sling!

  • 1 1⁄2 ounces gin
  • 1⁄2 ounce cherry heering
  • 1⁄4 ounce Cointreau liqueur
  • 1⁄4 ounce benedictine
  • 4 ounces pineapple juice
  • 1⁄2 ounce lime juice
  • 1⁄3 ounce grenadine
  • 1 dash bitters

Shake all ingredients in a shaker with shakable ice.  Strain into a highball glass or Tiki mug.  Garnish with whatever festive Tiki regalia you have at your disposal.  (But anything involving pineapple never hurts.)

FINALLY, THE COCONUT!
From the Gentleman Callers of Los Angeles

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THE COBBLER SHOW – with James Slay

The Army of Drunks Cobbler ShowTHE COBBLER SHOW
With James Slay
Actual Goddamn Bartender

We should have done this a long time ago. This week the Army of Drunks sits down with an actual goddamn bartender to hear what life is like behind the counter.   Warning: it can suck to be on the other side of you when you’re ordering a drink.

While we hear war stories from behind the bar, we investigate the Cobbler, the first American cocktail to take the world by storm in the 18th century, thanks two the combination of sherry, ice and — believe it or goddamn not — the invention of the straw.  Listen as we get old-tymie loaded on both the original Sherry Cobbler, which liked you’d expect is made with sherry, and the D Cobbler, which upgrades to whiskey and ginger ale.  (NSFW as always.)

Subscribe on iTunes here!

Or Listen Directly here!

During the show, James educates us on William Schmidt, one of the first cocktail book authors in America.  In fact, here he is!  Look into his steely, whiskey-burned gaze as you think about what booze awaits you.

IMG_0139
William Stinkin’ Schmidt!

 

 

 

Remember, William is an innocent, but his mustache stands in judgement of you and all you’ve done… or failed to do… in this life.

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Narragansett Cobbler

  • Whole Peel of Orange
  • Juice of one Orange
  • One “jigger” whiskey (we used Canadian whiskey)
  • One Bottle of Ginger Ale (though you won’t need the whole thing)
  • Cracked Ice
  • Berries to Garnish this Sucker
  • A Paper Straw (if you’re going to be traditional about it)
If you’re going to be a badass like MixMa$ter Therm, start by taking off the entire peel of one orange in one piece.  Good luck with that.  Put the peel artfully spiraled in a collins glass.  Add the juice of the orange, a jigger of whiskey, fill the rest with ice, and top off with ginger ale.  Then garnish it with berries, because it makes you look all-Martha-Stewart ‘n’ shit.  (And really, it makes the drink look gorgeous.) Drink through a straw, a paper one if you’re going to be historically accurate.
AND AS LONG AS YOU’RE SIPPING HISTORY, ALSO TRY…
The Sherry Cobbler
  • 4 oz. Dry Sherry (everyone says go for amantillado)
  • 1/2 tsp simple syrup or 1 tbs sugar
  • 2 or 3 Orange Slices
  • Cracked Ice
  • Berries and/or Mint to Garnish it to Glory
  • A Goddamn Paper Straw
Muddle the orange slices and the sugar/syrup in a mixing glass.  Add the sherry and ice, then shake like a bucking mule.  Strain into a collins glass over more cracked ice.  Garnish that sucker with berries and a paper straw.  Pretend you’re in The Music Man.

BUY WILLIAM SCHMIDT’S BOOK!

AND CHECK OUT THE CAPGUN HOLDUPS!

SOME GODDAMN PHOTOS FROM THE RECORDING SESSION – ORANGE SLAUGHTER & SUPER MARIO!

Therm and the Mobius Peel.

IMG_0124

Special Guest Super Mario!

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THE BOURBON & GIRL SCOUT COOKIES SHOW – with Linda Williamson

 

AOD_Bourbon_and_Cookies_show_slug_SMALLTHE BOURBON & GIRL SCOUT COOKIES SHOW
With Linda Williamson
Writer for L.A. Weekly, L.A. Times & L.A. Magazine

NSFW. NSFW! Oh, and NSFW!!
We thought this would be a good idea.  We had no idea it would end the way it did.

Bourbon and Girl Scout cookies.  Who would think to pair them? Well, everyone after that little article from the Bourbon Review website went viral.  The difference between us and your questionable friends who posted it on Facebook is that we actually tried it!   We soon discovered half the bourbons the article recommended were either impossible to find or astronomically priced, so we made a few substitutions of our own to make the boozy picnic possible.  Then we invited writer Linda Williamson — author of the L.A. Weekly article “Girl Scout Cookies: Sugar, God & Questionable Math Skills” — to bring her own unique opinions about Thin Mints.

That part went all right.  Delightful, even.  It was what came late that we have to apologize for.  We are very, very sorry for how the show wound up, and we promise to never, ever do it again. Really. (NSFW as always.)

Subsribe on iTunes here!

Or listen directly here!

READ THE ORIGINAL ARTICLE IN THE BOURBON REVIEW. 
http://www.gobourbon.com/bourbon-girl-scout-cookie-pairings/

AND HERE’S LINDA’S L.A. WEEKLY STORY “GIRL SCOUT COOKIES: SUGAR, GOD & QUESTIONABLE MATH SKILLS”
http://www.laweekly.com/restaurants/girl-scout-cookies-sugar-god-questionable-math-skills-2897127

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
Here are the bourbon & cookie pairings we tried:

  • Thin Mints & Basil Hayden’s
  • Peanut Butter Sandwiches* & Johnny Drum by Willet
  • Shortbreads & Maker’s 46**
  • Samoas / Carmel Delites & Russel’s Reserve***

* This is supposed to be paired with Peanut Butter Patties, not sandwiches, but our Girl Scout screwed up. Honestly, it would have worked much better with the proper cookie.  We blame ourselves, but only because it looks bad to blame Girl Scouts for anything.

** The Bourbon Review recommended Pappy Van Winkle’s Family Reserve 20-Year Old for this pairing.  Simply clicking that link will explain why we didn’t use it.  (Yeah, it must be great being a bourbon review site and getting $2,500 bottles of out-of-circulation whiskey for free.)  We substitued the Maker’s 46 because of its oaky flavor.

*** The Bourbon Review paired this with Angel’s Envy Rye.  It’s rare, and the local liquor store was asking about $200 for a bottle of it.   We substituted Russel’s Reserve for its sweet overtones.  It’s a durn fine bourbon for the price.

MixMa$ter Therm has lined up the best thing to get mommy through that protracted Scout meeting.
MixMa$ter Therm has lined up the best thing to get mommy through that protracted Scout meeting.

SO, WHAT DID WE LEARN?
All of the pairings were interesting, some were a little more desserty than others, but the biggest straight-up home-run was Russel’s Reserve and Samoas.  We’d recommend that to you or any Girl Scout who grew up and got sassy.  Shortbreads and Maker’s 46 also made a nice combination for someone who’s feeling more refined about their booze-and-cookie habit.

We also discovered that dunking Thin Mints in Maker’s 46 is embarrassingly delicious.  The mint puts you in the mind of the bourbon and mint combination of a mint julep, and the chocolate cools out the heat of the Maker’s, while reminding you that you’re a goddamn grown-up drinking expensive bourbon with a six-year-old’s favorite milk-time treat.  What the hell is wrong with you?  Don’t let any serious bourbon aficionado catch you doing it.  (Though, really, you can’t run your life by what aficionados think.  Seriously, are you gonna let an aficionado push you around?)

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THE ZIGGY STARDUST SHOW – with Andy Hermann

AOD_Ziggy_Stardus_slug_small_OriginalPhoto-474781043.117197THE ZIGGY STARDUST SHOW
With Andy Hermann
Music editor for the Los Angeles Weekly

Yes, unless you’ve been buried under a man who fell to earth for the past month, you know that David Bowie recently passed on to the great unknown.  In celebration of the groundbreaking alien rock star, the Drunks present a tribute show with L.A Weekly music editor Andy Hermann while drinking the Ziggy Stardust, a drink as complex as Bowie himself.  (And the first Army of Drunks cocktail that could actually burn the place down.)

WARNING: We get loaded, pretentious, and all-kinds-of-serious about Bowie and his music, but we still have plenty of comedy-ha-ha-good-times as Spork recounts her tale of getting pelted with eggs in Havana on New Years Eve, we play “Bowie or Bizkit,” and we delve deep to find out what’s in Shaw’s craw.

Oh, and for those of you Bowie virgins out there, don’t worry, Buck gives his list of where to start listening.  (Or go ahead and worry.  See if we care.)  But you can scroll down to buy the albums on our Amazon Store.

(And the show is NSFW as always.)

Subscribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Ziggy Stardust

  • 4 oz Vodka
  • 1 oz Creme de Violette
  • 2 dashes Orange Bitters
  • 1/2 oz Goldschlager
  • Sprinkle of Cinnamon
  • Fire

Combine vodka, violette and bitters in a cocktail shaker with ice.  Shake and pour into a martini glass.  Pour the Goldschlager into a shot glass and light on fire.  Sprinkle cinnamon over the flame and watch it sparkle like Ziggy Stardust himself.  Then pour into a glass and drink, reminding yourself that the world is over four billion years old, and you were lucky enough to live at the same time as David Bowie.

The Ziggy Stardust in Progress. Notice the heart-shaped flame. (photo by Kevin Rolly)
The Ziggy Stardust in Progress. Notice the heart-shaped flame. (photo by Kevin Rolly)

OUR HONORED GUEST
Andy Hermann is the kick-ass music editor for the Los Angeles weekly.  Read more about him here.

Andy’s listicle tribute to David Bowie — 10 Reasons Why David Bowie Was Our Weirdest Rock Star — is here.

AND WE ALSO TALKED ABOUT…
Ann Power’s NPR piece on David Bowie — Reflections of a Bowie Girl — can be found here.

Henry Rollins’ L.A. Weekly review of Bowie’s Blackstar is definitely worth a look here.

DAVID BOWIE’S MUSIC
We mentioned a few albums on the show, and Buck’s list of the three albums to start on are:
Hunky Dory (1971)
The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars (1972)
Aladdin Sane (1973)
To that, Andy added:
Let’s Dance (1983)
That oughtta get you started.  We also discussed:
David Bowie (1967) his first album
Blackstar (2016) his final album

All of this is available in the Drunken Music section of the Army of Drunks Amazon store.  GO THERE NOW!

AS PROMISED, HERE’S A PICTURE OF SPORK IN THE STREETS OF HAVANA ON NEW YEARS

DSC00566
Spork Represents the USA in Havana on New Years.

FINALLY, A RARE PHOTO OF THE DRUNKS IN THEIR NATURAL HABITAT.

The Drunks in their Natural Habitat. (left to right, Shaft, Buck Down, Spork, Matt Shaw, guest Andy Hermann, MixMa$ter Therm. Photo by Kevin Rolly.)
left to right, Shaft, Buck Down, Spork, Matt Shaw, guest Andy Hermann, MixMa$ter Therm. (photo by Kevin Rolly.)

show copyright ©2016, Army of Drunks

 

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THE WASSAIL CHRISTMAS SPECIAL – with Jon Alloway and Surprise Inside

AOD Wassail_show_slug_SMALL_OriginalPhoto-472277550.014627THE WASSAIL SHOW CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!
With Jon Alloway, musical guest Surprise Inside, and the Army of Drunks’ Tiny Audience!

Ever been Wassailing?  Well don’t.  It’s based on a horrible drink made of eggs, lager, wine, and Dickensian despair.  But it’s Christmas, and we get drunk on it so you don’t have to!

Welcome to the Army of Drunks Christmas Special!  Forget the bullshit “War on Christmas,” we’re going after Santa, more specifically, the SantaCon Rampage, a once-proud tradition of culture jamming now filthy with hipsters and douchebags!  Join us as we sit down with Jon Alloway, a veteran of the Los Angeles Cacophony Society as he tells us about the Krampus Run, a new tradition that celebrates St. Nicholas’ evil goat-headed partner in crime.

Also, all-improv band Surprise Inside regales us with christmas songs whipped-up-right-there-on-the-spot.  We welcome our first Tiny Audience.  And we learn what’s the only thing that can stop a bad Santa with a gun.

Warning: Contains Star Wars spoilers. Suck it, Bantha.

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!

OriginalPhoto-472280375.640787
The horror of wassail.

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
Don’t.

Just don’t.  We tried a big steaming bowl of Wassail on the show, and we don’t recommend the experience for anything.  It’s like drinking a glass of German cinnamon omelette.  However… If you insist on drinking where angels fear to tread,  MixMa$ter Therm recommends Alton Brown’s recipe.  We are linking to it here.  The rest is on your head.

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/wassail-recipe.html

HERE’S A LINK TO L.A.’s KRAMPUS GROUP
https://www.facebook.com/groups/krampuslosangeles

AND SURPRISE INSIDE’S PAGE
(They do improv karaoke events at the UCB Theater on Sunset.)
https://www.facebook.com/SurpriseInside/

A TRAILER FOR JON ALLOWAY’S CACOPHONY SOCIETY DOCUMENTARY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4MC2Ng1BDE

SIX SANTAS FIGHTING ON THE STREETS OF NEW YORK!

AND CHECK OUT KRAMMPSTEIN, THE KRAMPUS METAL BAND
https://www.facebook.com/krammpstein
Krampus IMG_3760

 

 

Merry Krampmas, one and all!

Drunk Santa
Drunk Santa
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THE OLD FASHIONED SHOW HOLIDAY REDUX – with Johnny Amerika

AOD_Old Fashioned_Holiday Slug_smal_IMG_3740

OLD FASHIONED SHOW – HOLIDAY REDUX!

With Johnny Amerika

Holiday time is upon us, and as the Drunks gear up for Season Two, we regift a show from Season One, now with added fruitcakery!  MixMa$ter Therm tells you how to make your own Holiday Five-Actually-Seven-Spice Liqueur to give as a gift to the ones you claim to love!

Meet mad genius Johnny Amerika who builds the sort of machines you only come up with when you’re drunk as the Army of Drunks get ice-balls deep in the (Whisky) Old Fashioned cocktail, a drink older than anyone alive today.  We also hear news from the drunken hamlet of River Falls, learn the story of a real-live Killdozer, and drink seven-week-old eggnog without dying.

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!

 

MIXMA$TER THERM’S HOLIDAY FIVE-ACTUALLY-SEVEN-SPICE LIQUEUR!
Infusing liqueur is  a (sometimes) cheap and (always) easy way to create a gift that makes you look a like an artisan badass.  MixMa$ter Therm set out to concoct a booze based on the original “Chinese Five Spice” spice mix, and two extra spices later had a perfect Christmas liquor for getting loaded under the tree.  You will need:

  • 1 oz. cinnamon stick(s)
  • 1 oz. whole cloves
  • 1 oz. star anis
  • 1 oz. fennel seeds
  • 1 oz. black pepper corns
  • 1 oz. whole nutmeg
  • 1 oz. whole allspice
  • 1.75 liter bottle of vodka
  • Approximately 2 cups simple syrup (1 part sugar to 1 part water)

REGARDING THE SPICES – Yes, we suggest buying them whole, not ground.  It’s not the cheapest way to go, but you’ll have enough left over to make gallons of the stuff if you want.

Holiday Seven Spice Liqueur_small OriginalPhoto-470515979.008200Measure out 1 oz. each of the spices and put them in a big pile.  Mash the cinnamon sticks and the nutmeg if you want, but otherwise toss everything in a frying pan and toast it up over the stove.  (That means just heating them up for a few minutes while you toss them around in the pan.  NO STINKIN’ OIL!)

Coax all of those spices into a big-ass bottle of vodka and let it sit for about three days.  Be sure to turn the bottle over a few times once or twice a day to keep them flavors mixin’!   When the three days are up, strain out all of the spice through a fine strainer or a loose coffee filter or the powers of your mind or something.  (And yeah, you’ll need a big bowl to dump all of this Christmas-tasting liquor into.)

Add simple syrup to taste, but we found a 1-to-4 syrup-to-vodka ratio worked quite well.  This would be about 2 cups of simple syrup for 1.75 liters of infused vodka.  Sip along the way to make sure you’ve done it right, and to make the time pass faster.

Pour your finished liqueur into smaller bottles, slap home-made labels on them that read “Annie’s Secret Christmas Cheer Elf Potion” or something equally f***ing adorable, and give them out to anyone you want to impress.  Sit back and reap the holiday benefits, or just get drunk on pure Christmas magic!

AND NOW FOR THE SHOW NOTES…

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Whiskey Old-Fashioned

  • 2 oz. bourbon or rye.  (Or a mix.  We used three parts bourbon to one part rye.)
  • 1 sugar cube.  (Or 1/2 oz simple syrup.)
  • Angostura bitters
  • Orange slice and/or peel
  • One non-marchino cherry (optional)

Put a sugar cube in a glass and soak it down with bitters.  (And add a little water if that’s how you roll.)  Muddle it.  Pour in the booze.  Add a slice of orange or orange peel, and a cherry.  DO NOT MUDDLE THE FRUIT, DAMN IT!  Serve like you mean it.

MixMa$ter Therm gazes with dread upon the seven-week old eggnog.
AOD_Therm_Eggnog_IMG_3737

Here’s Johnny’s  trebuchet commercial.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZbG9i1oGPA

And the story of Marvin Heemeyer.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marvin_Heemeyer

 

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THE WHITE RUSSIAN SHOW – with Aydrea Walden

AOD_White_Russian_Show_Slug_SMALL_IMG_2969THE WHITE RUSSIAN SHOW
With Aydrea Walden
(Author of The Oreo Experience)

The White Russian?  Is it more than just a Black Russian with cream?  Actually, no.  But just like “cream” can mean the difference between an NC-17 and X rating, the mighty dairy product does something special that takes this cocktail to a sweeter and sweatier place.

Join us as we explore the details of the White Russian, and since we really covered the Black Russian in another show, also discuss the details of the 1985 film “White Nights,” with Gregory Hines and Mikhail Baryshnikov.

But our real star is Aydrea Walden, author of “The Oreo Experience” blog, and creator of the stage show of the same name.  Aydrea regales us with tales of growing up as a self-described “Oreo,” or “total whitey trapped in a black chick’s body,” why it was impossible to convince her white peers in a Texas high school that no, she did not like “Boys II Men,” and how she still can make an East Coast W.A.S.P. uncomfortable.

We also discover a how you, too, can go to an actual bathroom in the middle of a lake, play “Which is Whiter?” and find out what’s in Shaw’s Craw.

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The White Russian

  • 5 parts (or 2.5 oz) vodka
  • 3 parts (or 1.5 oz) Kahlua or coffee liqueur
  • 1 part (or 1 oz) cream or half-and half
  • Ice (duh)

The biggest point of contention in all White Russian recipes is the balance of ingredients.  After some experimentation, MixMa$ter Therm determined the 5-3-1 of vodka to Kahlua to cream seems to be the optimal combination.  Fill a glass with ice, add the vodka and the Kahlua, stir affectionately, then add the cream on the top.  Drink while imagining you’re as cool as anything that happened in The Big Lebowski.

CHECK OUT AYDREA WALDEN’S WORK!
The Oreo Experience Blog
The Oreo Experience Live Show

THE CROWLEY LAKE FLOATING OUTHOUSE
No photographic records exist of this outhouse, leading us to believe that is really is a supernatural phenomenon.

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THE MOJITO SHOW – with Clifton James Weaver III

AOD_Mojito_show_slug_small_IMG_2414THE MOJITO SHOW
With Clifton James Weaver III
(aka DJ Soft Touch)

What’s the “Song of the Summer” for 2015?  Damn us to Pharrell Hell if we know, kids!  Popular music has failed us, so we sit down with one of L.A.’s most accomplished funk and soul DJs, Clifton James Weaver, and tap his encyclopedic knowledge of groove before August slips away.

We also sit back and sip on the Mojito, Cuba’s most enduring contribution beyond cigars and a stream of angry expatriates to Florida.  Discover the drink that started as a cure for dysentery and ended up as one of Ernest Hemingway’s favorites!

And: Could Ike Turner beat up Ché Guevara? (NSFW as always.)

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!

DRINK ALONG AT HOME
The Mojito

  • 3/4 oz lime juice
  • 1 3/4 tsp superfine sugar
  • 2 oz white rum
  • 4 oz club soda
  • 4 mint leaves (or more)

First muddle the mint leaves with the sugar and lime juice in a tall glass.  (If you don’t have a professional-grade muddler, you can use a spoon.  If you do have a professional muddler, congratulations on a good use of your discretionary income.)  Add the white rum, top off with soda water, garnish with more mint and/or lime slices, drink with a straw, write novel, plan revolution.  Repeat.

MIXMA$TER THERM’S MOJITO CALCULATIONS
Therm's Mojito Chart CROPPED IMG_3568

CLIFTON JAMES WEAVER ON THE WEB
Clifton’s Corner at Aquarium Drunkard
Snap, Crackle and Bop on Punk Aristocrats
Jump + Dance Radio
Funky Sole at the Echo on Facebook
Clifton’s Facebook Page

OUR PLAYLIST FOR THE NIGHT
Keep on Shining – Curtis Harding
Move On Up – Curtis Mayfield
Check Your Bucket  – Eddie Bo
Sex Machine – Get Up with Dancer
Kelen Kati Leen – Orchestra Baobab
Got a Thing on My Mind– Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings
Vehicle – Orquesta Cubana de Musica Moderna

All of these songs can be found on Amazon at The Army’s Drunk Music Store!
(So hey, music lawyers, please don’t give us a take-down order.)

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THE SAZERAC SHOW – with Ian McEwan

sazerac show slug_small_IMG_2475THE SAZERAC SHOW
With Ian McEwan
(“The Drunken Scientist”)

“Ask a Drunken Scientist!”  That’s what we wanted to do.  Don’t ask us why, because we have no reasonable explanation, but fortunately for us, we found Ian McEwan, and after a few cocktails he was willing to answer all of our questions from quantum theory to climate-change deniers to whether the U.S.S. Enterprise could beat up an Imperial Star Destroyer.

We also get into the history of the Sazerac cocktail, a sweet-and-herbal rye concoction invented in 1800s New Orleans ostensibly as a way for a local pharmacist to sell his bitters.  (Man, have we really gotten that cynical?)  If you ever wondered how Peycahud’s bitters got their start, listen up here.

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!

DRINK ALONG AT HOME
The Sazerac

  • 2 oz Rye.
  • 1/2 oz simple syrup or 1 sugar cube.
  • 2-3 dashes Peychaud’s Bitters.
  • About 1/2 oz Absinthe — or Herbsaint — to rinse the glass.
  • Lemon peel for garnish.
  • Ice

Tradition has it the Sazerac is created in two old-fashioned glasses.  Chill one glass by filling it with ice.  In the other, mash the sugar cube up with a few dashes of bitters (or just use simple syrup if mashing doesn’t agree with you.)  Add the rye stir.  In the other glass, get rid of the ice and give it a rinse of absinthe.  Herbsaint will work if you can’t find absinthe, though let’s face it, if you can get your hands on Herbsaint, you can probably find absinthe with no trouble.  Pour the rye mixture into the glass and add ice.  Garnish with a lemon peel.  Serve.  Drink.  Repeat.

By the way, when choosing a rye, you do not need to use the “official” Sazerac brand rye.  Any smooth rye will do, or even an angry rye if you’re in the mood.

Original Brandy Sazerac Variant
The Sazerac was originally made with brandy, so it’s can be a fun experiment to mix one up  using the classic wine spirit instead of rye.  If you do, halve the amount of sugar or simple syrup you use, because brandy is sweet enough as it is.  Serve with a sense of historical smugness.

Thanks to Topline Wine for the Rye Report!
www.toplinewine.com

Get your Peychaud’s Bitters!

And here’s a link to The Lawnmower Man, because you must never forget this chapter of our cinematic heritage.

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Short: 1990s – (Redeeming) THE APPLETINI

AOD_1990s_Appletini_show_slug_small_IMG_1985Short: 1990s – (Redeeming) The Appletini
with the Army of Drunks!

Ah, the 1990s!  A time of transition between the sugary concoctions of the 80s and the more mature cocktails of times to come.  Where candy-flavored “bullshitinis” ruled the high-end drink menus of bars all over America.  We dive face-first into the Jolly Rancher-green Appletini and survive.  How?  Through the ingenuity of MixMa$ter Therm and his genuinely-worthy Apple Martini recipe.  Along the way, we get to know the drink nobody wants to take credit for, except maybe some guy named Adam Carston.  Listen and be amazed!  (NSFW as always.)

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Classic Bullshit Appletini Recipe That Will Make You Popular With College Kids

  • 2 parts vodka
  • 1 part sour apple pucker
  • 3 parts shame (If genuine shame is available, you should not be serving this drink.)
  • Apple slice for garnish

Put all ingredients in a shaker with ice.  Shake.  Pour toxic green mixture in glass.  Garnish with apple slice.  Serve to under-age sorority girl.  Drink.  Realize what you’ve done.  Cry bitter tears.  Scrape sugar from lips.

The MixMa$ter Therm Variation That’s Genuinely Good

  • 4 parts vodka
  • 1 part calvados
  • 1 part unfiltered apple juice
  • 1/2 part cointreau
  • Apple slice for garnish

Put all ingredients in a shaker with ice.  (Except the apple slice.  It’s a garnish, and you’re smarter than that, friend.)  Shake like you mean it.  Pour into a chilled glass.  Garnish with the apple.  Sip confidently knowing you’ve graduated to the next level, and those green Appletini Goblins can never hurt you again.

Finally, Who the F*** is Adam Carston?
http://bfy.tw/tQZ

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THE GIN AND TONIC SHOW – with the Coachella Hippos

AOD Gin and Tonic Show Slug_small_ IMG_1812THE GIN AND TONIC SHOW
With the Coachella Hippos: Vanessa Bonet and Derek Doublin

Summer is coming, and how better to beat back the heat and the malaria-infected mosquitos than with the classic Gin and Tonic?  We dive into the history of the cocktail that kept the British Empire alive and well and pointing guns at East Indians since the 1800s!   And we dive into the variants of botanical gin, tonic, and weird vegetation to stick in the glass.  We also talk with the creators of the strangest, most talked-about phenomenon at Coachella after Madonna’s bad-touch on Drake: The Hippo Corporate Headquarters.  Co-creators Derek Doublin and our own Vanessa “Spork” Bonet take you behind the scenes of the three-story office block populated by out-of-control Hippo businessmen.  Also, we play “Hippo or Axl Rose!”  Can you guess which one helicopters its feces?

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!

DRINK ALONG AT HOME
The Gin and Tonic

  • Gin – How much?  Less than the tonic.  (See below.)
  • Tonic Water – How much?  More than the gin.  (See below.)
  • Ice
  • Garnish (Lime, Cucumber, Basil leaf, etc.)

We won’t lie.  There seems to be no agreement on the exact ration of gin to tonic in a classic gin and tonic cocktail.  Some suggest 2 oz. gin to 5 oz. tonic water.  Others say 3 oz. gin to 4 oz. tonic water.  Some say just start with a highball glass, throw in some ice, pour in as much gin as you can handle, then fill the rest with tonic water and get on with the drinking.  MixMa$ter Therm settled on a 2:1 tonic:gin ratio, but in this rare case, his numbers aren’t strictly definitive.  We suggest playing around until you find what makes you happy, then enforcing that recipe on your friends.  If they don’t like it, they can make their own damn drinks.

However, like any highball cocktail, the directions are simple.  Start with the ice, add the booze, pour in the mixer and garnsih with the garnishable.  Stir if you feel like doing it right.

GIN AND TONIC VARIANTS!
The biggest determining factor in the flavor of a gin and tonic are the ingredients.  Sure, the well gin and hose-delivered tonic water at your local bar is fine during happy hour, but if you want to really get into the drink, you should spend a little more time picking out your liquids.  Dry gins vs. botanical gins really affect the flavor, and these days you’re not stuck with just your cruddy supermarket tonic water.

You also don’t need to stick to the traditional lime garnish.  “Gin and Tonic” bars are popular in Europe, and they like to mix things up with cucumbers, mint leaves, even grapes.  (Why grapes?  We don’t know.  Maybe Europe knows something we don’t.)

Regardless, here are some variants we tried on the show:

  • Bombay Dry gin (a dry gin, obviously), Fever Tree tonic water (a more flavorful tonic), lime wedge.
  • Hendricks gin (a botanical gin), Q tonic water (a dry tonic water), cucumber spear.
  • Junipero gin (a botanical gin), Fever Tree bitter lemon, basil leaf.  (Really.)

By the way, here’s a Gin and Tonic list from a bar in Iceland.
Icelandic Gin and Tonic List
And amazon has this pretty nice Fever Tree sampler set if you’re interested in sticking your face in what Fever Tree has to offer.

HIPPO CORPORATE HEADQUARTERS

If you missed Hippo Corporate HQ out at Coachella, here’s a whole pile of press!

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/lists/coachella-2015-best-things-we-saw-20150413/best-art-installation-corporate-headquarters-20150413

http://www.latimes.com/entertainment/music/la-et-ms-coachella-hippos-20150417-story.html#page=1

http://www.laweekly.com/music/whats-it-like-to-be-a-hippo-inside-corporate-headquarters-at-coachella-5504900

http://www.desertsun.com/story/life/entertainment/music/coachella/2015/04/12/coachella-hippo-art-installation-art/25696007/

And a few disturbing photos:
PHOTO: Timothy Norris, LA WeeklyPhoto: Jon AllowayHippo Party photo by Eric TrueheartHippo Gone WildDerek and Vanessa

OH, AND HERE’S THE CURSED HOTEL CECIL
https://roadtrippers.com/stories/the-history-of-the-cecil-hotel-is-so-dark-and-gory-that-some-say-all-600-rooms-are-cursed?lat=40.83044&lng=-96.70166&z=5 

hotel cecil for shirt article-2281485-182655DB000005DC-70_634x424

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Short: 1970s – THE HARVEY WALLBANGER

AOD_Wallbanger_show_slug_small_IMG_1614Short: 1970s – The Harvey Wallbanger
with the full Army of Drunks

Return with us to the 1970s —  an era of bell-bottoms, key parties, and generally terribly cocktails — to discover the Harvey Wallbanger, the most refreshing summer drink with the most fictionalized history in all of bartending.  The Army of Drunks asks the burning question: How can a cocktail made of so many lies take so damn delicious?

We also delve into the cocktail’s inherent dichotomy:  Is Wallbanger is a girlie drink or a manly drink?  And play along at home as Eric challenges everyone to “Real Cocktail or Real Canadian?”  (Note: We clearly lost track of the score.  Sorry about that.  We were drunk.)

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_1970s_Harvey_Wallbanger_Show_1-2.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Harvey Wallbanger

  • 1 1/2 oz. (3 parts) vodka
  • 3 oz (6 parts) orange juice
  • 1/2 oz (1 part) Galliano (a.k.a. Liquore Galliano L’Autentico, if you want to be that way.)

Stir the vodka, orange juice and ice in a highball glass.  Float the Galliano on the top.  Garnish with an orange slice and serve outside on the lawn.

(Optional: Place all car keys in a bowl.  Blindly draw a set of keys from said bowl.  Match the keys with the car-owner.  Have awkward “swinging” sex with that person.)

FOR HISTORICAL REFERENCE: AN ORIGINAL “HARVEY WALLBANGER” SALES POSTER
(See what me mean about “Meth-Head Ziggy?”)
Harvey Wallbanger Poster

AND GRAB YOUR STRANGELY-UNRELATED WALLBANGER MERCH NOW!

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Short: 1950s – THE BLACK RUSSIAN

AOD_Black Russian_slug_small_IMG_1288Short: 1950s – The Black Russian
with Katie Massa and The Municipal Bloodbank Players*

“Drink-a-Decade” enters the cold war with a cocktail created for the amabssador of Luxembourg.  (Seriously.)

It’s the Black Russian, a drink so sweet and delicious you’ll forget it was born under the shadow of two great super-powers who hoped to destroy each other.  Learn about the White Russian and other far-less-drinkable variations that you really don’t want to try.  We also delve into the burning question of “Salve or ointment?” and also reveal where the hell Spork has been hiding all this time.  (Spoiler: It’s all about the Coachella Hippos.)  And we play “Black Russian, Bond Villain or Porn Star!”

*The Municipal Bloodbank Players do not actually appear in this show.

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_1950s_Black_Russian_Show.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Black Russian Cocktail

  • 5 parts vodka
  • 2 parts Kahlua or other coffee liqueur

Mix everything in a glass with ice and stir gently.  Really, it’s that simple.  And to make a White Russian, just add 3 parts half-and-half.  (Or commercial “Mocha Mix” if you want to go the full Lebowski.)

AND HERE’S THE WIKIPEDIA ENTRY ON THE WOMAN WHO INSPIRED THE COCKTAIL ITSELF
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perle_Mesta

Ain’t history grand?

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Short: 1940s – THE HURRICANE


AoD_1940s_Hurricane_slug_smal_IMG_1270Short: 1940s – The Hurricane
with Katie Massa and Jason Berlin

“Drink-a-Decade” pulls into your harbor with the cocktail that was given away free to sailors!

It’s the Hurricane!  Drink yourself back to WWII-era New Orleans, when scotch was rare, and rum was flowing like seamen on shore-leave.  Discover the fruity-as-fuck concoction that made drinking in the streets famous.  We also discuss the New Jersey marschino cherrijuana bust.  And Katie Massa vomits into Jason Berlin’s mouth like a momma bird*  (NSFW as always.)

*Katie Massa does not vomit into anyone’s mouth.

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_1940s_Hurricane_Show.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Hurricane Cocktail – The Army of Drunks version

Let’s start by saying there doesn’t seem to be any agreement on how this cocktail is made. Some recipes use passion fruit juice, others insist on passion fruit syrup (good luck finding that at your local Walmart).  We started with the following recipe, but found that it was too damn sweet.  MixMa$ter Therm modified it to exclude the simple syrup, and that’s what we settled on before we passed out.  It’s a good-enough system for determining success.

  • 2oz light rum
  • 2oz dark tum
  • 2oz passion fruit juice
  • 1 oz orange juice
  • Juice of half a lime
  • 1 tsp simple syrup (though we like it better without it.)
  • 1 tsp grenadine
  • Orange slice and cherry for garnish
  • Ice

As usual, pour every last liquid thing in a cocktail shaker with ice and shake it like you mean it.  Pour into a hurricane glass over ice.  You do have a hurricane glass, don’t you?

NEED A HURRICANE GLASS?

MIXMA$TER THERM DRESSES FOR AUDIO!
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Semi-authentic 40’s garb!

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Short: 1930s – THE BROWN DERBY

AoD_1930s_Brown_Derby_Slug_small_IMG_0408Short: 1930s – The Brown Derby
with Katie Massa and Jason Berlin

“Drink-a-Decade” rolls on like a runaway freight train that only smashes a stalled-out schoolbus once every two weeks!

Drink your way back to the Golden Age of Hollywood with the Brown Derby, a delightful blend of whiskey, grapefruit and honey that was possibly invented by Douglas Fairbanks, but definitely made famous in a giant hat.  Also, Jason Berlin spills the beans on his Evil Grandma Betty, and Katie Massa punches-out a raccoon!* (NSFW as always.)

*Katie Massa does not punch-out a raccoon.

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_1930s_Brown_Derby_Show_1-2.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Brown Derby Cocktail

  • 1.5 oz Bourbon
  • 1 oz Fresh grapefruit juice (or from a jar, if you must, but don’t used that sweetened stuff)
  • 1/2 oz Honey syrup (like simple syrup, but with honey.  1 part honey, 1 part water, and hey, you can even make it on the fly if you’re that kind of lazy*)

Put all ingredients in a cocktail shaker.  Shake.  Pour into glass, martini-shaped or otherwise.  Garnish with citrus peel of choice (except lime).  Drink.  Pretend you’re Douglas Fairbanks or Carole Lombard.  Drink more.  Become convinced you’re Douglas Fairbanks or Carole Lombard.

*But don’t be that kind of lazy.  It’s embarrassing.

DRUNK BOOK ALERT!
Once again, we referenced the Savoy Cocktail book in our show.  If you don’t own it, you should buy it now.  That’s an order.

 

And MixMa$ter Therm Goes All-30’s and Gets Dressed-Up for Radio!
Which is more dedication than you ever showed.
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Finally, a Depressing Photo of Brown Derby Plaza
And a link to the Yelp review of their apparently-shitty valet parking.
derby_plaza2007

http://www.yelp.com/biz/brown-derby-plaza-valet-los-angeles

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THE BLUE HAWAII(an) SHOW – with the Army of Drunks

AOD blue hawaiian show slug_small IMG_2668THE BLUE HAWAII(an) SHOW
With the Army of Drunks

What’s the difference between a Blue Hawaii and a Blue Hawaiian?  Not much!  But the difference could save your life!!*  Listen as the Army dives face-first into the drink that arguably started Tiki culture in America.  Also, we once again thank the good people of Florida for Booze News!  No guest in this archive show, just the Army of Drunks getting loaded for the good of our country.

*This difference will probably not save your life.

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_Blue_Hawaii_Show_1-2.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME
The Blue Hawaii Cocktail

  • 3/4 oz. Light Rum
  • 3/4 oz. Vodka
  • 1/2 oz. Blue Curacao
  • 3 oz. Pineapple Juice
  • 1 oz. Sweet & Sour Mix (Making your own is better, and not that hard.)
  • A cherry, a wedge of pineapple, and one of those tiny umbrellas. (If you want to do it right.)

Combine all the liquid ingredients (not the fruit and the umbrella, asshat) in a cocktail shaker, or blend in a blender (or anything else that blends) with ice.  Serve in an appropriately Tiki-like glass.  Stab the fruit with the umbrella and garnish.  Drink.  Think of simpler times.

And the Blue Hawaiian Cocktail

  • 3/4 oz. Light Rum
  • 3/4 oz. Vodka
  • 1/2 oz. Blue Curacao
  • 3 oz. Pineapple Juice
  • 1 oz. Cream of Coconut
  • A cherry, a wedge of pineapple, and one of those tiny umbrellas. (Seriously, do we have to explain this?)

Spend a long time in the grocery store looking for cream of coconut, until you remember it’s not coconut milk.  Combine all the liquid ingredients in a cocktail shaker, or blend in a blender with ice.  Pour in a Tiki glass.  Add the garnish.  Remark on how much more dessert-like it is than the other drink.

And the Army of Drunks original Blue Hawaiish™ Cocktail

  • 3/4 oz. Light Rum
  • 3/4 oz. Vodka
  • 1/2 oz. Blue Curacao
  • 3 oz. Pineapple Juice
  • 1/2 oz. Cream of Coconut
  • 1/2 oz. Sweet & Sour Mix
  • A cherry, a wedge of pineapple, and… blah blah blah…

Combine all the ingredients in a thingie.  Pour into mouth-hole.  Strum ukulele.

And here’s MixMa$ter Therm in his snazzy tuxedo!

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THE COSMOPOLITAN SHOW – with Jackie Monahan

AOD_Cosmo_show_IMG_0236_smallTHE COSMOPOLITAN SHOW
With Jackie Monahan
and Special Guest-Spork Katie Massa

In honor of both Valentine’s Day and Lincoln’s Birthday, we investigate the Cosmopolitan cocktail, the drink made famous as the biggest “girlie” drink of the last decade.  But is it more “gay” than “girlie?”  And does that even matter to an evolved drunk such as yourself?   We also sit down with comedienne Jackie Monahan, who tells us what it’s like to be a “lesbian comedian” who starts dating a guy.  Plus, guest Spork Katie Massa, pantsless booze news, and Shaw has the conch!*  (Very NSFW, very LGBT-friendly!)

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_Cosmopolitan_Show_1-2.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Cosmopolitan Cocktail

  • 1 1/2  oz vodka (or vodka citron, or your own citrus- infused vodka if you’re MixMa$ter Therm)
  • 1/2 oz Rose’s® lime juice (or fresh-squeezed lime juice if you’re MixMa$ter Therm)
  • 1/2 oz cranberry juice (or unfiltered cranberry juice plus simple syrup if you’re MixMa$ter Therm)
  • 1/2 oz triple sec (or Contreau if you’re MixMa$ter Therm, or you weren’t raised behind a free clinic)

Put all ingredients in a shaker.  Shake like you mean it.  Pour into a martini glass.  Garnish with lemon slice or orange slice.  Pretend “Sex in the City” is still on the air.

CHECK OUT JACKIE’S SITE
http://www.jackiemonahan.com

AND WATCH JACKIE’S MOVIES ON AMAZON VIDEO

AND CHECK OUT KATIE MASSA’S SITE
http://www.katiemassa.com

AND BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU MIGHT NEED IT
http://www.hsfreeclinic.org

*Who got the Lord of the Flies reference?  Anyone?  Your junior high english teacher would be proud.

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THE EGGNOG SHOW – with Derek Jones

AOD Egg Nog Show Slug_small_IMG_3233

THE ARMY OF DRUNKS
EGGNOG SHOW
with Derek Jones

Learn about the history of Christmas’ biggest egg-and-dairy-based alcoholic tradition, and why some folks like to leave their nog out before they get their nog on.  Comedian Derek Jones tells us about Los Angeles’ biggest Ugly Sweater Party, and how a Moose takes a mistress.  Also, we play “Name That Sex Act” holiday edition, and find out What’s in Shaw’s Craw!

Subscribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen direct here:

 

FOLLOW DEREK JONES ON TWITTER
https://twitter.com/tooderek

DEREK’S UGLY SWEATER PARTY
https://www.facebook.com/EastCoastFamilyChristmas

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
THE ARMY OF DRUNKS EGGNOG TROUGH
(A recipe bastardized from Alton Brown and Martha Stewart.)
NOTE: This recipe can be cut in half, or a third, if you just don’t have enough friends to consume it all, and if you’re a fan of our podcast, you probably don’t.

  • 12 egg yolks
  • 1 cup, plus 3 tablespoons sugar
  • 1 & 1/2 quarts whole milk
  • 3 cups heavy cream
  • 1 tablespoon freshly grated nutmeg
  • 12 egg whites (to save for servin’ time)
  • 1 cup bourbon
  • 1/2 cup dark rum
  • 1/2 cup brandy or congnac

DIRECTIONS
In the bowl of a stand mixer, beat the egg yolks until they lighten in color.  Gradually add the 1/3 cup sugar and continue to beat until it is completely dissolved.  Add the milk, cream, booze and nutmeg and stir to combine.  Then let age for six months if you have time, maybe overnight if you don’t.

When it comes time to serve the glorious nog, place the egg whites in the bowl of a stand mixer and beat to soft peaks.  With the mixer still running gradually add the 1 tablespoon of sugar and beat until stiff peaks form. Whisk the egg whites into the mixture.  Chill and serve.  (Though you should have chilled it *way* before now.  If you aged your eggnog by leaving it by the fireplace, start over.)

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Nuts being megged by MixMa$ter Therm.

GEORGE WASHINGTON’S EGGNOG RECIPE
“One quart cream, one quart milk, one dozen tablespoons sugar, one pint brandy, 1/2 pint rye whiskey, 1/2 pint Jamaica rum, 1/4 pint sherry—mix liquor first, then separate yolks and whites of eggs, add sugar to beaten yolks, mix well. Add milk and cream, slowly beating. Beat whites of eggs until stiff and fold slowly into mixture. Let set in cool place for several days. Taste frequently.”  Historians believe he used a dozen eggs.  Why?  Because freedom.

PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE OF INJURED POLISH SANTA
£££-A-drunk-Santa

OUR SHAMEFUL EGGNOG CONSUMPTION
Before:
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After:
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SHO(r)T – Bitters no. 1

bitters_slug_small_IMG_3246

THE ARMY OF DRUNKS SHO(r)T – BITTERS (the first)
With Taylor and Jeremy from Bitter Tears.

We’ll be back with a full show next week, but in the mean time learn all about bitters — and bitterness — with Taylor and Jeremy from Bitter Tears as we get drunk on the “Pork and Beans” cocktail, unearth Taylor’s Aunt’s torrid affair with Charles Bukowski, and learn that little ice cubes are for punk-ass chumps.  (NSFW, as usual)

Subscribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen on our host site!

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
THE PORK AND BEANS

  • 2 oz Bulleit Bourbon (or any brand you hold regrets over)
  • 3/4 oz Copa de Oro Coffee Liqueur
  • 4 pulls Bitter Tears “Ms. Piggy” Peppercorn Bacon bitters

PREPARATION
Combine bourbon, coffee liqueur and bitters in a mixing glass half filled with ice. Gently stir until chilled and properly diluted, about 20 seconds.  Julep train into a chilled coupe or cocktail glass.  Drink while thinking of what might have been.

BITTER TEARS can be found at:
http://www.bittertears.la/

And look for their pop-up bar at Bitchcraft Los Angeles.
https://www.facebook.com/events/736282523074071/

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SHO(r)T – The Green Hawaii

green_hawaiian_slug_01_smallTHE ARMY OF DRUNKS SHO(r)T – THE GREEN HAWAII

An Army of Drunks Original Cocktail For No Reason

Yes, the Army is releasing a “Short” or “Shot” or whateveryouwannacallit as we get in sync with the holidays.  Tonight we try an original cocktail: The Green Hawaii.  Why?  Because nothing says “aloha” like absinthe!  We also take an uncomfortably long time to sign off.  Mahalo, mofos!

(NSFW as always.)

Subscribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen on our host site!

 

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
THE GREEN HAWAII

  • 3/4 oz. Light Rum
  • 3/4 oz. Vodka
  • 1/2 oz. Absinthe
  • 3 oz. Pineapple Juice
  • 1 oz. Sweet & Sour Mix

Glass Type: Cthulhu-themed Tiki Mug or any vessel that’s been cursed by dark forces and chilled for an hour.

PREPARATION
Combine all ingredients in a cocktail shaker or blender.  If using cocktail shaker, blend!  If using blender, shake!  Pour into glass.  Garnish with tiny black cocktail umbrella.  Enjoy on beach while writing poem about ravens, vampires or death.

 

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THE MOSCOW MULE SHOW – with Rikki Simons and Richard Horvitz

AOD Moscow Mule Image text
THE ARMY OF DRUNKS

MOSCOW MULE SHOW
With guests character actors Richard  Horvitz and Rikki Simons.

Dismember your childhoold as cartoon voice actors Richard Horvitz and Rikki Simons — from Nickeldoeon’s “Invader ZIM” — get loaded on the Moscow Mule.  Learn the history of a cocktail created in secret by a beverage cabal.  Hear True Tales of Convention Horror.  Then play “Name that Sex Act” with TV’s GIR!  (NSFW, obviously.)

Subscribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen here!

 

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
THE MOSCOW MULE

  • 1/2 ounce lime juice
  • 2 ounces vodka
  • 4 to 6 ounces ginger beer (not ginger ale, you child.)
  • Ice (obviously)

Glass Type:  Copper mug, if you’re that kind of completist.  Collins glass, otherwise.

PREPARATION
Squeeze lime juice into a copper mug* and toss in the spent lime if you’re feeling badass.  Add ice cubes, then vodka and fill the remainder with ginger beer.  Stir with an appropriate object and serve with an icy stare.

* If you don’t have a genuine copper Moscow Mule mug, just throw a few pennies into a regular glass** for “that ol’ copper tongue.”

** This is a terrible idea, and we don’t recommend you do it, ever.   But hey, drop us an e-mail if you do.

OUR VALUED GUESTS:
http://www.rikkisimons.com/
http://www.richardhorvitz.com/

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