cocktails

THE SUFFERING BASTARD SHOW – with The Performer Known as T.J.

THE SUFFERING BASTARD SHOW
with The Performer Known as T.J.
Former D!sney Costumed Character

“Who’s easier to kick in the nuts: Tigger or Captain Hook?”

Ever go to a big-time theme park and wonder just who the poor suffering bastard is inside the Tigger costume?  Well, now you can find out!

Meet T.J., a man who spent years as a character performer at D!sney World, and doesn’t mind talking about it.  (But we’re worried the Mouse might come after us, so we’re spelling it “D!sney,” just to fool the Googlers.  That Mouse plays hardball, man.)

Meanwhile, we get drunk on the Suffering Bastard cocktail, the hangover cure made so famous during WWII, that General Rommel himself wanted to invade Cairo to get one. *

*This is only sort-of true.

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DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Suffering Bastard

  • 1 oz Gin
  • 1 oz Bourbon (or Brandy, depending on how old-school you’re feeling)
  • 1 tsp Fresh Lime Juice (or sweetened, depending on how sweet you’re feeling)
  • 2 dashes Angostura Bitters
  • Ginger Ale (or ginger beer, depending on how ginger you’re feeling)
  • Mint Leaves to garnish (or a cherry, or a lemon slice, depending on how garnished you’re feeling)

Combine the booze, the lime juice and the bitters in a cocktail shaker, and shake well with ice.  (Hey, put the ice in first, that’s how they usually do it.)   Strain into an ice-fulled highball or collins glass, and then top it off with ginger ale.  Mint leaves are the traditional garnish, but we like a cherry for the more tropical feel.  Look, garnish is a personal thing, like hats.

Bastard-creator Joe Scialom also went on to create two more drinks, the Dying Bastard and the Dead Bastard.  Each just contained greater combinations of alcohol.  We can’t vouch for them, but for historical and academic purposes, we present the recipes here as we found them.*  As with the Suffering, use a cocktail shaker, etc. etc.

The Dying Bastard

  • 1/2 ounce gin
  • 1/2 ounce bourbon
  • 1/2 ounce brandy
  • 1/2 ounce lime juice (cordial)
  • 4 ounces ginger beer
  • 2 dashes Angustora bitters

The Dead Bastard

  • 1/2 ounce gin
  • 1/2 ounce bourbon
  • 1/2 ounce brandy
  • 1/2 ounce rum (light)
  • 1/2 ounce lime juice (cordial)
  • 4 ounces ginger beer
  • 1 dash Angustora bitters

As for why the Dead Bastard takes it easy on the bitters, we have no idea.

*That is to say, with a Google search.

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THE ZIGGY STARDUST SHOW (REDUX) – David Bowie Tribute w/ Andy Hermann

THE ZIGGY STARDUST SHOW
With Andy Hermann
Music editor for the Los Angeles Weekly

It’s August, and since everyone in Southern California fucks off to pastures new, we’re re-running one of our favorite shows.

In celebration of the groundbreaking alien rock star, the Drunks present a tribute show with L.A Weekly music editor Andy Hermann while drinking the Ziggy Stardust, a drink as complex as Bowie himself.  (And the first Army of Drunks cocktail that could actually burn the place down.)

WARNING: We get loaded, pretentious, and all-kinds-of-serious about Bowie and his music, but we still have plenty of comedy-ha-ha-good-times as Spork recounts her tale of getting pelted with eggs in Havana on New Years Eve, we play “Bowie or Bizkit,” and we delve deep to find out what’s in Shaw’s craw.

Oh, and for those of you Bowie virgins out there, don’t worry, Buck gives his list of where to start listening.  (Or go ahead and worry.  See if we care.)  But you can scroll down to buy the albums on our Amazon Store.

(And the show is NSFW as always.)

Subscribe on iTunes!
Subscribe on Stitcher!
Tip Us on Patreon!

Or listen directly here!

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Ziggy Stardust

  • 4 oz Vodka
  • 1 oz Creme de Violette
  • 2 dashes Orange Bitters
  • 1/2 oz Goldschlager
  • Sprinkle of Cinnamon
  • Fire

Combine vodka, violette and bitters in a cocktail shaker with ice.  Shake and pour into a martini glass.  Pour the Goldschlager into a shot glass and light on fire.  Sprinkle cinnamon over the flame and watch it sparkle like Ziggy Stardust himself.  Then pour into a glass and drink, reminding yourself that the world is over four billion years old, and you were lucky enough to live at the same time as David Bowie.

The Ziggy Stardust in Progress. Notice the heart-shaped flame. (photo by Kevin Rolly)
The Ziggy Stardust in Progress. Notice the heart-shaped flame. (photo by Kevin Rolly)

OUR HONORED GUEST
Andy Hermann is the kick-ass music editor for the Los Angeles weekly.  Read more about him here.

Andy’s listicle tribute to David Bowie — 10 Reasons Why David Bowie Was Our Weirdest Rock Star — is here.

AND WE ALSO TALKED ABOUT…
Ann Power’s NPR piece on David Bowie — Reflections of a Bowie Girl — can be found here.

Henry Rollins’ L.A. Weekly review of Bowie’s Blackstar is definitely worth a look here.

DAVID BOWIE’S MUSIC
We mentioned a few albums on the show, and Buck’s list of the three albums to start on are:
Hunky Dory (1971)
The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars (1972)
Aladdin Sane (1973)
To that, Andy added:
Let’s Dance (1983)
That oughtta get you started.  We also discussed:
David Bowie (1967) his first album
Blackstar (2016) his final album

All of this is available in the Drunken Music section of the Army of Drunks Amazon store.  GO THERE NOW!

AS PROMISED, HERE’S A PICTURE OF SPORK IN THE STREETS OF HAVANA ON NEW YEARS

DSC00566
Spork Represents the USA in Havana on New Years.

FINALLY, A RARE PHOTO OF THE DRUNKS IN THEIR NATURAL HABITAT.

The Drunks in their Natural Habitat. (left to right, Shaft, Buck Down, Spork, Matt Shaw, guest Andy Hermann, MixMa$ter Therm. Photo by Kevin Rolly.)
left to right, Shaft, Buck Down, Spork, Matt Shaw, guest Andy Hermann, MixMa$ter Therm. (photo by Kevin Rolly.)

show copyright ©2016, Army of Drunks

 

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SUMMER TIKI SPECIAL 2016

SUMMER TIKI SPECIAL 2016
Featuring the Mai Tai and Singapore Sling
With Comedian Katie Massa
Subscribe on iTunes here!

It’s August!  What better time for lounging by the pool and getting drunk as a Hawaiian sunset?  We’ve been away for a while, but before this long hot summer passes into misty memory, the Drunks have brought you an extra special, extra-extended parade of TIKI, damn it!

We plumb the Pacific depths of the only genre of cocktails spawned from a theme restaurant.  Learn how Don the Beachcomber unwittingly founded the Tiki movement in pre-WWII California, and how competitor Trader Vic took it nation-wide from — believe it nor not — Oakland.   Then learn the history of the MAI TAI, the flagship tiki cocktail, and the SINGAPORE SLING, an outside-the-Polynesian-triangle addition to the tiki pantheon.

Matt Shaw also tells us about his distillery tour of Scotland.  Yes, someone let Matt Shaw loose in the land where they make scotch.  Katie Massa tells us how People are Horrible™. Buck expounds on what it means to get “Tiki Drunk.”   We solve the urgent riddle of Zsa Zsa Gabor: alive or dead? And we play “Name That Sex Act: Trump Edition.”  (NSFW as always.)

Subscribe on iTunes here!

Or listen directly here!

BUT FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS!  THIS GODDAMN BOOK!
Before we go too far, this is the flat-out amazing Tiki book we referenced during the show, Smuggler’s Cove by Martin Cate and Rebecca Cate.  It goes deep into the kelp on the true origins of all the Polynesian cocktails you sort-of know and think you probably would love if you could only try one.   It also contains the ORIGINAL MAI TAI recipe we tried.  (We’d post it here, but we don’t want to deny Martin & Rebecca their hard-earned book royalties.)   If you love Tiki as much as you love life itself, or even slightly less, go buy it right now!

And if you need your bad self some good Tiki mugs, we used this plucky little set.

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Mai Tai!

  • 1 oz (2 tablespoons) dark rum
  • 1 oz (2 tablespoons) amber rum
  • 2 tablespoons fresh orange juice
  • 1/2 oz (1 tablespoon) Cointreau (or triple sec or Curaçao)
  • 1 tablespoon fresh lime juice
  • 1 teaspoon orgeat syrup  (or 1 drop pure almond extract)
  • 1 teaspoon superfine granulated sugar
  • Dash of grenadine
  • Garnish: an orange slice, or Lime rind and mint sprig

Shake all of the ingredients with ice, pour into a highball glass with a straw.  Or a tiki glass, or a Tiki mug if you want to go full-Tiki.

Note: Martin Cate suggests you add the juice of half a fresh lime after the pour, to keep it from over-liming the whole drink.  YMMV.  There’s also some debate over the proper garnish.  Apparently the classic Mai Tai uses a mint sprig with the lime rind, while the more modern Tiki-slinger can go with an orange slice, or any of the usual Tiki umbrella/fruit combos.

DRINK MORE AT HOME!
The Singapore Sling!

  • 1 1⁄2 ounces gin
  • 1⁄2 ounce cherry heering
  • 1⁄4 ounce Cointreau liqueur
  • 1⁄4 ounce benedictine
  • 4 ounces pineapple juice
  • 1⁄2 ounce lime juice
  • 1⁄3 ounce grenadine
  • 1 dash bitters

Shake all ingredients in a shaker with shakable ice.  Strain into a highball glass or Tiki mug.  Garnish with whatever festive Tiki regalia you have at your disposal.  (But anything involving pineapple never hurts.)

FINALLY, THE COCONUT!
From the Gentleman Callers of Los Angeles

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THE COBBLER SHOW – with James Slay

The Army of Drunks Cobbler ShowTHE COBBLER SHOW
With James Slay
Actual Goddamn Bartender

We should have done this a long time ago. This week the Army of Drunks sits down with an actual goddamn bartender to hear what life is like behind the counter.   Warning: it can suck to be on the other side of you when you’re ordering a drink.

While we hear war stories from behind the bar, we investigate the Cobbler, the first American cocktail to take the world by storm in the 18th century, thanks two the combination of sherry, ice and — believe it or goddamn not — the invention of the straw.  Listen as we get old-tymie loaded on both the original Sherry Cobbler, which liked you’d expect is made with sherry, and the D Cobbler, which upgrades to whiskey and ginger ale.  (NSFW as always.)

Subscribe on iTunes here!

Or Listen Directly here!

During the show, James educates us on William Schmidt, one of the first cocktail book authors in America.  In fact, here he is!  Look into his steely, whiskey-burned gaze as you think about what booze awaits you.

IMG_0139
William Stinkin’ Schmidt!

 

 

 

Remember, William is an innocent, but his mustache stands in judgement of you and all you’ve done… or failed to do… in this life.

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Narragansett Cobbler

  • Whole Peel of Orange
  • Juice of one Orange
  • One “jigger” whiskey (we used Canadian whiskey)
  • One Bottle of Ginger Ale (though you won’t need the whole thing)
  • Cracked Ice
  • Berries to Garnish this Sucker
  • A Paper Straw (if you’re going to be traditional about it)
If you’re going to be a badass like MixMa$ter Therm, start by taking off the entire peel of one orange in one piece.  Good luck with that.  Put the peel artfully spiraled in a collins glass.  Add the juice of the orange, a jigger of whiskey, fill the rest with ice, and top off with ginger ale.  Then garnish it with berries, because it makes you look all-Martha-Stewart ‘n’ shit.  (And really, it makes the drink look gorgeous.) Drink through a straw, a paper one if you’re going to be historically accurate.
AND AS LONG AS YOU’RE SIPPING HISTORY, ALSO TRY…
The Sherry Cobbler
  • 4 oz. Dry Sherry (everyone says go for amantillado)
  • 1/2 tsp simple syrup or 1 tbs sugar
  • 2 or 3 Orange Slices
  • Cracked Ice
  • Berries and/or Mint to Garnish it to Glory
  • A Goddamn Paper Straw
Muddle the orange slices and the sugar/syrup in a mixing glass.  Add the sherry and ice, then shake like a bucking mule.  Strain into a collins glass over more cracked ice.  Garnish that sucker with berries and a paper straw.  Pretend you’re in The Music Man.

BUY WILLIAM SCHMIDT’S BOOK!

AND CHECK OUT THE CAPGUN HOLDUPS!

SOME GODDAMN PHOTOS FROM THE RECORDING SESSION – ORANGE SLAUGHTER & SUPER MARIO!

Therm and the Mobius Peel.

IMG_0124

Special Guest Super Mario!

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THE ZIGGY STARDUST SHOW – with Andy Hermann

AOD_Ziggy_Stardus_slug_small_OriginalPhoto-474781043.117197THE ZIGGY STARDUST SHOW
With Andy Hermann
Music editor for the Los Angeles Weekly

Yes, unless you’ve been buried under a man who fell to earth for the past month, you know that David Bowie recently passed on to the great unknown.  In celebration of the groundbreaking alien rock star, the Drunks present a tribute show with L.A Weekly music editor Andy Hermann while drinking the Ziggy Stardust, a drink as complex as Bowie himself.  (And the first Army of Drunks cocktail that could actually burn the place down.)

WARNING: We get loaded, pretentious, and all-kinds-of-serious about Bowie and his music, but we still have plenty of comedy-ha-ha-good-times as Spork recounts her tale of getting pelted with eggs in Havana on New Years Eve, we play “Bowie or Bizkit,” and we delve deep to find out what’s in Shaw’s craw.

Oh, and for those of you Bowie virgins out there, don’t worry, Buck gives his list of where to start listening.  (Or go ahead and worry.  See if we care.)  But you can scroll down to buy the albums on our Amazon Store.

(And the show is NSFW as always.)

Subscribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Ziggy Stardust

  • 4 oz Vodka
  • 1 oz Creme de Violette
  • 2 dashes Orange Bitters
  • 1/2 oz Goldschlager
  • Sprinkle of Cinnamon
  • Fire

Combine vodka, violette and bitters in a cocktail shaker with ice.  Shake and pour into a martini glass.  Pour the Goldschlager into a shot glass and light on fire.  Sprinkle cinnamon over the flame and watch it sparkle like Ziggy Stardust himself.  Then pour into a glass and drink, reminding yourself that the world is over four billion years old, and you were lucky enough to live at the same time as David Bowie.

The Ziggy Stardust in Progress. Notice the heart-shaped flame. (photo by Kevin Rolly)
The Ziggy Stardust in Progress. Notice the heart-shaped flame. (photo by Kevin Rolly)

OUR HONORED GUEST
Andy Hermann is the kick-ass music editor for the Los Angeles weekly.  Read more about him here.

Andy’s listicle tribute to David Bowie — 10 Reasons Why David Bowie Was Our Weirdest Rock Star — is here.

AND WE ALSO TALKED ABOUT…
Ann Power’s NPR piece on David Bowie — Reflections of a Bowie Girl — can be found here.

Henry Rollins’ L.A. Weekly review of Bowie’s Blackstar is definitely worth a look here.

DAVID BOWIE’S MUSIC
We mentioned a few albums on the show, and Buck’s list of the three albums to start on are:
Hunky Dory (1971)
The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars (1972)
Aladdin Sane (1973)
To that, Andy added:
Let’s Dance (1983)
That oughtta get you started.  We also discussed:
David Bowie (1967) his first album
Blackstar (2016) his final album

All of this is available in the Drunken Music section of the Army of Drunks Amazon store.  GO THERE NOW!

AS PROMISED, HERE’S A PICTURE OF SPORK IN THE STREETS OF HAVANA ON NEW YEARS

DSC00566
Spork Represents the USA in Havana on New Years.

FINALLY, A RARE PHOTO OF THE DRUNKS IN THEIR NATURAL HABITAT.

The Drunks in their Natural Habitat. (left to right, Shaft, Buck Down, Spork, Matt Shaw, guest Andy Hermann, MixMa$ter Therm. Photo by Kevin Rolly.)
left to right, Shaft, Buck Down, Spork, Matt Shaw, guest Andy Hermann, MixMa$ter Therm. (photo by Kevin Rolly.)

show copyright ©2016, Army of Drunks

 

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THE WASSAIL CHRISTMAS SPECIAL – with Jon Alloway and Surprise Inside

AOD Wassail_show_slug_SMALL_OriginalPhoto-472277550.014627THE WASSAIL SHOW CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!
With Jon Alloway, musical guest Surprise Inside, and the Army of Drunks’ Tiny Audience!

Ever been Wassailing?  Well don’t.  It’s based on a horrible drink made of eggs, lager, wine, and Dickensian despair.  But it’s Christmas, and we get drunk on it so you don’t have to!

Welcome to the Army of Drunks Christmas Special!  Forget the bullshit “War on Christmas,” we’re going after Santa, more specifically, the SantaCon Rampage, a once-proud tradition of culture jamming now filthy with hipsters and douchebags!  Join us as we sit down with Jon Alloway, a veteran of the Los Angeles Cacophony Society as he tells us about the Krampus Run, a new tradition that celebrates St. Nicholas’ evil goat-headed partner in crime.

Also, all-improv band Surprise Inside regales us with christmas songs whipped-up-right-there-on-the-spot.  We welcome our first Tiny Audience.  And we learn what’s the only thing that can stop a bad Santa with a gun.

Warning: Contains Star Wars spoilers. Suck it, Bantha.

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!

OriginalPhoto-472280375.640787
The horror of wassail.

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
Don’t.

Just don’t.  We tried a big steaming bowl of Wassail on the show, and we don’t recommend the experience for anything.  It’s like drinking a glass of German cinnamon omelette.  However… If you insist on drinking where angels fear to tread,  MixMa$ter Therm recommends Alton Brown’s recipe.  We are linking to it here.  The rest is on your head.

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/wassail-recipe.html

HERE’S A LINK TO L.A.’s KRAMPUS GROUP
https://www.facebook.com/groups/krampuslosangeles

AND SURPRISE INSIDE’S PAGE
(They do improv karaoke events at the UCB Theater on Sunset.)
https://www.facebook.com/SurpriseInside/

A TRAILER FOR JON ALLOWAY’S CACOPHONY SOCIETY DOCUMENTARY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4MC2Ng1BDE

SIX SANTAS FIGHTING ON THE STREETS OF NEW YORK!

AND CHECK OUT KRAMMPSTEIN, THE KRAMPUS METAL BAND
https://www.facebook.com/krammpstein
Krampus IMG_3760

 

 

Merry Krampmas, one and all!

Drunk Santa
Drunk Santa
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THE EL PRESIDENTE SHOW – with Jhonen Vasquez (extended cut)

AOD_El_Presidente_Show_Slug_IMG_2143THE EL PRESIDENTE SHOW
With Jhonen Vasquez
(Extended Cut)

Yeah, we were going to do a show about the Zombie, but it turns out that’s way more complicated than we thought.  Seriously, no two recipes are alike on that cocktail, and one of them involves cooking up your own spice mix.  Seriously.  So in honor of re-opening relations with Cuba, we present a cocktail that was founded in Havanah during prohibition and crossed that small patch of ocean to the United States.  In the process we learn they never should have added the goddamn grenadine.

Our quest is Jhonen Vasquez, comic book artist and creator of the INVADER ZIM cartoon series.  We talk a little about the new INVADER ZIM comic, and talk a lot about other random things like robots, murder, horror movies, the glorious absurdity of adults being stupid for a living, and how to rule with an iron scrotum.  (NSFW as always.  And really not safe for kids.)

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!

DRINK ALONG AT HOME
The El Presidente

We went through a couple of recipes until we found what we think is the optimal version of the El Presidente.  The secret: NO GRENADINE!

MixMa$ter Therm’s Optimal Presidente:

  • 2 parts white rum.  (Something better than Bacardi if you can find it.)
  • 1 part dry vermouth. (Dolin white is the most recommended.)
  • 1/2 part orange curacao.

Shake all ingredients in a shaker, like you do, and pour into a chilled glass.  Garnish with an orange peel if you have any style at all.  Drink while you oppress the common people.

Oh, and when you’re done… always refrigerate your vermouth!  It goes bad.

But if you insist on trying the more mainstream version:

  • 2 parts white rum.
  • 2 parts dry vermouth.
  • 1/2 part orange curacao.
  • Dash of grenadine.

Shake everything in a shaker with ice, like you would.  Pour in glass.  Drink.  Think about how it would be much better without the grenadine.

SOME OF JHONEN’S OFFICIAL INTERNET LOCALES
http://www.questionsleep.com
http://jhonenv.tumblr.com
https://twitter.com/jhonenv

AND SOME OF VASQUEZERY ON AMAZON

AND DON’T FORGET THE “ROBOT OR NOT” PODCAST
https://www.theincomparable.com/robot/

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Short: 1940s – THE HURRICANE


AoD_1940s_Hurricane_slug_smal_IMG_1270Short: 1940s – The Hurricane
with Katie Massa and Jason Berlin

“Drink-a-Decade” pulls into your harbor with the cocktail that was given away free to sailors!

It’s the Hurricane!  Drink yourself back to WWII-era New Orleans, when scotch was rare, and rum was flowing like seamen on shore-leave.  Discover the fruity-as-fuck concoction that made drinking in the streets famous.  We also discuss the New Jersey marschino cherrijuana bust.  And Katie Massa vomits into Jason Berlin’s mouth like a momma bird*  (NSFW as always.)

*Katie Massa does not vomit into anyone’s mouth.

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_1940s_Hurricane_Show.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Hurricane Cocktail – The Army of Drunks version

Let’s start by saying there doesn’t seem to be any agreement on how this cocktail is made. Some recipes use passion fruit juice, others insist on passion fruit syrup (good luck finding that at your local Walmart).  We started with the following recipe, but found that it was too damn sweet.  MixMa$ter Therm modified it to exclude the simple syrup, and that’s what we settled on before we passed out.  It’s a good-enough system for determining success.

  • 2oz light rum
  • 2oz dark tum
  • 2oz passion fruit juice
  • 1 oz orange juice
  • Juice of half a lime
  • 1 tsp simple syrup (though we like it better without it.)
  • 1 tsp grenadine
  • Orange slice and cherry for garnish
  • Ice

As usual, pour every last liquid thing in a cocktail shaker with ice and shake it like you mean it.  Pour into a hurricane glass over ice.  You do have a hurricane glass, don’t you?

NEED A HURRICANE GLASS?

MIXMA$TER THERM DRESSES FOR AUDIO!
 IMG_0370_copy
Semi-authentic 40’s garb!

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Short: 1930s – THE BROWN DERBY

AoD_1930s_Brown_Derby_Slug_small_IMG_0408Short: 1930s – The Brown Derby
with Katie Massa and Jason Berlin

“Drink-a-Decade” rolls on like a runaway freight train that only smashes a stalled-out schoolbus once every two weeks!

Drink your way back to the Golden Age of Hollywood with the Brown Derby, a delightful blend of whiskey, grapefruit and honey that was possibly invented by Douglas Fairbanks, but definitely made famous in a giant hat.  Also, Jason Berlin spills the beans on his Evil Grandma Betty, and Katie Massa punches-out a raccoon!* (NSFW as always.)

*Katie Massa does not punch-out a raccoon.

Subsribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen directly here!
http://traffic.libsyn.com/armyofdrunks/AOD_1930s_Brown_Derby_Show_1-2.mp3

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
The Brown Derby Cocktail

  • 1.5 oz Bourbon
  • 1 oz Fresh grapefruit juice (or from a jar, if you must, but don’t used that sweetened stuff)
  • 1/2 oz Honey syrup (like simple syrup, but with honey.  1 part honey, 1 part water, and hey, you can even make it on the fly if you’re that kind of lazy*)

Put all ingredients in a cocktail shaker.  Shake.  Pour into glass, martini-shaped or otherwise.  Garnish with citrus peel of choice (except lime).  Drink.  Pretend you’re Douglas Fairbanks or Carole Lombard.  Drink more.  Become convinced you’re Douglas Fairbanks or Carole Lombard.

*But don’t be that kind of lazy.  It’s embarrassing.

DRUNK BOOK ALERT!
Once again, we referenced the Savoy Cocktail book in our show.  If you don’t own it, you should buy it now.  That’s an order.

 

And MixMa$ter Therm Goes All-30’s and Gets Dressed-Up for Radio!
Which is more dedication than you ever showed.
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Finally, a Depressing Photo of Brown Derby Plaza
And a link to the Yelp review of their apparently-shitty valet parking.
derby_plaza2007

http://www.yelp.com/biz/brown-derby-plaza-valet-los-angeles

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THE EGGNOG SHOW – with Derek Jones

AOD Egg Nog Show Slug_small_IMG_3233

THE ARMY OF DRUNKS
EGGNOG SHOW
with Derek Jones

Learn about the history of Christmas’ biggest egg-and-dairy-based alcoholic tradition, and why some folks like to leave their nog out before they get their nog on.  Comedian Derek Jones tells us about Los Angeles’ biggest Ugly Sweater Party, and how a Moose takes a mistress.  Also, we play “Name That Sex Act” holiday edition, and find out What’s in Shaw’s Craw!

Subscribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen direct here:

 

FOLLOW DEREK JONES ON TWITTER
https://twitter.com/tooderek

DEREK’S UGLY SWEATER PARTY
https://www.facebook.com/EastCoastFamilyChristmas

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
THE ARMY OF DRUNKS EGGNOG TROUGH
(A recipe bastardized from Alton Brown and Martha Stewart.)
NOTE: This recipe can be cut in half, or a third, if you just don’t have enough friends to consume it all, and if you’re a fan of our podcast, you probably don’t.

  • 12 egg yolks
  • 1 cup, plus 3 tablespoons sugar
  • 1 & 1/2 quarts whole milk
  • 3 cups heavy cream
  • 1 tablespoon freshly grated nutmeg
  • 12 egg whites (to save for servin’ time)
  • 1 cup bourbon
  • 1/2 cup dark rum
  • 1/2 cup brandy or congnac

DIRECTIONS
In the bowl of a stand mixer, beat the egg yolks until they lighten in color.  Gradually add the 1/3 cup sugar and continue to beat until it is completely dissolved.  Add the milk, cream, booze and nutmeg and stir to combine.  Then let age for six months if you have time, maybe overnight if you don’t.

When it comes time to serve the glorious nog, place the egg whites in the bowl of a stand mixer and beat to soft peaks.  With the mixer still running gradually add the 1 tablespoon of sugar and beat until stiff peaks form. Whisk the egg whites into the mixture.  Chill and serve.  (Though you should have chilled it *way* before now.  If you aged your eggnog by leaving it by the fireplace, start over.)

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Nuts being megged by MixMa$ter Therm.

GEORGE WASHINGTON’S EGGNOG RECIPE
“One quart cream, one quart milk, one dozen tablespoons sugar, one pint brandy, 1/2 pint rye whiskey, 1/2 pint Jamaica rum, 1/4 pint sherry—mix liquor first, then separate yolks and whites of eggs, add sugar to beaten yolks, mix well. Add milk and cream, slowly beating. Beat whites of eggs until stiff and fold slowly into mixture. Let set in cool place for several days. Taste frequently.”  Historians believe he used a dozen eggs.  Why?  Because freedom.

PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE OF INJURED POLISH SANTA
£££-A-drunk-Santa

OUR SHAMEFUL EGGNOG CONSUMPTION
Before:
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After:
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SHO(r)T – The Green Hawaii

green_hawaiian_slug_01_smallTHE ARMY OF DRUNKS SHO(r)T – THE GREEN HAWAII

An Army of Drunks Original Cocktail For No Reason

Yes, the Army is releasing a “Short” or “Shot” or whateveryouwannacallit as we get in sync with the holidays.  Tonight we try an original cocktail: The Green Hawaii.  Why?  Because nothing says “aloha” like absinthe!  We also take an uncomfortably long time to sign off.  Mahalo, mofos!

(NSFW as always.)

Subscribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen on our host site!

 

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
THE GREEN HAWAII

  • 3/4 oz. Light Rum
  • 3/4 oz. Vodka
  • 1/2 oz. Absinthe
  • 3 oz. Pineapple Juice
  • 1 oz. Sweet & Sour Mix

Glass Type: Cthulhu-themed Tiki Mug or any vessel that’s been cursed by dark forces and chilled for an hour.

PREPARATION
Combine all ingredients in a cocktail shaker or blender.  If using cocktail shaker, blend!  If using blender, shake!  Pour into glass.  Garnish with tiny black cocktail umbrella.  Enjoy on beach while writing poem about ravens, vampires or death.

 

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THE MOSCOW MULE SHOW – with Rikki Simons and Richard Horvitz

AOD Moscow Mule Image text
THE ARMY OF DRUNKS

MOSCOW MULE SHOW
With guests character actors Richard  Horvitz and Rikki Simons.

Dismember your childhoold as cartoon voice actors Richard Horvitz and Rikki Simons — from Nickeldoeon’s “Invader ZIM” — get loaded on the Moscow Mule.  Learn the history of a cocktail created in secret by a beverage cabal.  Hear True Tales of Convention Horror.  Then play “Name that Sex Act” with TV’s GIR!  (NSFW, obviously.)

Subscribe on iTunes!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-army-of-drunks/id936560275

Or listen here!

 

DRINK ALONG AT HOME!
THE MOSCOW MULE

  • 1/2 ounce lime juice
  • 2 ounces vodka
  • 4 to 6 ounces ginger beer (not ginger ale, you child.)
  • Ice (obviously)

Glass Type:  Copper mug, if you’re that kind of completist.  Collins glass, otherwise.

PREPARATION
Squeeze lime juice into a copper mug* and toss in the spent lime if you’re feeling badass.  Add ice cubes, then vodka and fill the remainder with ginger beer.  Stir with an appropriate object and serve with an icy stare.

* If you don’t have a genuine copper Moscow Mule mug, just throw a few pennies into a regular glass** for “that ol’ copper tongue.”

** This is a terrible idea, and we don’t recommend you do it, ever.   But hey, drop us an e-mail if you do.

OUR VALUED GUESTS:
http://www.rikkisimons.com/
http://www.richardhorvitz.com/

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